He wants FWB - But it's more complicated than that.

[hmartin]

This ended up being very longggg. I've summarized the key points right here. If you want to know the details please read. But I think all you need is info in the summary to help me! Any help is hugely appreciated.

 

Summary:

- Broke up after a strong 3 year relationship.

- Reason: I slept with someone else while we broke up previously and he found out. He also had a suspicious relationship with a co-worker. He did end up sleeping with her after we broke up, and I'm worried they still are.

- After three weeks NC he contacts me, we talk things out a bit, and he asks for FWB, nothing more RIGHT NOW because he can't trust me.

- Spent two amazing weekends together. After the first weekend we texted all week. After this last one, he hasn't texted me at all.

- Weekend felt more intense than just FWB. He'd hold my hand, stroke my face, PDA (slightly), hold my head into his chest while cuddling in bed.

- Now he's not texting me. I'm not sure what to do. I want to tell him that he can't just go and have a great weekend with me and not text me all week. I don't know if I should text him tonight, I probably should. Can't get mad at him if he doesn't text me if I don't try to text him.

- Any insight into why he might be not texting me?

 

- Any insight into anything? haha. This is so confusing.

 

Details:

 

In a nutshell. My ex and I dated for three years. We broke up a month ago. At the time he said it was because we were too different, I was too needy/clingy, and he just didn't feel the same for me anymore.

 

Three weeks go by with NC. He found out that when he and I broke up the last time a round the second year mark I slept with someone else and lied about it. So that creates trust issues.

 

But I have trust issues with him as well. During the last month of the relationship he had a relationship with a girl from work that raised red flags. I don't think he cheated. She also had a boyfriend. But I found flirtatious messages on his facebook indicating something had already happened, and I also later found out from the horse's mouth that they slept together - aparently once.

 

We started seeing each other. After a few drinks one night he asked for FWB, I obliged. But I probably would have even if I had been sober, which is the sad part. He told me the reason was that he couldn't handle a relationship with me right now due to trust issues.

 

We got together the 12th of Feb for the first time. And then we hung out again on Valentine's Day. Each time we were cuddling and watching movies.

 

This last weekend was the emotionally intense one. I've never done FWB with anyone before, but I think this goes beyond that. It felt like we were a couple again.

 

- Saturday: He texts me and asks what I'm doing. I tell him I'm grabbing a beer with a male friend at a downtown pub. He send a message in a "light" manner saying "Ouch, a date at the same place we met? And you used to bother me for not being romantic." He said it didn't bother him, but he texted me at 11:00pm after his concert and asked me to come over. I did, I was waiting for a bus to come home. We joked saying that I went home with the wrong guy, and he said "Maybe you went home with the right guy." I slept over.

 

- Sunday: Went home for a bit to hang out with a friend. He had texted me on Wednesday to make plans for Sunday. We met up again for dinner at Earls. Then went back to his place. We had a few drinks. He accidentally called me babe. We cuddled and watched movies. I slept over again.

 

- Monday: Ran around and did errands. We went to Denny's. He was quiet the whole way there. I asked if he was okay. Still quiet at Denny's. But he touched my hand like he used to when we were dating as if to say "I'm okay, don't worry." PDA is a huge thing for him as well. I helped him unpack a few things at his apartment and we had pizza together.

 

So all in all, the reason it felt like more than FWB is the way he treated me. The first thing he did Saturday when we took our coats of was give me a big hug kiss me on the top of my head. He'd do this often throughout the weekend. We cuddled on the couch, but he'd also do things like carress my cheek and hold my hand. He'd rub my arm. He'd lean his cheek on my head and play with my hear. When laying in bed we'd fall asleep cuddling, break away during the night, and find our way back in the morning. When cuddling he'd place his hand on my head and hold it to his chest.

 

All in all it felt like we were together again. He asked me to go with him to a dinner theatre with him at the end of March - so planning for the future.

 

Here's the kicker - He hasn't texted me all week! I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure what the reasons are for not texting me.

 

I'm thinking they could be: He's not interested anymore, he's been sick (unlikely reason, he still can text when he's sick), the weekend was too intense for him and he's worried about his feelings, or the weekend was so intense and he wants to send the message to not get too excited, or he's just busy texting his female friend from work again.

 

I thought that things had slowed down with them. Every time I hung out with him he got NO texts. She brought her boyfriend to a poker game with co-workers. But when I asked him if they were still sleeping together his first response was "...maybe..." and then I asked him again "Are you serious?" and he said he wasn't. I told him later his response made me uncomfortable and sleeping with her and I simultaneously is the deal breaker, I will not continue FWB with him if he sleeps with her too. He told me it was over. But I'm not so sure about that now.

 

So I'm not sure if I should text him tonight. Ultimately, I do want him back. So I feel like I should be as drama free and casual as possible, but right now I feel like telling him he can't just give me an amazing weekend, not text me all week, and expect me to still come around.

 

I really don't know what to do.

Edited February 24, 2011 by hmartin

[ladii]

you're setting yourself up for being used..because that is what you will feel if you continue on...

 

you can't tell him who he can and can't sleep with...fwb is just that...someone not important but to just sex with...

 

Have some morals and cut him off...it all sounds messy everyone sleeping with everyone that has a bf etc...total turn off and disrespectful to the other parties involved..I would question what kind of a guy is he to get involved with some girl that has a partner...

 

Just because he strokes you with affection that doesn't mean anything...what means something is when he stops seeing that other girl and tells you he wants a relationship with you again...anything less is trash...

 

cut him dry...go NC if you want any respect back for yourself...right now it sounds desperate to get any part of him...

[alfakisnddcieh]

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[chris1987]

DON'T PUT YOUR SELF THOUGH THAT! Relationships are about more then sex. tell him (if you want him that is) you guys need to work things out and go with out sex for a while and if it goes good then jump back in. Dont do that to your self you will prolong your pain over this!