Mrlonelyone Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I think some of this goes back to the whole "Can men and women be friends" debate. I'm of the mindset that they can and my bf says "Nope, not possible" so I can see situations where there are innocent intentions and he says there's no way it could have been misconstrued I suppose for the women you're asking out to have a better idea of your intentions, you could change your verbiage a little. Maybe something like "Hey, I've enjoyed talking to you and would love to take you to lunch or dinner sometime and get to know you better". Something that would give her a little better idea what you had in mind. I think sometimes it's not so obvious to women. There was a time several years ago that I had a boyfriend and talked about him frequently in the office. One of my co-workers, quite a few years older than I was, asked me to go to lunch next door one day. It was a casual restaurant that several of us would go to for lunch. We went, had a nice lunch, and that was that. Later, one of my other coworkers told me he had considered it a date. I was honestly so surprised. I saw it as a just lunch with a coworker and he apparently viewed it as something different. The thing is, had he been more direct, and maybe me not be so naive, I would have told him upfront I was obviously not interested. I just didn't realize Men and women can be friends. The thing is a male friend would usually not mind having sex with a female friend too.... a FWB. A mans brain just works that way...any attractive women in his life will at some point be the subject of sexual thoughts. As to the issue of infidelity. If a person who has a SO ask you out...then they are looking for something. They are looking for something they don't get in their relationship. If we are talking about a marriage I agree that it's sanctity has to be respected. However a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship is not the same. The reason marriage deservess the respect it gets is because it is a real true commitment with legal and moral implications.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I can't think of an instance during a time when I had a boyfriend, where I accepted an invitation by a member of the opposite sex, to go out together one-on-one. It's a question of right versus wrong, what is appropriate versus what isn't, which in itself is subjective. For example, say you have been dating the same person for a few months, you've been physically intimate with each other, but no discussion of being exclusive. The man mentions he is going to a friend's party with a female friend, he was supposed to pick her up but instead meets her there. He mentions to the female he is dating, that his female friend was mad at him for not picking her up instead. You want to give the man the benefit of the doubt, and view it as platonic, and I suppose that is where trust comes in. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone where you are mistrustful towards these types of interactions. Personally, I can be friends with a male and have no desire towards him in a romantic fashion. I can interact with him, hang out with him, and still have no romantic inclination towards him. I do tend to notice though, that when I was in a mutually exclusive committed relationship, I really didn't have a desire to have and/or maintain platonic friendships with other men. Whether or not that was "healthy" on my part, I am not sure. I guess that is something I need to further explore for myself having now thought about it.... I have a good female friend that I do hang out with one on one and she does have a boyfriend (they've been dating for almost 4 years I think). But I think it's a little different because we've known each other for 12 years, live down the street from each other, pretty much view each other as siblings. I can see something like that happening, but when it's a new person I think it's easy for people's signals to get crossed.
dispatch3d Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 lol I rolled my eyes at the date thing. Some women should seriously get a hobby (other than making guys angry). ps. be glad that one cancelled on you, she's either dumb, loves drama, or both.
elaina Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 ...OR, assume it's NOT a date? I had a sitaution, a while back, where I picked up this store manager of a bookstore. She barely knew me, only talked a couple of times, it was bookstore in a mall. I asked her if she went on her lunch break, we could get lunch at the cafe court. We got lunch, but we went dutch (she paid her own). We sit down to talk to get to know each other further, and then she mentioned her boyfriend in conversation, "blah blah blah blah, me and my boyfriend, blah blah blah blah" And that's all I heard, lol I said to her, "So, um....what would your boyfriend think if you went to have lunch with a man you just met at a bookstore?" And she said, "Well, there's nothing wrong with joining someone for lunch, right?" And I said, "well, you're involved with someone, if I was your boyfriend, I sure wouldn't want you spending time with some guy that picked you up at a bookstore." Needless to say, I planned on not seeing her again. But I wonder, I have been having success at getting women's numbers, and arranging dates....but I'm wondering if THEY think it's a date. I had a situaiton where a woman had to call me BACK after I asked her out and asked me: "Hey, I just wanted to ask you, did you want to go out as friends or as a date?" ANd I said, "Um...a date, of course" And she said, "Um.....yeah, sorry, but no." Ouch. Should one PHRASE their wording, "Hey, want to go out on a date with me?" or "Shall I take you out to dinner this Sat night?" Is it the way you phrase your words when asking out a woman. I usually use the words "get together". I think people don't use the word "date" in a sentence, because it scares off women, I had a male friend that got "dates" with women, without calling it a date, helps alleivate the pressure off the woman. Apparently, it started off as a friendship, then all of a sudden they were dating. I'd like more input from the women though on this one. I think it is a good idea to say "Would you like to go on a date with me and have coffee/go out to eat/go to a movie/whatever?" It should seem like going out with a man who is not previously a friend would automatically be a date, but apparently it's not to many women, so just to be on the safe side, it's best to put the word "date" in there.
somedude81 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 How many men actually use, "would you like to go on a date with me?"
mtber75 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I think some girls are overly friendly which can be interpreted as flirting? I'm currently going through this where I'm getting mixed messages from a girl who has a long term bf??? OP, She probably just wanted company for lunch since it was in a public, non-romantic place. Plus if she kept talking about her bf than yeah she probably just think of you as a friendly guy, nothing more. Yeah it hurts I KNOW!
fishtaco Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 How many men actually use, "would you like to go on a date with me?" I do. I make it crystal clear so women can't weasel out of it later and thought it was just a "friendly hang out".
Stung Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 How many men actually use, "would you like to go on a date with me?" I've had that asked of me a few times. The quote by the OP, where he casually talks about 'getting together for lunch,' does sound more like a friendly platonic thing, to my ear. I can see how it's ambiguous enough to be misconstrued.
Author irc333 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 But when it comes to dating these days, I'm noticing people don't like to use labels for some reason, not sure why. When I say "Labels' I mean "dating". I had a male friend that always did it this way. I think though, when you do get together for the get together, you start to flirt, etc. Anyway, I asked this woman about getting together at a certain restaurant, she said "that sounds great" and I asked for her # and she gave it to me. I called her 2 days ago, and she never returned my call, just left a breif message. Then I emailed her on FB the day after saying somethinga bout getting together for dinner at said restauarant this weekend. I was wondering if I used "Dinner", which is indidcative of the date hs made her not return my call....it's been 3 days....and of course she didn't return my FB message.....I saw she posted stuff on her wall, but she didn't return my email on FB? hmmmm I've had that asked of me a few times. The quote by the OP, where he casually talks about 'getting together for lunch,' does sound more like a friendly platonic thing, to my ear. I can see how it's ambiguous enough to be misconstrued.
Author irc333 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 I also just asked ANOTHER woman out, but I think she is such a social butterfly, that she gives out phone # and goes out and socializes so much, she says "yes" to anything.
mtber75 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 (edited) But when it comes to dating these days, I'm noticing people don't like to use labels for some reason, not sure why. When I say "Labels' I mean "dating". I had a male friend that always did it this way. I think though, when you do get together for the get together, you start to flirt, etc. Anyway, I asked this woman about getting together at a certain restaurant, she said "that sounds great" and I asked for her # and she gave it to me. I called her 2 days ago, and she never returned my call, just left a breif message. Then I emailed her on FB the day after saying somethinga bout getting together for dinner at said restauarant this weekend. I was wondering if I used "Dinner", which is indidcative of the date hs made her not return my call....it's been 3 days....and of course she didn't return my FB message.....I saw she posted stuff on her wall, but she didn't return my email on FB? hmmmm This is what I mean...Some women are just too friendly and say yes to everything so they don't feel bad? I had many incidents where I got the girl's contact info (phone, email and FB page) and when I contacted her, she never respond? Even when I made it clear that you want to go out on a date, they seem to give out their phone number just to maybe blow me off easier??? What do you women think? Edited February 25, 2011 by mtber75
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