Sad Lily Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Hi everyone, I'm usually not the kind do post about my relationship online.. but was hoping to get some advice and help ease the mind. Long story short, My ex and I met online 3-4 years ago. We were friends but I always had some feelings for him. After about 2 years, I told him I liked him and we hung out when he was in town (we live about 8 hours apart). We kind of hit it off and started a long distance relationship. Everything was good for about 8 months.. Then all of a sudden after a trip to visit his family, he told me that he finds our conversations boring and repetitive. He is the kind that doesn't show his feelings or say sweet things so I was a bit insecure as well. After being super hurt about what he said, we talked and he said he wanted to break up. I said ok but we can't be friends. He argued about it a little but I told him I just can't be his friend. We ended at that and never really spoke for 6 months (I did wish him a happy birthday on facebook 2 months after the breakup though). 2 Months ago I moved closer (still about 3 hrs apart) to him (This was a job relocation and I took it cause it was closer to him - was all part of the plan to keep the relationship going). He even offered to still help me with my move and show me around when were breaking up - but I declined. The time I moved was actually around my birthday. He wished me a Happy Birthday on facebook and a mutual friend pointed that out to me so I msged him thanking him and hoping that everything is going well for him. He msged back and asked me about my move and how things are going. I replied back with the general everything is good. We didn't have contact after that, then a couple of days ago, he msged me on facebook saying he'll be in town and that we should grab food and catch up. I was happy and agreed (since it's been a long time). We txt back and forth about where to meet up and then he was like I have a fun idea, let's meet in front of your building in downtown. It was fun idea cause when we were together and passed by the building, I had told him, you should remember where my building is. He goes why? I'm not working there. I told him well.. what about when you have to pick me up from work? He actually remembered... I was bit surprised cause he always seems so nonchalant when we were together. Little did he know that's not where I end up actually working. I didn't want to spoil it for him so I said ok and took the bus to downtown to meet him. We end up taking a train back the same way I came from. He said he felt bad for making me taking the bus all the way to downtown and paid for my train ticket. So, we got off the train and he drove to the restaurant. Everything went fine the whole night. We just chat about our common friends, work, school, family, etc.. We joked and laughed. We didn't talk about our relationship and I made it a point to not bring up the past.. But to my surprised he brought up things we used to do and places we had gone together through out the night. There was little bits of silences here and there that was slightly awkward. We ended the dinner and he drove me home. I said goodnight, he said take care. About an hour after I got home, I txted him thanking him for dinner (he paid for it - wouldn't let me pay) and said it was good seeing him. He replied it was fun and next time he's in town, he'll give me a shout. I'm probably thinking too much but is it a possibility that he may still have feelings for me? One thing I noticed is that during the end of the dinner, he checked his watch a few times as if he's on a schedule.. There is a small chance that he has a girlfriend but I don't know.
Bateman Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I do think you handled the initial break-up pretty well. so bravo, haha. So it's been 6 months since the breakup and he calls you out of the blue to let you know he will be in town and actually suggested and paid for dinner? That sounds like a date to me. If I were you I wouldn't read into it much though. This might be just a friendly gesture. If you feel like you can be friends with him than that's great. But if you want another shot at the relationship, you should play this cool. 6 months is kind of a long time. He may have a girlfriend, or may have had one and it ended and he wants you back as a doormat. I could be wrong. Just play this slow. If you could handle just being friends with him right now without falling in love or anything then I think that's your best shot at rekindling something. But be cautious. Let the forum know how it goes. You can usually get a lot more advice on here. It DOES help.
Author Sad Lily Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Bateman, Thank you for the reply. I know that a guy paying for dinner is usually just a gentleman's way. The thing that is throwing me off, is him wanting to meet up at my work place and bringing up things we used to do/places we used to go to.. I think a part of the reason we broke up is that he sort of took me for granted. I initiated most of the contact, etc.. so I won't do that again no matter how hard it is. He actually never asked a girl out in his life so if he actually reaches out to me, I know it's genuine. Will be great if I can get others opinion on this.
carhill Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Hi OP, welcome to LS What culture is your ex? I ask because of his sudden change in attitude after visiting family. Also, before the breakup occurred, how much talk and planning was there during the eight months you were 'together' about actually being together, physically, as a couple? It would be one thing if you had only just met, but you had known each other for two years at the point you told him you 'liked him'.
Author Sad Lily Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Hi OP, welcome to LS What culture is your ex? I ask because of his sudden change in attitude after visiting family. Also, before the breakup occurred, how much talk and planning was there during the eight months you were 'together' about actually being together, physically, as a couple? It would be one thing if you had only just met, but you had known each other for two years at the point you told him you 'liked him'. Hi Carhill, thank you for the warm welcome! He is Black, born and raised in Canada, but his family lives in the Trinidad. While he was in Trinidad, we spoke on the phone every other day and everything was normal and happy. We even spend some time together right before his trip. In 8 months, we saw each other in person about 6 times. We spoke about the move about 4 months into the relationship and he was extremely happy.
carhill Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 A few questions: Did he seem, during your dinner, to be behaving consistently with the man you knew in the past? Did you and he share any sexual intimacy during your LDR? During your LDR, and prior, did he ever give you or did you perceive any reasons to distrust him? Are you OK with him not showing his feelings? You were together a pretty long time. Can you imagine a lifetime of that emotional style? Did you ever see him show his feelings to anyone, like family or close friends whom you would presume he loves? What do you want?
Author Sad Lily Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Did he seem, during your dinner, to be behaving consistently with the man you knew in the past? Yes, he was acting like how he used to be (expect for always checking his watch towards the end of the dinner). Did you and he share any sexual intimacy during your LDR? Yes During your LDR, and prior, did he ever give you or did you perceive any reasons to distrust him? No, he's a honorable man and I trust him 100% even with the distance. Are you OK with him not showing his feelings? You were together a pretty long time. Can you imagine a lifetime of that emotional style? Did you ever see him show his feelings to anyone, like family or close friends whom you would presume he loves? In the beginning, he did show it somewhat. I have met his friends and he has told his family about me. His parents even asked why he didn't invite me to go on the trip to Trinidad with him. What do you want? I want to start over with him.
Author Sad Lily Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 Hoping others will have input on this..
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