lonely79 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) I dont know if Im just being paranoid and having one of those moments where stupid little things seem HUGE, but i just feel like my SO is pulling away a little. we started this LDR after he moved away and we had literally JUST started dating before he moved, so we agreed that we wanted to "give it a try" but we're still new and so its not super serious or anything. we have agreed to be exclusive, and we have amaaaazing chemistry, get along sooo well, have tons of fun, are super duper attracted to each other, the whole 9 yards. if he was here, id be ready to get married, tomorrow. and i think he feels much the same, but i guess i can't know for certain, as we have not discussed our feeling quite THAT in depth. I gave the background so that you could understand the level of relationship we are in. I admit that I am having problems knowing what to expect from him, as its been so dang long since ive dated. the last month or so, we have gotten really really close and we've been wanting more and more contact and I have felt that things have been going extremely well. then, the other day, he had a terrible day at work (we work together, he works remotely) and he is generally unhappy in his job recently anyway...but the other day was just really bad, and so when i sent him my usual "how was your day, goodbye, im leaving the office" IM, he was short with me and said it was awful and when i tried being supportive, he just said he didnt wanna talk about it and i got hurt and said ok, im leaving, goodbye. he later texted me to say he was really sorry and that i had caught him at a bad time. I told him it was ok and that i hoped he had fun at bowling (wed night bowling league LOL) and that i hoped he was able to forget about his day. i did also tell him that i was a little hurt but thanked him for the text apology and all was well. we chatted today during the day.....but he didnt really have a ton to say and he mentioned something about still being annoyed with work (same issues as the day before)...i reminded him about our upcoming visit (in one week) and he expressed that he was super excited and then that was it....like literally our convo was super short...so I skipped my usual "goodbye" IM and then later felt bad and sent him a text....he responded but i just felt like...i dont know! after having spent the last month being sooo close and feeling so wonderful about everything, his pulling back feels really bad. and then i start to wonder if there's not more to it......and then i start picking apart every single word - for instance he called me "missy" instead of his usual list of endearments (lil bunny is my fav). how dumb am i being right now??? and YES it could just be from having a couple bad days at work, he said he is tired of complaining and doesnt want to always just complain about everything and he is trying to get his portfolio together to try to find a job there (eeekkk!! i secretly wish he would find one here and move back ), and i know he's stressed and feeling down about everything....it could seriously just be that... i guess i just worry that cuz we're so new, that he's going to pull the plug any moment, before either of us gets too attached (ok Im already super attached who am i kidding)...i know this is so insecure of me to think this way, and i really really try not to show these thoughts. so I worry whenever we have crappy communicating days like this! I am so scared of him ending things because I would be completely heartbroken..just completely! i havent felt this type of a deep connection with someone in sooooo long. typing this all out, i feel so dumb, cuz its only been two days of less contact...we had a lovely skype session just tuesday! i shouldnt be so insecure! Im gonna post it anyway just to see what you all think, and cuz i needed to get it out instead of texting something totally needy to him!!! Edited February 25, 2011 by lonely79
wild_urge Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 You are overanalysing, he`s just having hard time at work. Give him a few days and everything will go back to normal + you`ll see him in a week and that always brings people together Don`t worry, look forward to your visit !
heartshaped Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 You are overanalysing, he`s just having hard time at work. Give him a few days and everything will go back to normal + you`ll see him in a week and that always brings people together Don`t worry, look forward to your visit ! This. I don't blame you though when there's distance and things are new it's really easy to start making something out of nothing. But I'm sure he's just having a rough couple of days at work and when you see him everything will be amazing.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 just be supportive and let him know you are there for him when he needs you, but give him space if he wants it. sometimes, we get this weird mood and we don't want our partners to be bugged by our own problems...so probably that's the reason why he didn't wanna talk about it...for now.
Author lonely79 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 thanks for the replies!! I am so glad i posted here instead of texting him! I know you all are right, its just so hard to wait through the doubts sometimes!! do you guys ever feel this way too?? thank goodness for this forum!!
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 yes but i do take it at face value when he says he's going to talk the next day. though sometimes, he would get online at a later time to say goodnight if he feels bad about it lol. i do understand cuz my fiance and i are alike. i also have my distracted mood and i am afraid that it will lead to an argument if my buttons are pushed, so i tell him to not take it personally and i will make it up to him. i don't want to engage him in a conversation and i am half-listening...my thoughts elsewhere, right? showing him support and not complete apathy though will make him feel more comfortable and open up to you. my fiance and i let each other rant (not about us) sometimes. it takes the burden off the chest and it makes us feel that we are there for each other "for better and for worse." in that sense, you need to sometimes approach your partner as a friend and not as a lover.
Author lonely79 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Oh, trust me, we rant to each other, more him than me. and i am supportive and he appreciates it. thats kinda why it hurt my feelings this time, cuz usually he will turn to me for ranting but the other day he just "didnt want to talk about it" and it hurt a little. BUT he did say that he was tired of always bitching about it and didnt want to be so negative all the time. sooo i guess maybe he just feels bad ? we'll see how today goes.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I feel similar to what you're saying! Funny thing is though when I posted my thread about being worried cos he didn't call me one night most replies said I had cause to be worried Whereas I just thought it was me over analysing the situation and worrying, which I still think is true, I think this is true in your case too. The last week I've felt he's been a bit distant but it sounds like your bf in that he's stressed at work and because he doesn't always turn to me about it I feel shut out and assume the worst. I told him last night him being distant does get to me sometimes. I've told him that before. I also worry that him being distant at times will come between us in a big way because I can't deal with emotional distance in a r/ship, especially an LDR. I can feel myself distancing myself from him in reaction to how he seems to be at the moment, or how I perceive it. I felt so close to him before I saw him last time, and when I saw him, and the week after, but we don't feel so close at the moment, but I think it's just in my head and it's just that he's stressed with work. Maybe he feels as close to me, I don't know, I will talk to him about it. You're lucky though that at least he doesn't spend most w/ends with his ex, so it could be worse
HeavenOrHell Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Sounds similar to my partner, again! And yes it sounds like he just doesn't want to keep ranting about his job/stress. It doesn't sound like you've anything to worry about Oh, trust me, we rant to each other, more him than me. and i am supportive and he appreciates it. thats kinda why it hurt my feelings this time, cuz usually he will turn to me for ranting but the other day he just "didnt want to talk about it" and it hurt a little. BUT he did say that he was tired of always bitching about it and didnt want to be so negative all the time. sooo i guess maybe he just feels bad ? we'll see how today goes.
Author lonely79 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 well things are fine, and Im just silly! we chatted for a minute this morning (he said a reminder popped up about me coming to town next week and he was excited!!), and then he was not very talkative again so i just came out and asked "ive noticed you havent been very talkative the last couple days, is it just you being busy with work?" and he said yes, and that it def wasnt me at all! hes got this new task that has him all mad but its a task that takes a lot of time and effort and so he hasnt been able to chat as much. and thats it! so anyway we're gonna try to chat later and talk but yea....i guess i was just being silly. i guess this goes back to the whole LDR making small things seem huge!
HeavenOrHell Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 That's good to hear I feel happier since my partner sent a sweet text earlier too, the smallest things do get blown out of proportion in LDR's for sure, but also the smallest things like a sweet text makes a huge difference too! Sounds like both our partners are having a lot of stress at work at the moment and we just need to be patient with them and not take it personally It would be weird if they turned out to be the same man haha, but let's not start worrying about that well things are fine, and Im just silly! we chatted for a minute this morning (he said a reminder popped up about me coming to town next week and he was excited!!), and then he was not very talkative again so i just came out and asked "ive noticed you havent been very talkative the last couple days, is it just you being busy with work?" and he said yes, and that it def wasnt me at all! hes got this new task that has him all mad but its a task that takes a lot of time and effort and so he hasnt been able to chat as much. and thats it! so anyway we're gonna try to chat later and talk but yea....i guess i was just being silly. i guess this goes back to the whole LDR making small things seem huge!
Author lonely79 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 It would be weird if they turned out to be the same man haha, but let's not start worrying about that this totally made me LOL
Asami Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 well things are fine, and Im just silly! we chatted for a minute this morning (he said a reminder popped up about me coming to town next week and he was excited!!), and then he was not very talkative again so i just came out and asked "ive noticed you havent been very talkative the last couple days, is it just you being busy with work?" and he said yes, and that it def wasnt me at all! hes got this new task that has him all mad but its a task that takes a lot of time and effort and so he hasnt been able to chat as much. and thats it! so anyway we're gonna try to chat later and talk but yea....i guess i was just being silly. i guess this goes back to the whole LDR making small things seem huge! I'm glad that things are ok!
befreckled Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I could have written that! I find that given the state of the relationship (we have been together for 2 months) I find myself questioning every single little thing. I felt that he wasn't online as much. When he was, he wasn't as chatty. I gave it a week and the next week, he was back to normal. Like you, I realised that he was having a bad week at work which I suspected. The thing with LDRs is that, in the absence of being in person, words are all you have. Sometimes we just have to take a backseat and focus on other things i.e . work, your relationship with your friends etc.
wild_urge Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 I could have written that! The thing with LDRs is that, in the absence of being in person, words are all you have. Yeah, very true, but when you don't even have the words, when he doesn't feel at all like talking that day. . . it really gets crazy stressful then . . .
Cee Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Hey Lonely - I just posted a thread about being insecure in my early relationship. You aren't alone and neither am I. It's a good thing we can post on LS instead of freaking out. I admit I am scared sometimes in my relationship. It is going so well that I want it to keep going. But I have to remember that he likes me and one bad day at work won't ruin everything. And if it did, then it wasn't a good relationship. Keep posting and hopefully things will sort themselves out.
Author lonely79 Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Hey Lonely - I just posted a thread about being insecure in my early relationship. You aren't alone and neither am I. It's a good thing we can post on LS instead of freaking out. I admit I am scared sometimes in my relationship. It is going so well that I want it to keep going. But I have to remember that he likes me and one bad day at work won't ruin everything. And if it did, then it wasn't a good relationship. Keep posting and hopefully things will sort themselves out. thank you so much Cee!!! its nice to know Im not alone and others can relate. I know that Befreckled is in pretty much the same boat. Its nice to have people who totally understand!!! because its really hard and there are very high highs and some pretty low lows too. i am also SO very glad we can post here instead of freaking out!! haha
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