Miss_G Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 So its been 6 months since ex and I split. We've been off and on through this time but ex decidws a few weeks back that he was definitely OFF. Then a week later said he didn't know. Then he got sexy-flirty, led me on and then last week stuck with 'OFF'. My head is a complete mess and I've come to the realisation he isn't coming back. To think of life without him is unbearable!! To top it off I have a volatile relationship with my brother, who I'm living with at my mums. My mum takes his side cos, since our dad died 10 years ago, he's had anger problems and she feels sorry for him. I was 13 at the time and, too young to have a real reaction, was left to fend for myself. However, it is affecting me now and I seem to be dipping into depression. I sometimes, very briefly, think of just ending it all. After a huge argument last night, brother physically hurt me before telling me that he was going to make sure my son was taken off me as I'm unfit and I'm not in a good mental state. This is ridiculous. I may be a bit sad but my son is happy and well looked after. I am just lonely and a bit lost, not crazy!! I overheard him and mum discussing how they would get custody of him taken from me. I spoke to sis and she believes its all 'heat of the moment'. But today I've just felt completely broken. I feel unloved and unwanted. I worry that bro and mum will be able to make situations seems worse, 2 against 1. My nights out with friends will be turned into me being a party animal. The odd glass of wine after work making me an alcoholic. If my son is taken from me I will just die. I have nowhere to live other than tread on eggshells around my mums, I am facing life without the love of it and I'm just so down I want to cry non-stop Ex again today said AT THIS MOMENT he doesn't want a relationship with anyone and is hurting. We are going out together so he can see baby whilst a custody visitation is sorted with his parents. They are not allowed to see him as it stands, long story!! I'm just so alone. I thought my mum was on my side and there for me and she drops me when its easier for her and the man I thought loved me so badly just ditches me. I don't know where to turn or who to trust anymore
restart Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Hey girl! Keep it together. Think of the positive things you have, you have and love your son. And keep that strong. How about living out on your own? I know may not be financially possible, but is there any chance of it, not sure if you're working or not? It would give you a BIG break from the awful home scene you appear to be having, it would preoccupy you with supporting yourself and/or moving on from your ex. It would strengthen you. Or, do you have another friend/acquaintance that you could confide in, perhaps help you out for awhile, thats what friends are for. The ex appears to be just using you per his whims, and you need to start breathing again on your own, even if you do get back together, just keep it together and focus on your love and keeping yourself healthy in all ways. The alcohol thing is ok for socializing, but dont make it a crutch, since it is a depressant (that is a fact, don't think I'm lecturing or something...) and you don't need that now. That's all I can offer at this point, but remember, you're young and therefore be youthfully strong, your son needs you that way. I would definitely make some kind of move to get away from your home scene, thats my best advice.
Author Miss_G Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Well, fortunately, things have calmed down with my family. We all had a good chat and most of the air has been cleared. Brother and I still hate one another and have not made it up but I can cope without him in my life. My mum and I are fine now which has really perked me up as I am now feeling more confident and strong. Even better is that I had sorted things with exes parents. His dad contacted me yesterday and apologised for his behaviour. I apologised for wrong doing I have done also and we, again, cleared the air and my son is now going to visit them today after a month of not seeing them. I feel really good about this, even though it doesn't really make any difference to relationship with ex. I have felt though that one of the reasons for ex not wanting to get back is that he resents me somewhat for stopping his parents seeing the baby. And when I did make contact with exes dad I think he genuinely thought I would be awkward but I was not. Infact, I was very accepting of the part I have played in the split. Ex, as far as I know, is maintaining he doesn't want a relationship. Or a relationship "at this moment" as he keeps saying. However, last night he text to arrange picking up the baby and then began sending me big long texts discussing things that had happened in work. We ended up texting for an hour, me giving my opinion of some of the events he was on about. It was similar to what we did when together. I'm not sure if he will, infact I think he won't, but he mentioned going out on Sunday with the baby. However, now that I am no longer acquired to be there I am thinking of starting NC with him. Not ruthlessly. Just to say to him that now things are sorted with his parents and things have not changed emotionally then I will just get on with moving on and cut most/if not all contact. Do you think that all these outings and texting will cause ex to miss me if I was to take it away? My brother seems to think that 6 months is too long to get back together. However, in this time we have been on dates, gotten (sort of) back together and been intimate. It is only since Christmas he said he was done and even then we have been out with the baby two or three times a week all day. He has never had a proper split. Does that play a part? Is there still hope that he may come back if he felt he had properly lost me?
Author Miss_G Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 Feeling very sad! Ex just dropped baby off and was very upbeat in asking what the plan was for taking baby out together tomorrow. I said that we didn't need to do that anymore as his family are now seeing baby. I asked him if he still wanted to go out together and he said that he thoughht it was good for baby. I said that it wasn't good for me and if there was no development in me and him then I needed to cut him out completely so I could get over him and move on. He went sad and quiet and just asked me to let him know what I wanted to do. I said I would. And he left. I'm just feeling so upset. I do get some relief from spending time with him and can't shake the feeling that he will come back to me. But I just feel rubbish! I want him back so badly and can't bear to be away from him.
restart Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Just a couple things, since I've already posted earlier (nice for some others perhaps to chip in...!). Glad to hear about the familial (temporary) reconciliation. It sounds like (and just based on what I've read only...) that there are unsure things regarding the splitup...you never mentioned what they were (don't recall real details, just emphasized issues, like..definite not seeing future eye-to-eye? or real financial/social issues, or other woman? or other man...etc). As a result, I would very carefully re-examine all that in yourself, and what obviously is major and what is minor. I wouldnt put too much emphasis on the "around Christmas" decision by your ex. Its an emotional time of year, time and again, I see people (even ones I know, likely myself), sometimes saying/doing things in December, as if the new year isnt going to happen?!....and then Jan/Feb...oh well, life goes on! So, if you're serious on the NC (you have to know yourself, especially his body language...obviously he'd be growing more and more possessive of his son if you both went out etc), and appears that you want to strengthen, then spelt it out for yourself, ie ok, you're gonna go NC...then what?...sit at home with your mum...ok...then what? I guess I just don't like the grandparents have TOO much early pull on children, especially since you're vulnerable now and for how long? On the otherhand, maybe you should weigh (scrutinizingly) your ex's intentions, maybe by going out with him (without your son...), and delving more into where his head is at. Sounds like he's flipping around though, and if after a couple meets, that is still your conclusion, then its really time to put your guard up! Perhaps some others can add some insights for you too....
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