sweetblubrry Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) Sorry this is so long, but I am so confused and wanted to get as much info out as I could. So my ex and I broke up 4 weeks ago tonight. We had a great relationship other than some communication issues (I would get annoyed he doesn't ask me how my day was or call me as much as I think he should) but overall we never had any fights or issues. We were together for 7 months and we work together. I felt like the break up was just a bunch of excuses... saying his friends said he's different, I don't deserve you, blah, blah blah..... and it came out of nowhere. He was bawling and I don't even think he knew why he was doing it but just because he felt like he had to. He had started going downhill in December because he was very homesick. I thought he would snap out of it but apparently not. I did NC for 4 weeks straight away besides the times where I saw him at work and would casually say Hi and walk away. Other then that, absolutely no phone calls or texts or emails. Sunday I had to work with him and it was strange. I was friendly but distant and he would be friendly with me. He asked me how my interviews went (he must have gotten that from fb) and about other jobs prospects and what I was planning to do. After 3 1/2 weeks of no talking, he is all the sudden so concerned with my life? He also found an excuse to physically touch me as he walked by... on my shoulder. He would NEVER touch anyone at work, ever. So I happened to run into him last night after work and he sat with me on the bus. He was again being friendly and i was just texting my roommate. He asked me when I was moving.... I was like uhhh 2 months (i don't remember telling him this) and he's like if you need help moving just call me and I will help. What the heck? So I don't know what possessed me to do this... but I asked him if we could talk about what happened a month ago. And so it began... He completely opened up to me. His friends have been trying to get him to talk (they think he's crazy for leaving me) and he just shuts down. Doesn't talk to anyone. But my suspicion was right... it all has to do with him. He does not feel happy with himself or his life. He feels like a failure. I found out from a friend that he tells everyone he graduated when he really didn't. He feels so ashamed that he didn't accomplish that... he dropped out of college. He never told me this! And what is worse... he made up what college he did go to! He actually went ot a community college and told me he had a different major. I dated him for 8 months and never knew what school or major he had (well the right one). He just cannot emotionally deal with it. He also brought up how he just doesn’t trust anyone…. friends, family, relationships, coworkers, etc. I’m like why? He said he has no idea he just doesn’t. I’m like the only reason you don’t trust people is because you’ve been hurt in the past. He is also unable to let anyone in… because he is afraid of getting hurt. He is one of those types that says he doesn't care what others think... but I think he is terrified of judgement. He is so scared at work of others judging him cause he broke up with me..... one of my friends even asked him one day because he looked awful "i'm being judged". So he said that lately he has been trying to put himself in social situations where he has to face judgement and learn to deal with it. By the way, he also told me that he is seeing a therapist. I was so surprised... and apparently he started seeing one when we were still together. I asked him about a “second chance” kind of speaking from my point of view… like would he give me a second chance? He didn’t even take it like that… he said no one has ever given HIM a second chance. He said he doesn’t want to make a promise because it’s not fair… I said I totally understood and didn’t expect him to. But from what he was saying, I don’t see why he wouldn’t give it another chance if the opportunity came along. Of course I am not going to wait for him but I do hope he figures things out. But I have no idea how long that could take. I do feel he still cares for me, I just don’t know what to expect. There were several times when he was just tearing up again (I was as well) He is having an incredibly hard time dealing with himself right now. He is having to face his deepest problems that he really has just buried away all these years. Obviously they are going to come up when you get close to someone. I asked him about why he lied to me to hang out with his friend. I also told him that I realized that in our ENTIRE relationship he has never said no to me. And this is why he does not make plans. For some reason he just can’t say no… because he feels like he will disappoint the person. He also can’t stand when somebody will ask if he wants to do something and he already has plans because he feels obligated to do something with both people. I’m like um…. Well it is whoever comes first! And for some reason he just cannot deal with it… he cannot say no and ends up making an excuse or lie which is what he did to me. When I make the plans, he thinks oh that is what she likes to do... and establishes a pattern in his mind. Yet he can not enjoy it and will not say a word because he doesn’t want to upset me. He is so concerned with being perfect… and I’m like no one is perfect! Logically he knows that but he just can’t accept it… I for the life of me don’t understand where it comes from. He has very loving and supportive parents and comes from a close family, just like me. All these expectations on him are unrealistic and they are all in his head. I’ve told him that all his friends care about him and worry about him. And he said it makes it worse because he thinks they are wasting their time when they could be concerned with something else. Can he just not believe that somebody in this world might actually care about him? He talked about how everyone he trusts always ends up crapping out on him. I think that is a huge part of the trust issue. I know that he feels AWFUL about putting me through this. He said he should have never asked me out because I don’t deserve to have to go through this. So after we talked about all everything, he initiated a hug and he just held me for like 20 seconds and it was definitely a relationship type hug and not a friend hug. I wanted to cry, I miss him so much in my life. So today was even stranger. He was SO friendly and even flirty at work today. He literally followed me around at work today and talked to me every chance he got. Even others noticed this! He would joke around and be annoying to me like a kid who has a crush. We would have playful arguments. I just don't get it. His behavior confuses me so much. I feel a lot better because I feel like I finally understand what is want to talk about this that night because it’s such an internal part of him that he just cannot deal with. And I am very surprised that he opened up to me like that considering he just completely stopped talking to me for almost 4 weeks. He is a good guy, but obviously going through a lot of troubles right now. I am filled with so many emotions right now. I still love him and I don’t know what I should do. I want to support him but I also don’t want to be too much of a friend because that will hurt me. WHAT IS BEST IN THIS SITUATION IF I WANT HIM BACK EVENTUALLY?? I feel that NC will hurt because obviously he needs support. But I also don't want to be hurt. PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE!!! Edited February 25, 2011 by sweetblubrry
Recommended Posts