nowhereman1964 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I'm trying to figure out a woman I like before I make a fool of myself. I already feel foolish writing about this to strangers, but I need some opinions. I'm 46, she's 33, I've known her for several years. I have been divorced a year after a 10 year marriage. I knew this girl while I was married and thought she was very nice, but i never did anything, nor did she, though we got to be friends. We met through work. I'm a delivery driver and I delivered to her workplace, so we would talk a little every few days. Gotta admit it was one of the highlights of the day. We got involved in a side business together and spent more time talking and hanging out. I was attracted to her but knew my place. My marriage had been over emotionally if not legally for a while, but it never occurred to me to think anything would happen with her, I'm not the type of guy to stray, even when I knew the marriage was going to be done. She's been hard for me to read--she is very friendly and talks a lot. We have confided a lot of stuff in each other. I told her about my upcoming divorce 1.5 years ago. I went through a lot of junk with that, but things calmed down last summer. I helped her out some with stuff at her business. One time she gave me a quick hug, and offered to buy me dinner, which I refused, because I didn't want her to think she owed me anything. I was happy just to spend time with her and help her out. She was moving her business and I helped a little with that. We went on a business trip together a few months ago. Again, it was hard to read her. She is very reserved and has said how shy she is. We talk about being shy a lot. We just kind of talked about everything, which I don't know if that is good or not. Nothing physical happened on the trip. I felt awkward because I can't read her. I'm not the kind of guy to just grab a woman and kiss her. It's been a while since I was dating, I don't even know what people do or expect any more, and she's younger. She grabbed my hand on the plane ride when it was bumpy which was nice. She doesn't talk about men very much (she's straight, I know), she is very into her business and she's had a lot of problems with it lately. She is stressed out (as am I, but for diff. reasons). I've tried to encourage her to get out of her shell (yah, I should take my own advice) and go out and do stuff and not focus on biz all the time. She said she had to do something, because there was a guy she liked. I tuned that out. I don't know who she meant or what she was talking about. Later she asked me if I wanted to get married again, and I said NO, and she said she didn't want to get married either, but she wanted kids. I told her to go out and meet some guys (I don't know why I said that) and she said she met guys, but not many that she liked. She's had a busy time the past couple of months and I have only seen her a couple of times when I delivered to her office. Nice and friendly (and she is still cute). She told me about all the crap she is going through. We had some long phone conversations before Christmas, but haven't talked on the phone since. I'm wondering if I should approach her, tell her that I like her as more than a friend. I don't know if she sees me as just a friend. She doesn't really flirt, but she is always smiling at me, and she has given me Christmas cards in the past saying how she appreciates everything, and appreciates our friendship. I'm so out of what is done these days. Haven't dated since the 1990s. I'm not sure how I got this old. The word friend zone is scaring me. Am I there? How do I get out? THanks for your replies.
blackmagik Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 There is only one way not to get friend zoned. Either tell her how you feel about her or make a romantic move (kiss, etc.). You could always ask her out on a date, but you have to make sure she knows its a date not just a time out.. I don't think you are friend zoned quite yet.. but you will be if you don't act soon.
Author nowhereman1964 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 There is only one way not to get friend zoned. Either tell her how you feel about her or make a romantic move (kiss, etc.). You could always ask her out on a date, but you have to make sure she knows its a date not just a time out.. I don't think you are friend zoned quite yet.. but you will be if you don't act soon. Thanks for the reply. I guess I am hesitant because of the age difference/divorce and her mentioning liking a guy. I don't know if she meant me. I didn't ask, it kind of rubbed me the wrong way, and she clammed up about it.
blackmagik Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 That could be her way of hinting at you to ask her out. Especially if she played coy about it. Here is the thing. Do you want to be her friend in the long term or would you want it to be a relationship? If you want it to be a relationship you have to strike now. I wouldn't worry about age, really the difference isn't that bad and age is only a number, not something to stress about. I would say ask her on a proper date, the worst that could happen is she could say no and the sexual tension in the room will be gone and you can remain friends.
Author nowhereman1964 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Thanks, I appreciate that. I am definitely leaning towards asking her out soon. She was definitely coy about it, but I didn't ask anything else.
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