Ex broke up with me, still care for her had some questions

[KingofAtlantis]

Excuse my name, I just like the word 'Atlantis'

 

 

Anyways here's my situation It has been nearly a month since we broke up. We have been dating for a year and a half. The reason we broke up was because we slowly drifted apart once I started getting super busy in life and she as well with university. We barely saw each other anymore and I was too exhausted and attention fried to keep an interesting conversation so it definitely pushed her away. Without a doubt I played a large role in our breakup because I put her through a lot of emotional stress and friend of hers eventually told me after the break up that she cried to him and everything and vented to him a lot about our problems, personally I just wanted to sock the guy for not telling me and just playing along with this... It was disappointing when i heard this to know that she went to someone else before me and actually never even told me this, we communicated great until the last couple months. I understand it takes two to tango and It isn't all my fault I mean her lack of communication near the end is just an example I've told her plenty of times I'm not a brick wall I'll listen to her ift somethings wrong and we'll only work out if you alk to me about whats up, but I know shes always had a hard time expressing her feelings. When she intitally broke up with me Jan.30th I was calm cool about it because it was out of the blue and I knew it wouldn't stick cause I knew our love was strong, we had break up sex but only after the third attempt she cried the other 2. It was actually pretty terrible and weird sex to be honest . anyways that night she called and told me she made a mistake and wanted to get back together, I knew it was coming so i was just like "yeah i know how about we go on a date tomorrow?". This was stupid of me I should have given it more time and thought about what exactly went wrong and why she felt like breaking, I didn't even bother to ask her wth happened. stupid stupid stupid. Anyways the next day the date sucked she didn't seem interested at all and I suck at skating so it was difficult. She told me she wanted a break that night and I went completely out of character and freaked like never before and ended up getting really depressed and she told me I made her decision a lot easier. I beg and pleaded tried to use logic (forgot girls don't work that way...) and she got annoyed it was evident even angry, I'm too much of a nice guy to ever get angry at someone I love just frustrated. **** me lol. She started seeing someone else shortly after we broke up the same week actually. She went into an official relationship 2 weeks later. Bye bye chest, It was like a wrecking ball hit me. I went into nc roughly 1 week after the break up and when i found out she was in a relationship I called her, not to confess jealously or anything but to get some things off my chest to explain my odd behavior, she ignored the first call but soon called back.

 

Months prior to our break up She came with me to an ultrasound on my neck. About 3 years ago I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, sucks but so be it thats life. I met her when I was undergoing extensive procedures to get rid of the cancer for good, she was there for me through thick and thin and I loved her for it. anyways around november of 2010 I told her everything was super duper and clear but in reality they found a weird spot in the spot where no thyroids was to even exist. She was stressed with school and work I didn't want to impede on this and further stress her with my health so I lied, stupid but I thought it was smart at the time. I went off my pills i need to take and went into a state called Hypothyroidism google it. Anyways after fearing my cancer was back and hitting hypothyroidism My personality and life took a complete 180 and I would say is a key factor into my distancing and strange behavior with her. Anyways I called her to let her know this about 1 week ago and such I couldn't keep myself together with the break up and my medical issues. She told me I could talk to her anytime and such and the "I mean it when i say you're the only ex i want to truly stay friends with". I told her I know but I doubt it will happen. I dislike the new guy shes dating a lot and know she can do a lot better but kept it to myself and stayed cool about it. I ended it by telling her im happy for her and wished her well in life and school.

 

 

I still want her back and assessed the value of our relationship and believe it truly is worth salvaging but shes told me "I don't see us getting back together" I've been in NC since and plan on keeping it like that from now on. I've gone on several dates and actually had sex with another female but it wasn't very pleasurable. I'm moving on bit by bit and I find myself thinking of her less everyday so I think that's a positive sign I'm improving.

 

Basically I'm wondering if this situation I'm in seems like a loss cause

and if you think this guys a rebound and she asked for a break so could it be she just wants to test new waters before she fully commits? and how can i tell if shes over me and wants nothing to do with me?

 

The reason I want this third chance is because I had the time to jot out what went wrong and such and I know we were great together until the past month that just sucked. Oh and I'm not changing for her and this relationship but for me to go back to who I once was and change for the better of my life and health.

 

I'm a great guy and I god darnit know it I was dominant in the beginning and treat women with the utmost respect because without them there would be no me. I just changed to something even i would repulse at this unattractive being that became quite clingy and needy actually. I'm being positive right now and she's left me with great life lessons and experiences I never would have gotten otherwise. I will always care for her because of the hard times shes endured and helped me through but I will put her behind me and move on eventually.

 

 

Sorry if its messy and I am willing to provide any info you still need.

Edited February 24, 2011 by KingofAtlantis

[Hlep]

Your story has some slight similarities to the break up I'm dealing with still after almost a year. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3248383#post3248383

 

I was in the same boat at the end of my relationship. I felt like she was a relatively poor communicator at times. Althought when I truly think about it without rose colored glasses on, I think she may have just been not that into me. As hard as it is to admit, she just wasn't the one. I got the whole I want to be friends offer at the end, but I just went strict NC for 9 months instead. I ignored quite a few "bread crumbs" she tossed me during the NC period. I think she was just trying to absolve her feelings of guilt. I believe people deserve atleast one second chance, but I never got that email or phone call saying she wanted me back. I finally reached out to her after nine months of strict NC, saying I forgive her and that I hope she's happy. She eventually send me a friendly response. I think it gave me some closure, and I think I may be starting to finally move on. It feels liberating. I'm slowly getting there.

 

I think going NC has truly show'd me that I was right about all the gut feelings I had about her from the beggining. I still have feelings for her though, like you do for yours. I still want her, but I've finally realize she's gone; and I appreciate the lessons I learned not only about relationships and women, but also the things I've learned about myself as well. Better to have loved and lost I guess. Hopefully I use the important lessons I've learned with the next special girl I meet. I'm starting to finally realize there are better fish in the sea. Hopefully I find one soon!

 

Just keep chugging along brother. You definitely have some true life experience, and if you've made it this far battling cancer-- you'll be able to make it through this hurdle too! I wish you the best. You'll find that special lady.