jude007 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3145063#post3145063 Is my prev thread So we are now six months down the line - thought all was goin ok Sh said amazing things to me really I was happy and now shevfeels it's thorax too fast - I need help to understand all this She called me saying we ned to slow down and then emailed me this I understand exactly where you're coming from. I am not ignoring you though. I have had many moments before this one, which you know because you witnessed it. You have always known that at times I have felt like backing away because things were moving to quickly. I'm not good at hiding it and you have dealt with it before. This time, the feelings of pressure and stress are not going away though, so this is a new development in terms of dealing with it. We have had some absolutely amazing times - which I admit and why wouldn't I? I'm being honest and*telling you I want to pull things back a bit, and*I'm feeling even more pressure with the phonecalls and emails and texts. * This is why I said: if this*pull-back*does not work for you, then just*tell me. If you're happy to see each other every one in a while, not chat every night and have our own separate lives and come together every now and again then that works for me. I would appreciate feedback I thought I had won her heart before thus Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 sorry dude, there's nothing to interpret. she said it very straightforward so take it at face value. the shorter version if you want is: it's not you, it's me. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Society has made dating so complicated when it can really be so very simple... Imagine dating someone without worrying about talking too much or not talking enough, how much you have sex, whether you're moving too fast or too slow, experiencing pressure and stress where pressure and stress need not exist... I mean come on... having someone love you and being in a relationship is sooooooo stressful, amirite? Sometimes people need to take a step back and realize that all of this preconceived bull**** regarding how a relationship should or should not be is exactly that... bull. You don't need to be single to find yourself. One can be both free spirited and exist in a committed relationship. Trust what TokyoGal said. Despite how "free spirited" this girl claims herself to be, she's falling prey to the same, time-old, monotonous cliches that plague those who conform to the world around them. It sucks to hear, but don't you think you deserve to be with someone where things are just... easier? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jude007 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Ok here is an update. After meeting with her, at first I was pretty cold to her ...by the end of the 3 days together, she is leaving to work afraid for five weeks, I told her what I wanted she said she wasn't ready bur want to see each other every so often - she was in tears - when I left - I just don't get it... If she is upset then why won't she take the next step.... I am willing to move to be with her... Now... Am I just hoping for something that will never happen?? I think she is scared to get hurt Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Have you asked her what she is afraid of? She claims that she isn't ready and wants more time... have you asked her why? My original point still stands: "Trust what TokyoGal said. Despite how "free spirited" this girl claims herself to be, she's falling prey to the same, time-old, monotonous cliches that plague those who conform to the world around them." Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 yes, she is afraid to get hurt. she told you that she just got out of a relationship, right? her fear is not for you to fix, it's for her to face. Link to post Share on other sites
wild_urge Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Society has made dating so complicated when it can really be so very simple... Imagine dating someone without worrying about talking too much or not talking enough, how much you have sex, whether you're moving too fast or too slow, experiencing pressure and stress where pressure and stress need not exist... I mean come on... having someone love you and being in a relationship is sooooooo stressful, amirite? Sometimes people need to take a step back and realize that all of this preconceived bull**** regarding how a relationship should or should not be is exactly that... bull. You don't need to be single to find yourself. One can be both free spirited and exist in a committed relationship. Trust what TokyoGal said. Despite how "free spirited" this girl claims herself to be, she's falling prey to the same, time-old, monotonous cliches that plague those who conform to the world around them. It sucks to hear, but don't you think you deserve to be with someone where things are just... easier? That is just so true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jude007 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 So what I do? She is heading off for a girls trip this weekend, then away to work in another city for 5 weeks..... I know she is scared - I can tell in her eyes.... I feel helpless - but I dont want to push it either..... or hassle her, we used to talk everyday, I miss that, and it was her calling me, not the other way around...... now she is says she is worried she might hurt me.... When I left I told her I would let her have this time, and what will be will be....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jude007 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Hey, Ok so its a week in, and after a great weekend together, she has pulled back again, I could sense it confronted her, she said that she needs to cool off now. I didnt talk for a day in a stubborn way - she emailed again I replied 'Ive had it, im not doing this anymore'.... I just felt that the indecision was driving me crazy.... I got a reaction, but not the reaction I hoped for. I texted her 3-4 times, sent 3 emails, and she lost it, I admit I acted liked a crazy person.... and told her that.... She wasnt too happy - and then last night called, and said, im goign away, i want to cool it off, no contact, we will be in a different time zone. she is like a closed book now.... 6 months were really the best in my life, she admitted she has had "amazing times"..... One minute she is saying she thinks she had her last kiss with a guy, as in im the one, the next its like this? she thinks this is the start of something special to this.... All because I think - I told her I loved her - while we were away in another country together....... she totally pulled back from then.... So guys what do I do now, I sent a final text saying - apologising, and wishing her well, and that I hope she will make contact again. Is there anything else I can do ? does space, and time help? If she felt the way she did? will it come back? Thanks for all your help so far guys. Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 she might come back, she might not. she can be hot and cold again. it's just a vicious cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I've learned one thing in my previous relationships and you have clarified it pretty well: "6 months were really the best in my life" Until you meet the person you will inevitably spend the rest of your life with, don't consider this a failure. Until you two are married, living together, or agreeing that you will be together for the rest of your lives, all relationships that end inevitably end successfully, leaving you with happy thoughts and lessons learned. I'd move on completely. Eventually, perhaps when you least expect it or when you're not looking, you will meet someone who will make your relationship with this girl seem like a high school date gone sour. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jude007 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 You could be right... We are on loose speaking terms she is leaving for 5 weeks.. It just annoys me one minute she and I mean is happy happy, I tell her I lobe her - the next day she is telling me she isnt ready to give herself to anyone yet.. But seriously, she couldn't praise or say enough good things about me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jude007 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 * It was good talking to you last night, excuse the cheeky text... guess you were a tired little Lady * I hope you are ok, - we can maybe chat when you are back if it works for you – I don’t doubt that it can be pulled back – I guess sometimes I didn’t see the wood for the trees * Go away relax, soak up the sun, drink and eat the finest foods, and have a great time at home --- I guess I've left ball in her court??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jude007 Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 UPDATE. Ok so I got an email last night, I have heard from her twice on her trip back home.... I have emailed, txts a few times heard nothing back... and then I got this! Ok so I’ve had 2 emails, and as many txts! I understand exactly where you're coming from. I am not ignoring you though. I have had many moments before this one, which you know because you witnessed it. You have always known that at times I have felt like backing away because things were moving too quickly. I'm not good at hiding it and you have dealt with it before. This time, the feelings of pressure and stress are not going away though, so this is a new development in terms of dealing with it. We have had some absolutely amazing times - which I admit and why wouldn't I? I'm being honest and telling you I want to pull things back a bit, and I'm feeling even more pressure with the phone calls and emails and texts. What you have said about us is all true, and you're probably right - my backing off does not ''auger well''. I am in a full-on relationship and I don't want to be. I came here to get back to being me, but now I am just being an 'us'. That is why I am backing away. I want to have the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want - that means across everything: you not getting upset when I book things with my friends, making a last minute decision to go to the theatre, going to speed-dating not to pick up but to see what it is like, rubbing the lucky statue on the Charles bridge, standing with a foot in East Germany and West Germany ... it means LOTS of things. There are hundreds of things, and I am here for a finite amount of time and I want to try anything and everything. I don’t want to hurt anyone and if I think I am going to (like what I am feeling now) I am going to do everything to avoid it. I don't want that pressure, I'm not fully ready to let someone into my life clearly and I know that because of how I feel now. So again, I come back to the fact that if you want to pull this back and take it a lot easier, I can do that. But I want you to live your life and me to live mine and we can see each other when it works for both of us – I think you are all the things I’ve said but I hurt someone last year, and seeing him again reminds me of how bad and a mess he was, you are the nicest man, a gentleman - I have ever met, and we have good chemistry, and we get each other! Im being honest, I like you, I just need to find myself again first – and for you to give me time……and hopefully speak when I come back. Whats your advice? and if over should I delete her from Facebook, cut all ties? Link to post Share on other sites
JohnM Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 What the first red flag was when she seemed to think it was okay to go speed dating whilst with you. That's not on if you are actually in a relationship. She doesn't want a relationship right now, if you do. Your option would be to wait, which is probably going to lead to you getting down and confused or just forget about her and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jude007 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Share Posted March 30, 2011 So the plot thickens - she returns early from hol, messages me from her stopover, then CALLs on her way to her home in the taxi from the airport. We dont really say too much, as she is saying she is spaced out - and then I text her back, to ask to see her in APRIL - she doesnt reply! Then she posts a message to me on FB thats just a congrats as I passed exams at my work..... Confused.com...... its wierd all this..... Link to post Share on other sites
purplepanda Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 She's not into you...sorry man. Hot and cold people are USUALLY just not interested, otherwise they'd always be hot hot hot!! I'm sorry, I can't stand people who are hot and cold. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jude007 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Hi, I thought I would provide my closing chapter in all of this. So a few weeks, pass, we talk, things are ok, she then tells me she wont see me till June. this wasnt acceptable in my eyes. we finished it for good last night, she emailed me this morning - "wants to stop the pressure totally, and thinks we are better friends".....as she wants to have no ties and travel. I was gutted, but you know what im thankful ive have a great time with a great girl, I guess you cant make anyone love you, im still puzzled the fact she would call 4x a day, compliment me, say amazing things. and now we are at a break up! I replied to her email - and regardless of what happens I want her to know that a she should have no confidence issues, and B) I wish her the best, and thought the world of her! "you are an amazing special person that bringslight into people's life, both beautiful on the out and inside, and I will always care even if distant... and Ihope you find your true feeling of home, keep shining" thanks you all for your input, and replys. Link to post Share on other sites
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