jenxbunnyx05 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 This is going to be long since I don't want to leave any part out so you can have a good idea of whats going on. If you choose to read on, I'd really appreciate that. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. When I met him things were good and I felt very comfortable very quick. I just felt I could be 110% myself with him and I liked that he was funny and joked and we had a lot in common. But he would tell me stories that didn't quite make sense or seemed weird. He got into a lot fights and had a bad attitude. He talked crap to alot of people. If a guy looked at me if had to make sure he gave the guy a dirty look or even would say something to them. If we were driving in the car and he saw someone he would make fun of them and he would get road rage too. At home, in arguments he would throw things down like our laptop, he would break things, slam doors, he even pulled the couch in front of the door so I couldn't leave. There was another time, I left to go to my parents and he followed me and tried stopping me in the middle of the street, running red lights. If I made him mad while he was driving (my car) he would slam the brakes, and drive crazy. This isn't even half of the things he's done. If we got into an argument while he was at work he would leave to come home, or if we were at home he wouldn't go to work. I just think this is incredibly irresponsible. A lot went on after he lost his job 3 months into our relationship. When he lost his job, I helped him out a lot and even tried getting him a car. I let him drive my car and drop me off at work. At this point I cared a lot about him and I felt that he needed someone there for him and I didn't want to abandon him that is why I still stayed with him. I was in love with him and he did mean a lot to me. I know he was under a lot of stress but to act that way? When he finally got a job we got our own place. I thought that maybe this would calm him down a bit to have his own space but it seemed to only make it worse. I do have to say though that he does do good things for me he makes me breakfast, dinner, he rubs me, and takes me out. He does do a lot for me, but the anger has really been getting to me. I asked him to see a counselor. But he didn't. I've asked him to be open and honest with me yet I've found FB pages of other girls on our computer. He can't explain to me how they got there. I've even noticed a change in myself. I've become angry and when him and I argue I get very raged because I don't want him treating me the way he does. When he gets angry he says things to me that are very hurtful and mean. Ill give one example, he's said to me that he's had better ass than me. Then the next day hes sorry and acts as if everything's okay. But this goes on almost every single day, and its draining and exhausting me. I feel like I can't do this anymore. I tell him that I want out of this relationship. But he tells me that it takes two and that I'm not the only one who is in this relationship. He finally a year and a half into the relationship decides to go to therapist, because I left for 5 days. I don't know what he told his therapist, but when him and I got into an argument, he told me that the therapist told him that I'm the cause of his anger, that I'm depressed and angry and it's taking a toll on him. This really bothered me because he has put me through so much and to say that I'm the cause? He even told everyone of his friends and family what was going on and they all told him to leave me. This killed me inside, because I know inside that I am not the cause and that I feel I have been somewhat emotionally abused by him. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I should leave him. But our lease isnt up for 6 months! I'm stressed and it's unhealthy. I have interstitial cystitis, and he blames a lot of what's gone on on that. I feel that he blames me for his anger. But I just don't want to be walked on and I have been standing up for myself. I feel like the only reason I'm with him still is because I feel completely 110% comfortable with him and we do everything together. He's my best friend and great companion. But as far as a lover, I truly feel its gone. Please help!
tommy.is.my.name Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I'll write more later when I have time. But, know that its not you, its mostly him. How do I know? I know because I was just like your bf and my ex left me. I'll try to shed more light on this later tonight.
aerogurl87 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 It's not you, it's him. He's got anger issues and needs to stop being in denial and blameshifting and realise that he has some issues he needs to deal with. And you need to leave him.
allenmj Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Stop, take a deep breath, pack your bags and leave. I've seen this too many times in my line of work, you are in danger. Sooner or later he will beat you. All of those other things he does are just warning signs that are always there. Get a restraining order, and find someone who is worthy of your devotion and loyalty.
glimmer Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 The turning things around on you is "crazy making" (see youarenotcrazy.com). This is definitely emotional & verbal abuse. You've got to leave him.
D-Lish Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 he told me that the therapist told him that I'm the cause of his anger, that I'm depressed and angry and it's taking a toll on him No therapist would ever tell someone that anger is someone else's responsibility. Either he's not being honest with his therapist, or he's not being honest with you. A good therapist doesn't encourage a client to blame others for their actions or feelings. Having six months left on a lease is not a reason to stick it out with someone if you're miserable. If you're unhappy, find a way to get out. His anger issues are scary.
tommy.is.my.name Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I would also advise leaving. I'd like to write more but using my phone. I don't believe drastic measures are in order. Restraining order....that's kind of ridiculous.
GreenPolicy Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 How is this even a question? You have to have low self-esteem and an extreme fear of being alone to stay with this piece of sh*t.
allenmj Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I would also advise leaving. I'd like to write more but using my phone. I don't believe drastic measures are in order. Restraining order....that's kind of ridiculous. Ridiculous? Sorry, but did you read the OP? In my line of work, I see this every day, 2-3 times a day. The things she describes are textbook. This man is violent and dangerous. Perhaps during the next fight, he takes it to the next level and slams the car into a tree just to prove a point? - I've seen it happen. Pulled the couch in front of the door so she couldn't leave!? - Seriously? Ridiculous indeed.
Author jenxbunnyx05 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) Thank you for the replies. I've talked to many people now who've all told me the same thing, leave, it's not safe. I know that being in this relationship is not healthy and it's not going to change. I've been holding on for too long. I don't think it's because I'm insecure or afraid of being alone, I think it's more, I'm afraid of his reaction and what he might do to get back at me if I actually leave. Or what he might do to himself. I'm afraid. He's never physically hurt me, but his anger is scary. I do think I need to see a therapist too. I've been through a lot and maybe talking to someone would really make me realize some things about myself. I talked to my mom for two hours today, because him and I had another big fight. I'm packing my things on Weds (my day off) and leaving. But to be honest, I'm terrified. He doesn't know. I also wanted to sit in on his next session and listen just to hear what is said. Is this a good idea for me? Or just completely let go and move? Edited February 28, 2011 by jenxbunnyx05
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