Why do women make a big out of nothing?

[Ay Diesel T]

*Big deal out of nothing..

 

Saw a couple posts on here which led to me asking myself.

 

You know what I'm talking about, the classic:

 

"Do you love me?" "yeah.." "You don't say it"..."what?"

 

Or

 

"How come you don't tell me sweet things?" "you know I think you're lovely" "Yeah but you don't say it"

 

Like....what?

 

Why do women find small reasons to be unhappy, then make a fuss over it? Your boyfriend forgot to get you a card for your birthday, you know he loves you, but some reason, you're mad? Or, your boyfriend isn't thoughtful enough with his gifts?

 

Why do women stress over small **** like this? All that matters to me, a guy, is that my woman loves me and isn't giving up that ass to anybody else. Besides that, I'm golden.

 

It's like that Kat Williams skit where he said that women will have a guy who's 98% of what she's looking for in a man, but she'll still find a reason to be unhappy over that 2%...?

 

What gives? This is definitely blowing my mind cause it makes zero sense to me.

 

What's good with women wanting their boyfriends to compromise who they are so the GF can be happy? Why can't women be secure enough in their relationship if they know they're boyfriend loves them, and isn't cheating? Why does he have to constantly show/say it?

 

I know women like nice little thoughtful things, but why? What the **** is the big deal with it? Is it the estrogen?

 

I'm romantic and thoughtful when I want to be, but women want that **** 24/7. What.the.****?

 

I'm too much a damn guy to even begin to understand. All I know is that women like it, and need it, and if you don't give it to them, they're gonna be a bitch.

Edited February 24, 2011 by Ay Diesel T

[USMCHokie]

Insecurity.

[SmileFace]

I think everyone,male and female, portray these traits. I just think women are more flamboyant.

 

As I get older , I found myself itching over little things that usually wouldn't bother me. However, that only happens 5 days a week every month. I really don't know what it is.

[january2011]

There are also male posters who regularly seek approval about their physique and looks in seemingly innocuous (to them) yet blatantly obvious (to me/us) ways.

 

So, I say, we're about even.

 

The ignore function on this site comes in pretty handy. And reading thread titles also helps to decipher if that thread will be of interest to you.

 

If I don't like someone's posts, I put them on ignore and if I don't think a thread is going to interest me, I don't click on it.

 

Insecurity.

 

Hole in one.

Edited February 24, 2011 by january2011

[Stung]

Insecurity.

 

 

 

Hole in one.

 

I think it can be insecurity for some, ie. fishing for compliments, but it would be a mistake to think that's always the case. I see these as largely 'Love Languages' issues, and the difference between knowing and feeling. Someone whose primary love language is Words might know in their head that their SO loves them, but if that SO refuses to say it, to talk about it, to praise their lover, the relationship might start to feel hollow. It's not right or wrong, it's not confidence vs. insecurity, it's just differences in perception/communication and emotional needs.

[USMCHokie]

I think it can be insecurity for some, ie. fishing for compliments, but it would be a mistake to think that's always the case. I see these as largely 'Love Languages' issues, and the difference between knowing and feeling. Someone whose primary love language is Words might know in their head that their SO loves them, but if that SO refuses to say it, to talk about it, to praise their lover, the relationship might start to feel hollow. It's not right or wrong, it's not confidence vs. insecurity, it's just differences in perception/communication and emotional needs.

 

Upon further thought, I'd have to agree with this. I must admit that "insecurity" is just a buzz word, much like 'confidence' and 'nice', that people (myself included lately...) have a tendency to throw around as a catch-all for certain behaviors. It's just convenient. Just blame it on insecurity because it's easy and requires no further thought.

[ccleland]

Alot of the time it has nothing to do with the guy, or the romantic relationship.

Many women have very low self-esteem, I doubt that if your gf is a confident person that she will be doing or saying these things. Women think there are so many things wrong with them that no man could ever be satisfied with them. We always question it -When is he going to leave me? And every little sign, such as forgetting a card on her birthday will make her think that. It's really not your fault and it's nothing to take personally, it's the way women are.

I hope that helps!

[january2011]

There are also male posters who regularly seek approval about their physique and looks in seemingly innocuous (to them) yet blatantly obvious (to me/us) ways.

 

So, I say, we're about even.

 

The ignore function on this site comes in pretty handy. And reading thread titles also helps to decipher if that thread will be of interest to you.

 

If I don't like someone's posts, I put them on ignore and if I don't think a thread is going to interest me, I don't click on it.

 

I apologise. This was very passive-aggressive of me. I'm feeling rather out-of-sorts and irritable at the moment.

 

I agree with Stung.

[ccleland]

And, if she can express that to you passively (like freaking out) then she feels some sort of comfortability with you because she can express it around you, however she feels you may not understand all the things she is struggling with (she thinks shes too fat or something) BUT it's good that she is comfortable around you, she just does not know how you will react or if you will be comfortable talking with her about her personal issues. I highly doubt that she has done this since she met you, because she was NOT comfrtable around you when she first met you and would not want to scare you off with "why dont you love me" etc. This happens as she becomes more comfortable with you.

[Ay Diesel T]

Lol or when they say things like "My elbows are fat"..lmao......WHAT?!

[threebyfate]

Imagine a woman who's deathly silent and limp, while you're having sex with her. Why does it matter if she expresses her pleasure to you? You know she's enjoying it, right?

[Ay Diesel T]

Imagine a woman who's deathly silent and limp, while you're having sex with her. Why does it matter if she expresses her pleasure to you? You know she's enjoying it, right?

 

 

That's a pretty terrible analogy.

[threebyfate]

That's a pretty terrible analogy.

Why? Because it's something that matters to you just like some women like to hear that you care about them or that you find them attractive?

[Ay Diesel T]

Why? Because it's something that matters to you just like some women like to hear that you care about them or that you find them attractive?

 

 

Um? No? Because it's a sucky analogy.

[threebyfate]

Um? No? Because it's a sucky analogy.

So anything that doesn't agree with your perspective is sucky. Right. 'Nuff said. Thanks for the waste of my time. Not sure why I bothered posting in your thread since the only opinion that matters is yours.

[LittleTiger]

Imagine a woman who's deathly silent and limp, while you're having sex with her. Why does it matter if she expresses her pleasure to you? You know she's enjoying it, right?

 

BRILLIANT analogy TBF!

[SingVoice]

Imagine a woman who's deathly silent and limp, while you're having sex with her. Why does it matter if she expresses her pleasure to you? You know she's enjoying it, right?

 

Absolutely genius.

[VertexSquared]

Ay Diesel T: That analogy was meant to bring light to the fact that there are things we all prioritize and find important. You'd be upset if a girl didn't do something you felt was important, much like a girl is going to be upset if you don't do something they find important.

 

The problem is that you aren't empathizing with the views of others. Instead of seeing their concerns as something to consider seriously, you're being very dismissive -- as if their opinions don't matter because they're flipping out "over nothing."

 

It may very well be "nothing" to you, but it's not "nothing" to them.

 

If a woman is asking for confirmation, consider whether or not you're REALLY letting her know you care in the way that she wants. Again, we all view things differently. The things I do for someone to let them know I care may differ slightly from their view of what is indicative of "someone caring." For many girls, this may be as simple as remembering to give them a card on special occasions (it shows you put the thought and effort into a relatively simple and loving gesture).

 

If you're finding that the women you're dating are CONSTANTLY asking for confirmation, then it's possible that you're just dating insecure women. But given the way you're presenting yourself and how you're responding in this thread, I think it's more likely that you're dismissing legitimate concerns that aren't necessarily wrought forth out of insecurity.

[carhill]

Imagine a woman who's deathly silent and limp, while you're having sex with her. Why does it matter if she expresses her pleasure to you? You know she's enjoying it, right?

Hey, I was married to that

 

OP, do what you do. The right woman for you will appreciate that and you will accept the emotional content of her b!tching about the 2% as not being an insult to you personally and focus on the meat of it. Or leave. You always have a choice and you'll never control hers. Don't waste your time on 'why'. Trust me, it ain't worth the pain.

[Star_Bright]

Why do women make a big deal out of nothing?

 

... because it's not nothing to us. It's something to us. It's important to us. And if you don't want to understand that, you never will.

[Star_Bright]

The problem is that you aren't empathizing with the views of others. Instead of seeing their concerns as something to consider seriously, you're being very dismissive -- as if their opinions don't matter because they're flipping out "over nothing."

 

It may very well be "nothing" to you, but it's not "nothing" to them.

 

 

This is exactly what I was trying to say and I totally agree with it.

 

Each person in the relationship is different. If something is important to my partner or bothering him etc. and it wouldn't be a big deal to me, I still listen to him, try to understand, and to make him happy. And I expect him to do the same for me. It's just how a relationship works. I'm not sure why it's so hard to understand?

[Mme. Chaucer]

From the OP's posting history (including that under his former persona of "Dream Merchant"), I imagine that he is a man who would be very aware and unhappy if he were not on the receiving end of MANY demonstrations of admiration. He certainly is aware, and expressive here, about how much all women admire him.

 

ADT just generally dismisses women except as useful sperm receptacles, so I suppose it's to be expected that women's desires for admiration, romance and praise would be nothing but a nuisance to him.

 

As human beings, when we care about one another and have an understanding of each other, it is a loving gesture to give the "strokes" that our loved one finds valuable and meaningful.

 

I believe that women are in general better at doing this than men are. This might be a result of how we are socialized, or something more; I do not know.

 

I have a boyfriend whom I love. He thrives on praise and acknowledgement of his jobs well done. He loves it when I flatter him. He just beams! He does not even realize how much he loves it (or even how much I do it), but if it were to stop he would soon start to feel bummed out. His ego is quite sensitive to both positive and negative reinforcement.

 

On the other hand, he is not so forthcoming with the same kind of stuff towards me. I know for a fact that he, like the OP, really tends to believe that the fact that he is with me sends plenty of messages about all of my fine qualities to me. (I'm confident that this is the ONLY trait he shares with the OP besides being a male.) I am quite accepting of this, but once in a while I have to point out to him that when I get all dolled up to go out with him, a compliment would be much appreciated. And that I DO hope that he will show his appreciation of me by putting some special thought and planning into how we will spend my birthday. Stuff like that.

 

This is probably what the OP would label "making a big deal out of nothing." In our case, it is helpful to our relationship. I like it - and he needs reminding.

[Disillusioned]

Guys, it's because the female brain is wired to pick formality over convenience any time. Why do you think top hats, monocles, and tuxedos were invented? To a woman's eyes, that's hardcore porn!

[Seamless74]

Imagine a woman who's deathly silent and limp, while you're having sex with her. Why does it matter if she expresses her pleasure to you? You know she's enjoying it, right?

 

1.) That is a terrible analogy...

 

 

 

OP, do what you do. The right woman for you will appreciate that and you will accept the emotional content of her b!tching about the 2% as not being an insult to you personally and focus on the meat of it. Or leave. You always have a choice and you'll never control hers. Don't waste your time on 'why'. Trust me, it ain't worth the pain.

 

 

 

^^^absolutely true...

 

 

ITs simply Cost of Doing Business Bro... and to try to figure out why is well... if you did youd be the first. But Carhills right to the girl that you love and appreciate those type of antics should be at the best cute and at the worst somewhat tolerable... if you find yourself wanting to strangle her its probably the wrong girl for you..

 

The same **** women do in relationships that get on your nerves come from the same sort of vein of the things your momma does that you love.. its just femininity bro..

[Ay Diesel T]

If it's nothing to me, it's nothing to me. That's just how it goes. If it's a woman I care about, I'll try to work with her, but if it's honestly something small and insignificant, like not saying "I love you" enough, or not telling her she's beautiful enough, I'm definitely just going to shrug it off. That's really nothing to me.

 

As for that terrible analogy, it's a terrible analogy, that's why I dismissed it.