befreckled Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Two weeks ago, I purchased the air ticket to see the SO and bought it on my credit card. Financially, I am not in a great place. I've been trying to repay my credit card debt which is mainly consumer debt. That said, I have made an effort to cut down on spending. I no longer take cabs, I'm in the train or bus most of the time. I eat in or eat cheaply and not at restaurants. I no longer go out for drinks, dinner on the weekends. Realistically, I will be able to pay it off once I receive my bonus for last year's performance and it which will more than cover the amount so in that light, I could be further along in my repayment plans. I felt when I purchased the ticket that I needed to see him to bring what we have to the next stage. With him being in the industry he is in and how new he was to it, I am certain that if I let it up to him, I am certain that he would mull around for a couple months before it would even be broached in a topic. And regardless if it works out or not, it isn't something I would hold against him. I chose, I wanted to and therefore I am. Now there's a little issue of me thinking of furthering my studies, it is an investment in my future and to be VERY honest, the fact that it means we will be there together, makes me want to say YES! to a potential financial debt of $100K and an MBA (I'm not very interested in business at all, but I did go to business school and hence my hesitation) Which brings me to this - how far should one be willing to go for a relationship, especially one so new?
Yeahsussu Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Well, after spending 5 weeks together (but knowing each other for over a year) I travelled halfway around the world to see and live with my SO for a year. It was awesome, and we had a fantastic year together. However the ending is a long story which I´m not gonna bring up here. I guess it´s just up to you. Sometimes you gotta take a chance. I´d rather live knowing that I did everything I could instead of wondering around thinking "what if..".
Els Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Now there's a little issue of me thinking of furthering my studies, it is an investment in my future and to be VERY honest, the fact that it means we will be there together, makes me want to say YES! to a potential financial debt of $100K and an MBA (I'm not very interested in business at all, but I did go to business school and hence my hesitation) You really, REALLY should not be choosing your course based on a new relationship (how new is it?). I would venture to say 'not at all', but some people who have already invested years of their life in each other might find it worthwhile to choose based on that, at least a little. Doing so for a new relationship is just digging a huge hole for yourself, though. Air tickets are okay.
Author befreckled Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 You really, REALLY should not be choosing your course based on a new relationship (how new is it?). I would venture to say 'not at all', but some people who have already invested years of their life in each other might find it worthwhile to choose based on that, at least a little. Doing so for a new relationship is just digging a huge hole for yourself, though. Air tickets are okay. very very new - 2 months. I had plans to continue studying but going where he is means that school averages around 100K. That's a lot to be committed to especially given that it isn't crucial in my industry. In part, it is me being impatient. I want to know if this will work out and it's abit tough making a relationship work when we aren't even in the same place.
Els Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 How much time have you guys even spent together IRL? If you are insistent on doing this he should at least split the extra cost with you. If he isn't willing, that's your answer right there. Note: Just because he isn't willing doesn't mean he's a jackass, or that he doesn't care, etc. It just shows that he isn't committed enough yet (and really, that would be understandable, it's only been 2 months!), and that you REALLY shouldn't be doing this in that case.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 can't you choose something different? something that you like? i normally base my decisions on which option would yield maximum happiness. when i sacrifice something for a partner, that's because i am willing to do it and i know i won't resent him even if things don't work out.
lonely79 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I dont know that moving and going to school for an MBA that you dont really need OR want (the program i mean) is a good idea....but i know exactly how you feel, cuz id do the same if i had the chance, to try to be with my SO. we've only been dating a short time as well (about 3.5 months, although we knew each other for about 3 years before that - worked together), but I feel so strongly about him and it feels like we dont really get a great chance at things with the distance involved - i feel like if we were not LD, we'd be so much more solid because we're sooooo happy together and compatible, but the distance is SO HARD. I say...if you can, find a different program that you can use and you WANT to do, that way if it doesnt work out, at least you know youll still be happy and won't regret it. I say go for it though. if your relationship feels as good as mine does.....what a shame it would be not to at least try. good luck!
Author befreckled Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 How much time have you guys even spent together IRL? If you are insistent on doing this he should at least split the extra cost with you. If he isn't willing, that's your answer right there. Note: Just because he isn't willing doesn't mean he's a jackass, or that he doesn't care, etc. It just shows that he isn't committed enough yet (and really, that would be understandable, it's only been 2 months!), and that you REALLY shouldn't be doing this in that case. We have known each other since we were in our early twenties. We are both 32. He was an acquaintance and a friend of a friend from college so I met him on a variety of occasions prior but we never really were friends until the middle of last year when he was in my city for work and we met up for coffee which turned into dinner. We have talked about me further my studies but he hasn't been consulted in regards in being one of the motivations to move. Does that make sense? We have always talked about it in a general "Should I study because, ...[variety of reasons]?" can't you choose something different? something that you like?.... . I can but it wouldn't be where he is. For the rest of the programmes, for the amount that I'm going to be debt for, it doesn't make sense to do something else. ..... it feels like we dont really get a great chance at things with the distance involved - i feel like if we were not LD, we'd be so much more solid because we're sooooo happy together and compatible, but the distance is SO HARD. It is exactly how I feel save for the distance being difficult. When we are together, we have very good chemistry as a couple. We communicate in similar ways, when I'm overwhelmed and need my own space - I move away and immediately he knows and he backs off to do his own thing. The distance isn't difficult per se at the moment. I would love to be with him in the same place to work on the relationship but I work pretty crazy hours and it's not possible to concentrate equally on a relationship and my job at the same time.
Els Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 We have known each other since we were in our early twenties. We are both 32. He was an acquaintance and a friend of a friend from college so I met him on a variety of occasions prior but we never really were friends until the middle of last year when he was in my city for work and we met up for coffee which turned into dinner. We have talked about me further my studies but he hasn't been consulted in regards in being one of the motivations to move. Does that make sense? We have always talked about it in a general "Should I study because, ...[variety of reasons]?" Okay. I now think this is a very, very, very bad idea. So you have experienced each other as lovers IRL for like, a week? Less? For the love of God, don't make a huge decision like that until you have met IRL (as bf/gf, NOT as friends, it is NOT the same) a few more times! And at the very least, you must absolutely talk to him about the fact that you are going because you want to be with him. It may sound awkward, but it is absolutely necessary to communicate. Then at least you know if he is on the same page, where he feels in regards to commitment etc.
Author befreckled Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Okay. I now think this is a very, very, very bad idea. So you have experienced each other as lovers IRL for like, a week? Less? For the love of God, don't make a huge decision like that until you have met IRL (as bf/gf, NOT as friends, it is NOT the same) a few more times! And at the very least, you must absolutely talk to him about the fact that you are going because you want to be with him. It may sound awkward, but it is absolutely necessary to communicate. Then at least you know if he is on the same page, where he feels in regards to commitment etc. Oh sorry, I thought I left that information in. We are definitely in a relationship, we have spent about a month together as a couple. I am not planning to do it tomorrow. It is a consideration for the future (one year down the road) but I definitely agree with you that I need to communicate about this. i just don't feel its the time yet. but definitely I will do it.
Els Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Ohh.. if it's one year down the road, unless you need to make a decision NOW for that to happen, I would advise you to just let it go first and develop a little as a couple, talk to each other gradually about it to get a general feel of what each other thinks, etc. Plenty of things can change within a year, no point hashing out the fine details rightaway.
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