Mixed28 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 All of you know I was dumped for being clingy (my first relationship) and of course i learned something from it. But my question to you guys is have you built a wall around your heart after getting dumped? This was my first relationship so I got really attached and my heart was out in the open and she left and shattered it. Now I built a wall around it. This is not to say I wont date this just means I wont get too attached and i will definately not being clingy next time. I have learned that I can only rely on myself for my own happiness. I will commit but to a point next time. I mean really we can only rely on ourselves. Take the user Fetish for example he just got out of an 8 year relationship thats a good chunk of my life im 19! Mine was a measly 2 months and it rocked my world hell I lost 10 pounds. I feel we as people have to be self centered in relationships (to a degree). After 8 years you would think you would be with that person for the rest of your life nope not a guarantee. I couldn't even imagine getting dumped by someone I love after 4 years let alone 8. So yeah what are your thoughts?
EmperorR Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I've had my heart smashed 3 times in the past 3 years, and after every time I my heart gets more colder. With experience you learn, I'll never open myself up fully like I did in my first relationship.
Woggle Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I have and I am in the process of tearing it down because I finally found a woman that truly deserves it. It is easier said than done though.
Tofu Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Think Im learning from the same mistake as you mixed, my ex was also my 1st serious relationship as well and i too threw my entire heart and soul for her and she did too until her friends changed her attitude towards me and then she left for another guy which pretty much was like the most painful thing ive had to endure since having a cricket ball smacked into my rocket in highschool, but back to the point! I think its important to never go full on in a relationship until you truely think the one you are with is really the one, but we cant read the future so rather than take the risk i too think you should only committ to a point where you think you can handle it ok if a breakup were to happen. At least were more cautious now and see the harsher sides of being in a relationship, all experience mate and its just gonna help us improve in our future relationships~
Author Mixed28 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 Yeah it will be hard to pull my walls down. I NEVER want to feel that way again. If you told me 1 year ago that some girl would break my heart and make me a complete wreck for a month I would have laughed at you. But now I know the power of love and loss and I would be more careful with my heart next time.
Woggle Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 You are 19 years old. Just take some time to play around and be wild then when you meet somebody worthwhile you can commit again. Don't let this ruin your youth which you only get once.
Author Mixed28 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 Think Im learning from the same mistake as you mixed, my ex was also my 1st serious relationship as well and i too threw my entire heart and soul for her and she did too until her friends changed her attitude towards me and then she left for another guy which pretty much was like the most painful thing ive had to endure since having a cricket ball smacked into my rocket in highschool, but back to the point! I think its important to never go full on in a relationship until you truely think the one you are with is really the one, but we cant read the future so rather than take the risk i too think you should only committ to a point where you think you can handle it ok if a breakup were to happen. At least were more cautious now and see the harsher sides of being in a relationship, all experience mate and its just gonna help us improve in our future relationships~ Totally agree. My ex has a new bf 2 months after our breakup it sucks. You and I did not know opeing ourselves up like that is basically playing with fire. How could we it was our first time we didn't know anything we underestimated love and paid dearly for it. But we are more knowledgable now and stronger.
D78 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Mixed28 I'm in the minority here when I say I don't think you should build a wall around your heart. It's easy to say "I'm not gonna get hurt again" and keep someone at a distance. It's also a waste of time, and unfair to the person kept at a distance. Perhaps a better approach would be making her do more to earn your love? You'll be better off not deciding how this will change your life until you've started thinking a bit more clearly. No offense, but you've only had 5 days, right? That's not much time to get over a girl you were obviously very interested in. I hope for your sake that you choose to open your heart even more next time. This experience will make you stronger, and you'll have more to offer. If you keep your heart behind a wall, your ex wins. Forever. Was she really great enough to give up love for the rest of your life? In the end, you'll regret the things you didn't do (at least that's what more knowledgeable folks say). Good luck.
Author Mixed28 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 Mixed28 I'm in the minority here when I say I don't think you should build a wall around your heart. It's easy to say "I'm not gonna get hurt again" and keep someone at a distance. It's also a waste of time, and unfair to the person kept at a distance. Perhaps a better approach would be making her do more to earn your love? You'll be better off not deciding how this will change your life until you've started thinking a bit more clearly. No offense, but you've only had 5 days, right? That's not much time to get over a girl you were obviously very interested in. I hope for your sake that you choose to open your heart even more next time. This experience will make you stronger, and you'll have more to offer. If you keep your heart behind a wall, your ex wins. Forever. Was she really great enough to give up love for the rest of your life? In the end, you'll regret the things you didn't do (at least that's what more knowledgeable folks say). Good luck. I got dumped 3 months ago lol back in November not 5 days ago. I have not contacted her sense the day of the breakup except for when i texted her good luck at her basket ball game that was 2 weeks after the breakup. but sense then no contact although we say hi when we pass each other or she waves to me. I see your point I will definately make next girl earn my heart and of course dump the clingy crap (I was physically clingy). But man oh man that was a dreadful feeling never thought I would feel that bad over someone I am not related to.
Whatshername Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I was cheated on, and yet it was rather a mutual breakup. He wanted to be together without apologizing, I could not accept that. I have no walls. I do need to learn to set boundaries, and I don't think this hurt/heartache will keep me from loving fully. I think, in time, when I heal, it will help me to fully appreciate a real working relationship and the unconditional love that I hope to find.
D78 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I got dumped 3 months ago lol back in November not 5 days ago.... Sorry Mixed28 - too much work today, too little sleep My bad.
Author Mixed28 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 Sorry Mixed28 - too much work today, too little sleep My bad. Its fine I think you mixed me up with BM91 he got dumped 5 days ago.
johan Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I have a wall around my heart, my body, and my entire life. No woman can get in. My mind automatically paints over the fantasies of romantic walks and emotional and physical intimacy with the images and feelings of what those things have always lead to: drifting apart, feeling lost, confused and full of bitter disappointment, months of lost appetite, feeling no enthusiasm for anything in the world, and wanting to sleep as much as possible. Over the years I bet on some bad horses. Now I'm pretty broke.
imyuinny Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Did that before and it ended up hurting people around me without me knowing it. In parts, I do regret surrounding myself with walls for no reason because in the end it didn't serve any purpose but hurt myself further from experiencing greater love and greater experiences. If this makes any sense? Please try not to, even though it is tempting... I was practically 'gob-smacked' in the face when I let my walls came down because I realized that I let my fear and trust issues got the better of me. I too went through 'my first love' and thats when the walls came up because I was too goddamn hurt. For years I carried it and in the end... it caught up to me again and I'm glad that I found out that I didn't need to do it anymore. Living without fear and opening yourself to others is a life way more sweeter than I could ever dreamed. Even though, the chances of me getting hurt again is high but hey... we live life once and life is a journey.
depplover_1980 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 It is quite possible to proceed through life without putting up walls, or proceeding towards being bitter - the worst way to be in my opinion. Learn from your mistakes and proceed with caution, yes, but don't be foolish enough to close yourself off from wonderous possibilities. A lot of users posting on this section are still in the throws of pain, but this pain does subside. When that process happens you find yourself being attracted to the opposite sex again, which in time will lead to someone special. If you are asking the question about 'walls' etc then the chances are you are simply not ready yet, that's all.
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