turokturok5 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 its been 3 weeks since she dumped me and ive kind of been no contact with her for 2, i deleted her from facebook, deleted her number and got rid of things which she gave me. This past week though i've seen her quite a bit due to uni orientation, shes talked to me, but nothing that suggests she wants to reconcile, i didnt really try to keep the conversation going, just kind of agreed with whatever she was saying and laughed. I dont really want to see her in person anymore, but its difficult due to being in a group which always catches up together and shes part of it. So should i just continue what im doing in the group - when she talks to me, just kind of brush her off. And if she actuallys starts asking me questions one on one just say something along the lines of > im sorry but i have to decline your offer of friendship, when you broke up with me that was the best thing to do for you and as a consequence i was hurt, but this is the best thing to do for me and im sorry if it hurts you, but if you want to try again sometime you know how to contact me. Someone suggested i just suddenly do this in a text, but it may be a bit weird and she could tell our friends and they might think im crazy or something, opinions?
mandym Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I hate that for you, that you have to see her often. But my suggestion would be don't send that in a text! Especially if she hasn't tried that hard to talk and whatnot to you. BUT if she does continue, I would say exactly what you thought of. But seriously, don't put that in a text because then she could make people think you're crazy, ha which doesn't seem to be the case! =)
0hpenelope Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Don't send that to her in a text. Tell her face to face; it's too important for you to send in a text. Also? im sorry but i have to decline your offer of friendship, when you broke up with me that was the best thing to do for you and as a consequence i was hurt, but this is the best thing to do for me. and im sorry if it hurts you, but if you want to try again sometime you know how to contact me. Do not ever apologize for looking out for your own best interests to the person who left you. Sometimes I think the dumpees who announced "If you change your mind about us, call me. Otherwise, I don't want to talk to you," are so nice for extending that courtesy of explaining their boundaries. I did the same thing to my ex when in retrospect, I would have preferred to just initiate No Contact w/o announcements.
Author turokturok5 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 I hate that for you, that you have to see her often. But my suggestion would be don't send that in a text! Especially if she hasn't tried that hard to talk and whatnot to you. BUT if she does continue, I would say exactly what you thought of. But seriously, don't put that in a text because then she could make people think you're crazy, ha which doesn't seem to be the case! =) hahaha thank you yeah im just going to dissapear for a bit, our group should understand
Author turokturok5 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 Don't send that to her in a text. Tell her face to face; it's too important for you to send in a text. Also? Do not ever apologize for looking out for your own best interests to the person who left you. Sometimes I think the dumpees who announced "If you change your mind about us, call me. Otherwise, I don't want to talk to you," are so nice for extending that courtesy of explaining their boundaries. I did the same thing to my ex when in retrospect, I would have preferred to just initiate No Contact w/o announcements. yeah i DO want to tell her face to face, its just going to be hard to do this. I dont want to ask to talk to her, will kind of reinforce why she dumped me. Its a bit dodgey to say it now though isnt it, its been 3 weeks since we split, should i just vanish?
0hpenelope Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 (edited) yeah i DO want to tell her face to face, its just going to be hard to do this. I dont want to ask to talk to her, will kind of reinforce why she dumped me. Its a bit dodgey to say it now though isnt it, its been 3 weeks since we split, should i just vanish? You know, it bugs the heck out of me when I see dumpers yanking dumpees around like they do with the whole "I'll talk to him when he sees me," "I'll say hi to her through text." It's exactly what she's doing to you. She broke up with you. Hold her responsible for her decision. Vanish. She may wonder about you in your absence or she may not.. Whatever, who cares what she thinks? You already have the answer to what she's thinking and she reveals it to you in her actions: for whatever reason, she doesn't want to be with you right now or in the immediate future. All of her conversations with you? An act. To show she's okay without you. Doesn't matter what's going on in that not-so-pretty head of hers. Showing you that she's okay without you takes more priority for her because she's doing it. Act around her, too. Show her you're okay through actions. Just disappear. She did what she had to do and now, you have to do your thing and heal. It's YOUR time! How nice would it feel to be rid of the stress of wondering about the ex who gave up on you... don't you think? Edited February 24, 2011 by 0hpenelope
makelemonade1974 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I love the title of this thread - no contact (sort of). That's where I'm at too - I go like a month no contact and then I break down and send an email or two and a couple of texts and then I'm back to square one. Dealing with their presence at work or school is tough. I wouldn't feel the need to explain yourself if she's the one who dumped you. Vanishing, especially in the early stages, can be empowering. They don't want you around, okay you are GONE. Is there a way to find out her schedule so you can avoid her? Or just avoid common areas on campus for a while - go upstairs in the library and tuck yourself away in a corner to study. Go to class and then go home. Don't loiter in places you might see her. And if you do see her - make a quick exit, and make sure you look really good all the time when you have a chance of running into her. I know you're a dude, but that always makes me feel better at least. Good luck sweetie. It's tough when they are still "around" all the time. It's like the scab gets perpetually picked.
Author turokturok5 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 thanks a lot guys just one more thing though, in order to "vanish" im going to have to start declining the group things for a bit. My mates will be okay with it as ill still see them through sport and guys nights. But my ex's friends are pretty close with me, i cant tell them the reason im not coming to see them is because "she" will be there, as they'll most likely tell her, so what do you think i should say to them, i just got asked a little while ago about going to a gathering...its that or a uni party, guess what i picked? how do i explain haha
makelemonade1974 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 blah - I would drop the mutual friends for a while. At least until you feel like you can handle it. The ones who are really worth keeping will understand your need for space. You might just tell them "I'm not going cuz I don't want to run into her" if you have to tell them anything. Mutual friends complicate things - you are tempted to press them for info or they tell you things you don't want (or need) to hear. Plus, they will tell her stuff about what you are doing. Lay low for a while and hang out with your guy friends. That's what I'd do anyway. And if you're looking to reconcile - not that I would suggest it, but most people at your stage are (as the dumpee) - "disappearing" is your best move. She will wonder about you and miss you. And also, if she left you, she doesn't deserve to know sh*te about your life.
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