Kristie16 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I broke up with my ex on Sunday. After breaking the no contact and texting him today, I finally reached the anger part and am ready to get over him. (You can read the why behind the change of emotions here The thing is, I don't want to start regretting the year-long relationship. I was talking to a friend on the phone today and talking about all the bad things. Laying it all out there, she asked why I even stayed with him as long as I did. I wondered the same thing. There were lots of different signs. But I do know it took me this long to really realize it and see it. We broke up once in November for a few weeks and all I could think about was getting him back. This time I don't want him back and I know the relationship will only hurt my self-esteem and self-worth. But I also don't want to regret the time I spent with him. We had some good times, but the last few months have been pretty stressful, hurtful and hard. His text today has helped me realize I did the right thing, but now I'm angry and wondering why I glossed over some of the signs as they came along? How do I balance ending the relationship, moving on and getting over it with being OK it happened and dealing with the negative things?
Rose T Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 It takes time, Kristie. The first couple of months are very hard and I think you are doing the right things - but it's also ok to concentrate on coping and healing, and focussing on yourself for now. I made lists right after my break-up of: His good qualities, his bad qualities, qualities I'd like in a man in a future relationship, qualities I won't accept in a future relationship (my ex's qualities ended up in both latter lists). Then, getting a bit carried away by the whole list making thing, lol, I made a list of everything I've gained from the relationship in a positive way (small stuff too, like learning how to cook fish properly, learning how to wine-taste, learning how to ride a motorbike, getting to know my ex boyfriend's island, learning how to cope with long distance (for the LDR patches of our relationship) etc. I was really proud of this list because it showed the good that had come out of the relationship as well, and most importantly, gifts I've taken from it that no-one can take away from me. Then I put all those lists away (actually, they've been floating around my house for weeks) and tried to forget him through NC. Only now, do I feel a bit calmer about the past, especially about the good things I gained from the relationship. If I go to places we visited together I can remember the moments with pleasure. It's three months since we broke up and although it's all still fresh, I'm able to divide the good memories from the bad memories. They're all they're, they're all valid, but I'm not scared of them any more: the good (with him, at least) may be in the past, but so is the bad.
Author Kristie16 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 It takes time, Kristie. The first couple of months are very hard and I think you are doing the right things - but it's also ok to concentrate on coping and healing, and focussing on yourself for now. I made lists right after my break-up of: His good qualities, his bad qualities, qualities I'd like in a man in a future relationship, qualities I won't accept in a future relationship (my ex's qualities ended up in both latter lists). Then, getting a bit carried away by the whole list making thing, lol, I made a list of everything I've gained from the relationship in a positive way (small stuff too, like learning how to cook fish properly, learning how to wine-taste, learning how to ride a motorbike, getting to know my ex boyfriend's island, learning how to cope with long distance (for the LDR patches of our relationship) etc. I was really proud of this list because it showed the good that had come out of the relationship as well, and most importantly, gifts I've taken from it that no-one can take away from me. Then I put all those lists away (actually, they've been floating around my house for weeks) and tried to forget him through NC. Only now, do I feel a bit calmer about the past, especially about the good things I gained from the relationship. If I go to places we visited together I can remember the moments with pleasure. It's three months since we broke up and although it's all still fresh, I'm able to divide the good memories from the bad memories. They're all they're, they're all valid, but I'm not scared of them any more: the good (with him, at least) may be in the past, but so is the bad. Thanks, Rose. I actually did the list thing when we broke up for three weeks back in September. I had put them away and now I've been reading them more. I'm just going back and forth between anger, regret, sadness, thinking about the good times and pining after those initial first months and thinking I didn't have it so bad, maybe I should have stuck it out. Deep down I know I did the right thing. But it's just hard, especially since it seems like he's taking it better than me and I'm the one who did the dumping. But again, this is the first time I've ever gone through anything like this.
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