Bluebelle38 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Just to say, my ex wasnt married. Agree with you ver13 that you could never trust a man that was OK to live a life like this. His children are old enough to understand. It's all a damn cop out if you ask me. This guy is a selfish pillock! If he was ever going to actually leave he'd have done it the first time the affair came out in the open.
Author believed Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 Hi believed Hope you are OK? I read your story and am sorry that you are hurting. But at the same time I really hope you have seen the light. This man has robbed you of years of your life. His false promises actually sicken me. If he was in any way decent he would have cut you off a long time ago and allowed you to meet a man that could commit to you. Thanks for your concern and your post Bluebelle! It´s a dark day, but I´m better. I do have seen the light! I have been through many thoughts pro and against in my autumn-period, and many of my worries was about the time i give to uncertainty. I could not live by it anymore, and it is also why i was so defensive and protective this year. At least tried to. I have recently split with a man who was a commitment-phobe. We dated on/off for 8 years. I'm disgusted in him for picking me up and then cutting me off when it suited him. But I am more angry that I allowed it to happen. I am also 38. I've never wanted children so am not worried about that side of things. It is still in my mind, and I´m very unclear about what I think, blaming nobody but myself if i woke up too late. I cant get those years back and am now looking to the real freedom I have to move on with my life without the lying, manipulative and downright cruel person he is. Trust me, he never had any intention of committing to me. He simply wanted his needs met. I´m sorry to hear that, and it is worth getting really angry for. I´m glad you got out! I really hope that you stay strong. I know how much easier it is to cave and get back on that 'hope' merry-go-round, but you are only doing yourself a total disservice. I will not fall back in at all. This time was one time too much where I allowed myself to see the same behavour. Run for the hills if he contacts you again. Sorry, but these type of men make me feel ill. Selfish to the core. He knew cutting you off would hurt you deeply but did he care? Nope, not a jot. I think this might be what I react so strongly too. He knew my criterias, he felt my defensive attitude, and finnished it off once again the same way. He´s the first one to have expressed that it is very easy to hurt me. I have an issue of always staying by my words, expecting no less from other people, and I never learn from disappointments, because I simply trust too much. Go out there girl and grab yourself a happier life I plan to I will, just give me a few days
Author believed Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 I really don't know what to say to you about all of this I hate to see someone suffer yet at the same time what did you expect. Yes, what did I expect, and why? IThe MM is just that M and he has a family to boot. I'm always surprised at how people get involved with MP and have expectations, how can you. Ye, how could I, and why did I have expectations? IEven if the situation turned out in your favor could you live with someone that is capable of conducting their relationsips like that, I mean what is to keep them from doing it to you in the future. No, it started to bother me, and it was also why I was defensive. I had no confidence in how I would be treated or how he might turn around further on and go back to his family again. I mean what was he going to tell his kids? " By the way kid's I'm leaving Mommy for another women". No, I don´t think he planned on putting it like that. I would not like it be the reason he left. If you read my first thread you will see that I´m not the reason for the problems in the M, but I admit I´m part of the reason for the complications. He needs to leave because the M is done. I would need, and he knows, a time to try out and see what a relation between us in the open would really be. IMP need to be out of the current relationship formally before you go anywhere near them period. Or before they go anywhere near OW with promises and dreams. We are not all experienced in this MM/OW world. This has not happend to me before, and will not happen again. It is a person whom I have known for a long time, and he has know me, he´s old enough for me to expect a certain judgement, and he invites to trust, as I have always been able to. I'm sorry for your lose but look at it this way what if you were of his W wouldn't you fight for what you have. An if not wouldn't him to be gone way before he met someone else. I would probably fight if there was a relation to fight for. If you read my first thread, you would see that this is not what the "fight" is about. Otherwise I would set the person free, and find back to myself.
ver13 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Exactly my point on this how can anyone who is willing to do this to someone else not be capable of doing it to you.
Author believed Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 No, it started to bother me, and it was also why I was defensive. I had no confidence in how I would be treated or how he might turn around further on and go back to his family again. ver13: Then probably we agree, but you learn the hard way, by experience.
ver13 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 There are two way's to learn you can look and learn or you can live and learn. The first one requires only your endivided attention to what people are doing not what they are saying. The second on requires you putting yourself in danger, somethings we live and learn we never recover from. It's up to the person on how far they are willing to go to find out what's on the other side of the door.
Author believed Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 There are two way's to learn you can look and learn or you can live and learn. The first one requires only your endivided attention to what people are doing not what they are saying. I didn´t have the chance to look, I only know about one affair closley, parents to a friend of mine, very similar case to mine, and the father chose to leave. Today 20 years later still married to the OW, and the grown up kids act as grown ups. Of course now, when I have been in it myself, suddenly people come forward with their stories... The second on requires you putting yourself in danger, somethings we live and learn we never recover from. It's up to the person on how far they are willing to go to find out what's on the other side of the door. I´m not sure it is really that and easy and simple choice when you are in the middle of it.
ver13 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 I know that it sounds so easy to say and yet so hard to do but I have found that when I stop talking and jsut listen to what my people have to say and see what they are really doing it can make a world of difference. Now that you have been through the eye of the needle and I know it hurts see how small it is. All that matters is that you survived and you can look back on this and say never again I'm to big to fit thriugh that hole.
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