USMCHokie Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Earlier today, one of my friends jokingly suggested that I give OKC another try because one of our other friends had met someone through OKC. So of course I decided to reactivate my account. Eh, what the hell, it can't hurt, right? Besides, I hadn't done any sort of dating since the summer. So as I'm browsing through some profiles, I quickly start to feel completely unmotivated and uninspired to even look through them. It gets boring real fast, and I'd go as far as to say it was tedious. There was once a time when I'd be enthusiastic about looking through profiles, and I'd get excited when I found one who was actually shorter than me and seemed interesting. No such feelings now... Do you all ever go through periods where you seemingly have no interest in dating, whether it be online or out in the 'real world', yet you still want to be dating someone? How do/did you deal with it, if at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Intricategirl Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Yep. Twice, I've had no desire to date. Once was after a fairly traumatic experience, and I just didn't have any interest in dating at all. The thing that got me back into dating is because it actually scared me a little. I could see being totally fine with never dating again. So I knew I needed to push myself out of that comfort zone completely. Second time was recently. I got my heart stomped on in a very short amount of time, and pulled my online dating profiles immediately. I was just tired of it, and decided to wait until I actually felt like it. It only took about a month, and now I'm trying a few things differently. No more POF or OKC. I'm doing Eharmony and getting more socially active in general. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Kinda. I'm not sure I want to date and I'm not sure I have any interest in dating. That's because I just feel overwhelmed. There's seemingly too much choice. And for something that's meant to be fun it's starting to get rather stressful. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 You need to just accept that dating is a huge risk and that you will likely be unsatisfied with the results for quite a while before finding something good. You also need to accept that even if you do end up finding someone you like, it might not turn into a relationship, and even if you do find a relationship, it might not last forever. Ironically, I think putting it into perspective can help you relax about dating because you won't be expecting so much or making it into something so monumental. The problem with online dating is just that so much planning and buildup goes into dates that it becomes almost natural to build expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Feel unmotivated to date? I desperately want to date but I have little motivation to approach random women. I'm also in no hurry to ask out the girls I do know because I don't want to get rejected by them. Basically I really want to play, but am reluctant to do it because I know I'll lose. And I just might end up getting hurt along the way. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I think it is common to feel this way from time to time. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Yes, I was unmotivated to date for a really, really long time. I simply didn't care if I met someone or not for ages. I had a POF account but I never corresponded with anyone that wrote me- then someone intrigued me and it was all uphill from there. Nothing wrong with focusing on other aspects of your life- it's actually quite liberating to be at that place where you don't feel like you need to rely on anyone else to make your life complete- that's usually when you are in the best position to find someone! Link to post Share on other sites
mustofbeen Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I just don't find anybody attractive enough to go through all the hassles of dating, hopefully it'll change soon Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I'm pretty sure I'll never date again. I'm not motivated, for sure, but then I also think motivation wouldn't be enough anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I'm pretty sure I'll never date again. I'm not motivated, for sure, but then I also think motivation wouldn't be enough anyway. I felt the same way for ages- then someone appreared that actually lit a fire under my ass. Unexpected- but sometimes that's the best way. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I felt the same way for ages- then someone appreared that actually lit a fire under my ass. Unexpected- but sometimes that's the best way. Ok. I'll count on that happening to me. Problem solved! Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 Yes, I was unmotivated to date for a really, really long time. I simply didn't care if I met someone or not for ages. I've felt this way for a while too; at least relatively. Even when I've been going out with friends and meeting women through mutual friends, there really hasn't been any sort of drive to pursue anything further than friendship. I might have whined about it superficially at the end of the night when I didn't "score," but the next morning it felt like it never happened. Nothing wrong with focusing on other aspects of your life- it's actually quite liberating to be at that place where you don't feel like you need to rely on anyone else to make your life complete- that's usually when you are in the best position to find someone! That's very true...and at this point in my life, I've got plenty going on, but it's never too much that I woudn't consider dating or a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 You need to just accept that dating is a huge risk and that you will likely be unsatisfied with the results for quite a while before finding something good. You also need to accept that even if you do end up finding someone you like, it might not turn into a relationship, and even if you do find a relationship, it might not last forever. Well, after my first relationship, I learned that I shouldn't put myself in a position to allow dating to become a risk. So in that regard, I don't know if I'd agree with you. But I've definitely learned the temporal nature of certain relationships (both romantic and platonic) in our lives. Relationships come and go, as do the people in our lives. It was good while it lasted, but some things aren't meant to last forever. Ironically, I think putting it into perspective can help you relax about dating because you won't be expecting so much or making it into something so monumental. The problem with online dating is just that so much planning and buildup goes into dates that it becomes almost natural to build expectations. I certainly don't have any expectations at all when it comes to online dating. I've tried it before with mixed results; met some cool women, but nothing ever lasted. But I'd certainly approach it differently this time around to combat the exact thing you brought up. Less planning + less buildup = more realistic expectations = less disappoint. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 Kinda. I'm not sure I want to date and I'm not sure I have any interest in dating. That's because I just feel overwhelmed. There's seemingly too much choice. And for something that's meant to be fun it's starting to get rather stressful. Hahah, I'm sure we all wish we had that problem... :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Jannah Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Kinda. I'm not sure I want to date and I'm not sure I have any interest in dating. That's because I just feel overwhelmed. There's seemingly too much choice. And for something that's meant to be fun it's starting to get rather stressful. Just make sure to stay away from the really sweaty ones. Okay, I really shouldn't talk come to think of it, I can get pretty sweaty too when it's hot/humid. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Absolutely, after my ex screwed me over, I wonder whats the point? He completely cut me off and left the breakup completely unresolved. I know I deserve so much better, but I feel cynical about getting out there again, only to get dumped like yesterdays garbage. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I did for two years. I had a bad relationship in 2007 into 2008. From 2008 to late 2010 I had no interest in dating anyone at all. As for wanting to date someone but not feeling very motivated to get out there and approach random people I kinda feel that way now. I just don't meet many people who interest me enough to want to talk to them. Most of the women available to me are undergraduates who are 6-8 years younger. It's like a total generational disconnect when I talk to them. In another 20 years that won't be a huge gap but at age 30 it can be difficult to really connect with them. Women around my age...who are Unmarried About as accomplished in their career's as I am in mine With no more than one child Interesting to me and Interested in me. UAWII women are very very rare. So rare that I feel like I should just give up trying to find one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 Absolutely, after my ex screwed me over, I wonder whats the point? He completely cut me off and left the breakup completely unresolved. I know I deserve so much better, but I feel cynical about getting out there again, only to get dumped like yesterdays garbage. I can certainly understand how a fresh breakup can cause these feelings of apathy or indifference towards dating; whether it be unresolved feelings for the ex, fear of getting hurt again, or just the desire to experience a life without commitment to another individual. But in my case, there's no breakup I'm reeling from and no fear of getting hurt. And besides, I haven't gotten any in a while... :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
purple_cloud Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I'm pretty sure I'll never date again. I'm not motivated, for sure, but then I also think motivation wouldn't be enough anyway. Do you feel at peace with staying single for the rest of your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 And besides, I haven't gotten any in a while... :laugh: Hokie have you considered just going out to a local pickup joint and having a fling. Single women who aren't looking for a relationship but just want to get some go out to those places looking for just that all the time. I know it's not as emotionally satisfying as sex within a relationship with someone you care about...but it's better than nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Do you all ever go through periods where you seemingly have no interest in dating, whether it be online or out in the 'real world', yet you still want to be dating someone? Sure. However, I would say that I want to be in a relationship, but I have absolutely no interest in dating. How do/did you deal with it, if at all? I don't date. Not being in a relationship still bothers me, though. I don't think it's possible to quench a desire like this. But I am just no longer willing to go out of my way and make an effort (which dating is for me) when the chances of getting something in return (a relationship) are slim. I must admit, though, that from time to time, I would be willing to take chances and date. But those incidents of temporary insanity are very rare. So far, it happened one time in over half a decade or so. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I think being single and content is a good reason to not look for something. I personally have found the best cure for being happily single is to continue being happy single. I don't think you need to force things. I think if you can see the beauty, talent, and intelligence in yourself and in your friends, you won't miss an opportunity when it presents itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedalways Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I've definitely felt like this... totally unwarranted. I'd look around at my friends and wish I could be in a relationship, too. Browse the pages of OkC, POF... same people, different site. Joined match. Finally one or two piqued my interest, I went out with them and felt nothing. Everyone told me to give it a chance, etc , etc. I didn't want to, because I didn't like them. Kept browsing, it became tiresome and daunting. I started to feel like I was trying way too hard . Was it me or was it them? I wasn't sure, I just know I was meeting men that certainly weren't lunatics or crazy, but not my type. It sucked because I really did want someone, but looking and weeding was soo hard, it made it not really worth it. Finally I shut down all my accounts, and told all the men in my life I was talking to (as sort of "back burner" options) I wasn't interested in them. I swore off men for the next couple months. Three days later, my current boyfriend asked me out. This was exactly the kind of story I loathed to hear when I was single, but the message really is someone will come along. Clearly you are a nice, good looking guy Hokie. Someone is out there for you. Just know I can totally relate to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) I think being single and content is a good reason to not look for something. I personally have found the best cure for being happily single is to continue being happy single. I don't think you need to force things. I think if you can see the beauty, talent, and intelligence in yourself and in your friends, you won't miss an opportunity when it presents itself. Cee with all due respect to your sage advice it really does not apply to men. Opporutiunity does not "present itself" to men. Men have to try to interpret a womans subtle and often contradictory signals of interest. Then act on those by approaching them. A man may have to approach allot of women just to get one date. Understand this difference. Women have to date allot of loosers just to find a good man. Men have to ask out allot of women just to find a good date. This is true even if a man is a player...the more a man dates the more women he has asked for dates. Many guys here have tried to point that out and been called bitter. Try to understand and empathize with their frustration. What might help with this is to look at dating from a mans perspective as being not unlike trying to get a job. Most people have to send out dozens of resume's just to get one interview... that's what dating is like for a man. Just like looking for a job some people just give up looking due to frustration. While a woman can "give up looking" for a man and one will approach her. Generally a man cannot "give up looking" for a woman and have that happen. Discouraged but not bitter. @confusedways: "Three months' latter my current boyfriend asked me out". I'm not hating on your experience. Just pointing out....that the specific kind of story you mention does not happen to men. Edited February 25, 2011 by Mrlonelyone Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I have to agree....every TIME I see "I am seeking a good hearted man" "No players or jerks apply" "Where are all the Nice Guys" In EACH and EVERY profile...I think to myself, "Self, I WISH I had a DIME for EVERY TIME I emailed a woman that said the above in their profile that completely ignored me, then I'd be a RICH man!!" lol I've gotten seriously sick of the REPEAT rhetorical things people say in their profiles where it's actually sounding like a broken record. It's like they're all clones, but they look different physically. LOL Earlier today, one of my friends jokingly suggested that I give OKC another try because one of our other friends had met someone through OKC. So of course I decided to reactivate my account. Eh, what the hell, it can't hurt, right? Besides, I hadn't done any sort of dating since the summer. So as I'm browsing through some profiles, I quickly start to feel completely unmotivated and uninspired to even look through them. It gets boring real fast, and I'd go as far as to say it was tedious. There was once a time when I'd be enthusiastic about looking through profiles, and I'd get excited when I found one who was actually shorter than me and seemed interesting. No such feelings now... Do you all ever go through periods where you seemingly have no interest in dating, whether it be online or out in the 'real world', yet you still want to be dating someone? How do/did you deal with it, if at all? Link to post Share on other sites
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