Sugarkane Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 You know it just amkes me think are they going to do the same thing to the next person? Convince themselves that there's always someone else better out there, no matter who their dating?
Tayla Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Excerpt from Romoguys original post "Is this what happens? Dumper - Sees only the bad, breaks up, time passes by, realizes It wasn't as bad as they made it out to be, Sees only the good Dumpee - Sees only the good, broken up with, Heartbroken, time passes by, realizes there were Issues and it wasn't that good, sees only the bad Im sure ive missed some steps in there, but you guys have any thoughts on this? assuming It was a great relationship for the most part, I feel like this is what happens" My response- It varies contingent on the basis of the relations (foundation). Lets say the Dumper realized the other was cheating or violated a trust . SOmetimes a quick release of moving on is necessary. For the Dumpee- Man I cannot even begin to tell you how heartbreaking some of them are, yet for some of the times I was dumped I left with my head held high, minimal damage to my esteem and a sense that we both did the right thing by moving on in different directions. SOmetimes I actually felt empathy on how hard it must have been for the Dumper to finish off the relations.....Some maturity comes into play perhaps that allows the individuals to see its reached its end..... More times then not if the lady is creating the ending, she knows months in advance and yes, she has in her own verbal way along with actions that she isnt happy or things have gone askew. Just so few guys pick up on the verbal and non verbal cues being exhibited. No offense but if a guy is blind sided about the breakup its because the blinders have been on soo long and when the light shines in...they arent able to focus on what was there the whole time. It takes restrospect to see things for what they were.... Its matters not who did what, the reality is, its a sad moment for both individuals to surrender the relations they had built. Letting go is hard to do.
Movingthrough Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Equally, as time passes, the dumpee's ego mends and I think they get to a point where they say, really in one's own interest - "I love myself too much to look back and reconsider this person that left me; they can't have been perfect for me if they did that, and in fact, if I examine the relationship, they weren't". The dumper has not had a deeply unhappy experience like being dumped, so their feelings about the other person aren't scarred in that way, so if the attraction returns, they might emotionally be more prepared to pick up where they left off. This is a great theroy here. Never looked at it that way but makes a lot of sense. I actually remember doing this to an ex once where i broke it off, when i came back later to see how she was doing, i could never understand what made it so hard to talk to me. Let me tell you, now i know, and it makes me feel horrible. What is posted above i think is a great way to look at it, makes a lot of sense.
turokturok5 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 If i was a douche bag enough to take this route, there are plenty of issues I could have made her feel like crap about that bothered me a very tiny bit, but never enough for me to break up with her over i know EXACTLY how this feels. My ex had things wrong that pissed me off, she was more committed to our group of friends rather than me, she would plan something - always to do with the group and never together, she was afraid to show me affection in front of our friends let alone people we didnt know, she pretty much tried to avoid being alone with me. I would never try anything to make her feel uncomfortable and i stuck by her because i cared about her, as soon as i question her about being more committed to the group than to me, i get the flick. Oh but dont worry, she told me the group would be fine, that we would all stick together as friends still, that us not being a couple changed nothing, i reluctantly said i was relieved, but really i say to hell with the group.
Sugarkane Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 i know EXACTLY how this feels. My ex had things wrong that pissed me off, she was more committed to our group of friends rather than me, she would plan something - always to do with the group and never together, she was afraid to show me affection in front of our friends let alone people we didnt know, she pretty much tried to avoid being alone with me. I would never try anything to make her feel uncomfortable and i stuck by her because i cared about her, as soon as i question her about being more committed to the group than to me, i get the flick. Oh but dont worry, she told me the group would be fine, that we would all stick together as friends still, that us not being a couple changed nothing, i reluctantly said i was relieved, but really i say to hell with the group. Exactly the same thing happened to me!
Author RomoGuy Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) Here are some quotes by someone named Zorba at enotalone.com which matches my original post.... "It often boils down to this. Humans are attracted to what they can't have. They are really attracted to what they thought they had but now don't. That's one of the big reasons dumpees go into a panic when the split first happens. That's why dumpees forget about the dumpers bad points and concentrate on the good. If you want them back reverse that. Basic human nature." "If you've improved yourself, for yourself in the interim. If you've had LC with the ex and didn't go all childish and immature when you instigated LC or NC, then he/she will think of you. The time apart will tend to make them forget about your bad sides and the things that made them lose their attraction for you. Nostalgia will kick in. When you think about a good holiday you had, you don't tend to remember the waiting around in airports or the bad food one night or the sunburn, except as jokey things. You think about the god parts of the holiday itself. Same with relationships pretty much(unless they were abusive)." Edited February 28, 2011 by RomoGuy
Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Here are some quotes by someone named Zorba at enotalone.com which matches my original post.... "If you've improved yourself, for yourself in the interim. If you've had LC with the ex and didn't go all childish and immature when you instigated LC or NC, then he/she will think of you. The time apart will tend to make them forget about your bad sides and the things that made them lose their attraction for you. Nostalgia will kick in. When you think about a good holiday you had, you don't tend to remember the waiting around in airports or the bad food one night or the sunburn, except as jokey things. You think about the god parts of the holiday itself. Same with relationships pretty much(unless they were abusive)." Somehow I doubt this in my situation. My ex is probably jumping from one girl straight to the next as usual. I did everything right and I haven't been contacted even once, since we split. I highly doubt my ex will ever contact me, he is far too arrogant. RomoGuy, if the attractive guy in the picture is you, you can do so much better than this girl
Author RomoGuy Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 Somehow I doubt this in my situation. My ex is probably jumping from one girl straight to the next as usual. I did everything right and I haven't been contacted even once, since we split. I highly doubt my ex will ever contact me, he is far too arrogant. RomoGuy, if the attractive guy in the picture is you, you can do so much better than this girl sorry to hear about your ex, we just have to cut them loose... forget them, the way they choose to live their lives is their decisions, they'll be the ones living with regret... thanks, that is me in the pic Ive just sort of idolized this one in my head, thats why its so hard to get over... There are better things out there for us. Heck, anyone that doesn't leave you is better.. haha
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