fiat500 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 i suck at coping. i just can't do it. when i think there's a light at the end of the tunnel, it's like a vent from above opens up and spews sh*t. since the breakup, haven't been able to concentrate up until very recently. but it doesn't matter anymore. missed the deadline to get into four year school of my dreams. wasn't able to force myself to meet it in time. had been excited about it since visiting the school over the summer. but i've just felt dead inside every single day since november. missed the deadline to sign up for local classes at community college. my mind was yelling at me to continue on, but my will and my body are not connected. had a very bad day a week ago after seeing picture of ex and his new girl. was a wreck the day after at work and spent 20 minutes in the bathroom. the company recently had a new shift in managers. i was with the company for four years. we're allowed 15 minute breaks. that was my first break. new manager was in a pissy mood i went over 5 minutes. my first write up ever. got fired today. can't fall any further but i can't stand up either. feel like driving my car off a bridge. no one loves me but my parents.
january2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 ((((((fiat500)))))) I'm so sorry about everything that's happened. Perhaps you need to get out of there and a change of scenery might give you a chance to regroup. It might or might not help but I used to look at the following poem when I was in a similar position: Coming To The End When you come to the end of everything you know And are faced with the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on, Or you will be taught how to fly. By Barbara J. Winter Have faith, fiat500. Things will get better. I promise. In the meantime, we are always here to listen.
poorguy Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 You poor thing. It sounds like you are having a few bad days that's for sure. Just relax and vent all you need to here...It will get better for you and as a result this process you are going through is going to make you stronger than you were before and with strength comes happiness....So just hold on
marqueemoon4 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I'm right there with you... you gotta hold on though! You can do it.
is2008 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 stay strong fiat, just remember... the only way is up. you're going through a really tough time now so things can only get better from here on out. just hang in there with your fellow LSers
timchambo Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 awww fiat... seriously I want to just give you a hug right now. **** I could use one just as bad. I am also having a hard time focusing on work right now. Based on your post you sound like your probably pretty young as your trying to go to school and all. There is so much to live for, so much time ahead. You probably just becoming an adult... when life's adventure truly begins. And now whether you like it or not right now, you get to do it with a clean slate. How are you seeing pics of your ex? Stay away from that **** seriously. Every time I "know" that I am over my ex I do a bit of digging and never like what I find. I feel I am over her in a sense I know she's a piece of ****, but I am not immune to that pain just yet. Keep your head up girl, it only gets better from here.
mickleb Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Have you been to your doctor, fiat? You seem to be describing depression: treat it seriously. x
Good Arms Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 The only way can be up from here, fiat500! I can totally relate to feeling 'dead inside' since November... I've been much the same. If I had any deadlines to meet, big decisions to make, I'd have been been in no state of mind to act on them. Fired for being 5 minutes over break? I don't know, but surely something as trivial as that is grounds for unfair dismissal? They should be supporting you at a time like this! It sounds like it was a place you're better off leaving anyway, much like my workplace. You know, it won't feel like it now, but it really could be a blessing in disguise, a break from your old life, old memories and triggers. I often think that's what I need to truly start moving on. Hang in there, things will surely get better for you.
Renard99 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) Sorry to hear what you're going through. I can empathise in some ways. After my break up, after 7 and a half years together, I was so devastated that I too missed the sign up deadline for local classes that I'd spent the last few months getting excited about. I'd even spent hundreds and hundreds on equipment for the lessons. I also have the threat of redundancy hanging over my head at work. They've told me my job is one of the ones at risk so I may not have a job soon either, which, considering i've had to take on all the bills on my own since she left, would be the last straw for me. Please hang in there, you're not as alone as you think! As people say, the only way is up from here. We can all make a fresh start from the ground up. All you need to do is find a vent that's not spewing down on you. It's difficult but there's one out there for all of us. As I've said in other threads, we're all survivors. We could have all been sucked under by the relationship sinking and lost beneath the waves. But we didn't, we're still here and still alive, if only barely. Surely that's something to celebrate? no one loves me but my parents. Your parents still love you, so all is not lost! I've found great solace in my parents these last few weeks. Don't be afraid to lean on people (even if it's on these forums), you'll be amazed how much it'll help! Just hang in there. We're all here for you, and I'm sure I speak on everyone's behalf when I say we're wishing you the very best at this tough time! Edited February 25, 2011 by Renard99
Graceful Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) fiat honey, reading your post takes me back to some of the darkest days of my life after my breakup, I can totally relate, right down to thinking that "only my parents love me" but let me tell you, I would not have survived without that love. You will survive, we are all here to tell you that, and we are all here as living proof to you, that you will get through this. One thing that helps is to just tackle ONE thing. Forget the list, forget the goals. Just try to do one thing at a time, no matter how big or small it is. Please listen. Do not let this experience define you. Do not let your ex define you. Do not let your broken heart define you. You are so much more. This is one of life's toughest knocks, look at this board, we're all witnesses to the pain and broken feelings. Do you think (and do you want?) you can get reinstated at your job by asking to go in and speak to HR about what's been going on with you and ask if perhaps they can bring you back on a probationary basis? Or is it a relief to be gone? Is it a blessing in disguise? Maybe doing something like this would show you that you have confidence and the ability to stand up for yourself, I don't know. I only suggest this because you are already overwhelmed, but if you think it's a mixed blessing, maybe the thought of a new job would be a way of moving forward. Maybe the process will give you a fresh start, and you can get a jump start on getting back into taking classes, too. And you know the drill, no looking at pics, FB, or anything else. This you cannot do, under any circumstances, okay? We're here for you. xox Edited February 25, 2011 by Graceful
Renard99 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 One thing that helps is to just tackle ONE thing. Forget the list, forget the goals. Just try to do one thing at a time, no matter how big or small it is. That reminds me of something an old college buddy said to me that helped: "live life second by second. Then, when you feel stronger, minute by minute. Eventually it'll be hour by hour, day by day and month by month, by which point you'll probably stop counting!"
silvermane187 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Damn that sucks. Kind of similar to my story. My first day back at work after getting dumped by my GF of 3 years I was demoted from a task which requires brain power to the most tedious mind numbingly boring task of pulling files from cabnits all day. For the first few weeks I couldn't get through a day without wanting to break down at least once. After 4-6 weeks of that I was finaly starting to feel a little better, I started talking to this hot girl I worked with that I never had a chance too when I was with my ex. Just as I was starting to entertain the thought of asking this girl out I get laid off completely from that job. Fast forward to the next month, I have a new job that pays better and complicated enough to keep my mind off her. The only problem is instaed of working an hour away from her apartment I now work down the street from her. All the progress I made was thrown out the window when during my training I would find eyes drifting out the window to a spot where we used to meet up on a regular basis. Out of all the rooms in the big office building I had a room with a view of the one spot that would constantly trigger memories for me. Now after almost 2 months of that I feel like I'm starting to make progress again. Too bad there are no hot girls to help distract me at this new job. Anyway, good luck with everything. Don't forget to exercise, eat healthier, and try to distract yourself as much as possible.
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