Guy making a second date way too complicated!

[TokyoG33kyGal]

yeah maybe in his head he also thinks "girl is making a second date way too complicated!"

 

i don't think it will hurt if you just give him a specific date when you are available

[wordgirl81]

yeah maybe in his head he also thinks "girl is making a second date way too complicated!"

 

i don't think it will hurt if you just give him a specific date when you are available

 

yea, that is true. its definitely a possibility. i just got another text from him saying something complain-ey about work and making a joke...and then he said to let him know how my weekend goes. ill give him a specific day this time....as soon as i know.

 

thanks guys

[Faded_x]

I'm a bit confused as to why he keeps asking why you're free to talk and not to catch up too. I thought along the same lines of your room mate too, in that maybe he uses the term loosely. Either way though, I'd just reply to him saying to let you know when he's free to hang out next. Just to let him know you're definitely more keen on hanging out, than just "talking".

[wordgirl81]

I'm a bit confused as to why he keeps asking why you're free to talk and not to catch up too. I thought along the same lines of your room mate too, in that maybe he uses the term loosely. Either way though, I'd just reply to him saying to let you know when he's free to hang out next. Just to let him know you're definitely more keen on hanging out, than just "talking".

 

 

 

hahaha I know, right?! Im confused too! Who does that?! Either way, he's interested, which is all that really matters right now. It's just annoying that I threw the ball in his court when I returned his call and left the voicemail kind of saying hey, im busy now but you let me know when YOURE free and hey who knows, maybe i will be too. take care.

 

then he goes and asks next time IM free. i say maybe sunday but not sure. then he says to let him know "how my weekend goes" ..

 

arghh. ball back in my court. i suppose ill let him know i AM free tomorrow. I mean, I am, and i dont want to play games.

[Roadlesstaken]

Wordgirl81, what happened to the woman that he connected with? Where does she fit into all this? Do you really want to be with a guy that says he connected with someone else? Do you think he may be keeping you on the back burner in case it doesn't work out with the woman he connected with?

[wordgirl81]

Wordgirl81, what happened to the woman that he connected with? Where does she fit into all this? Do you really want to be with a guy that says he connected with someone else? Do you think he may be keeping you on the back burner in case it doesn't work out with the woman he connected with?

 

How do we know hes not keeping HER on the backburner? How do we know theres only just ONE other? We dont. I see what youre saying but your missing my motive...and my point. Other girls dont matter. Ive connected with about 3 other guys since our date, possibly more than he has. This other girl has nothing to do with he and I

[wordgirl81]

How do we know hes not keeping HER on the backburner? How do we know theres only just ONE other? We dont. I see what youre saying but your missing my motive...and my point. Other girls dont matter. Ive connected with about 3 other guys since our date, possibly more than he has. This other girl has nothing to do with he and I

 

 

Oh, not sure if this was in the OP, but he immediately followed up that statement with saying he wasnt serious about her.

 

Update:

 

well, remember on Thursday when I returned his call and left a VM trying to kinda end things? Then he immediately texted asking me when I was free. I told him maybe Sunday but not sure. He told me to let him know. Then for the rest of the night while we were both at work, he kept texting me and we went back and forth for hours (I ended it though) with just silly picture texts at work of what we were working on...as if he didnt want the conversation to end.

 

I had a good weekend, Worked Friday night overnight. Went on another date last night. I texted him 3 hours ago saying that I actually was free tonight to get together.

 

NO RESPONSE. Im definitely done with this guy.

 

Really? lol this is getting hilarious.

[dispatch3d]

I only read the first page maybe the second just to attempt to understand what the hell you are doing (hahaha).

 

Who the **** has time for this bull****? Seriously. When girls dick me around I ignore them and move on. Why aren't you doing the same? This like literally makes no logical sense to me. People who brush me off continuously, or demand a lot of focus/effort for no apparent reason I don't bother with. There's a lot of important life things I'm focusing on. I can't have this kind of **** getting in the way. All these phone calls where he misses your call, calls you back 2 days later or something, sets up a time for 3 days later where he doesn't bother talking to you, blablabla where the **** is that going?

 

And you like that he isn't putting any pressure on you. l;kajsdl;kjsdf dah! Why would your ideal guy be someone who goes out with you once a month then spends the next 3 weeks scheduling and rescheduling things? **** that.

[wordgirl81]

I only read the first page maybe the second just to attempt to understand what the hell you are doing (hahaha).

 

Who the **** has time for this bull****? Seriously. When girls dick me around I ignore them and move on. Why aren't you doing the same? This like literally makes no logical sense to me. People who brush me off continuously, or demand a lot of focus/effort for no apparent reason I don't bother with. There's a lot of important life things I'm focusing on. I can't have this kind of **** getting in the way. All these phone calls where he misses your call, calls you back 2 days later or something, sets up a time for 3 days later where he doesn't bother talking to you, blablabla where the **** is that going?

 

And you like that he isn't putting any pressure on you. l;kajsdl;kjsdf dah! Why would your ideal guy be someone who goes out with you once a month then spends the next 3 weeks scheduling and rescheduling things? **** that.

 

Actually, at this point in my life, my ideal guy WOULD be a guy that could only hang out once a month.

 

And yes, Ive tried many times to end it or ignore him and he never goes away. Especially this last time. I'm done. Even if he "tries" again Im just not going to respond. I just hate being that kind of girl that is spiteful and plays games. I dont chase, but I always respond to people who are reaching out to me.

 

UGH. This really doesnt make any logical sense. The real question here now is, why is HE STILL even bothering with me?! Ive never seen anyone act so desperate with about 13 texts to me while we were working overnight, constantly reminding me to let him know about Sunday.

Edited February 27, 2011 by wordgirl81

[dispatch3d]

Actually, at this point in my life, my ideal guy WOULD be a guy that could only hang out once a month.

 

And yes, Ive tried many times to end it or ignore him and he never goes away. Especially this last time. I'm done. Even if he "tries" again Im just not going to respond. I just hate being that kind of girl that is spiteful and plays games. I dont chase, but I always respond to people who are reaching out to me.

 

UGH. This really doesnt make any logical sense. The real question here now is, why is HE STILL even bothering with me?! Ive never seen anyone act so desperate with about 13 texts to me while we were working overnight, constantly reminding me to let him know about Sunday.

 

I'll give you this. If you actually went out with him or just deleted him from your phone and stopped talking to him you couldn't bitch and complain about this thing anymore. You'd have to address something else.

 

What am I getting at? I think the reason you are doing this is because you enjoy the drama (so you create it).

 

Like the "call me that day thing". I would have to hold my breath if a girl told me that now (like seriously just try not to laugh). He's just not bothering with your drama, and hoping you actually take some initiative to meet, rather than taking initiative to perpetuate some story that nobody but you gives 2 ****s about.

 

This thread made me realize I take way too much bull**** from women. The ones who act like you do should just be instabackburnered because (a) it's not going anywhere (b) even worse, the girls are wasting my time and there time © it's promoting negative emotions that I could just avoid.

[dispatch3d]

Think about this. Every day you wake up you have a given amount of energy to spend before you collapse (sleep and rejuvenate, rinse, repeat). This energy bank is just a bank, and the energy could be spent on doing things, thinking about things, whatever the hell you want to spend it on.

 

I'll dub this energy "awesome" and allocate you 10,000 units of awesome.

 

Now your 10,000 units of awesome are spent every day whether you like it or not. You can choose to not allocate them anywhere (and be a victim of circumstance) or you can choose where to put them.

 

So in this interaction every day you chose to put some of those units, say 5000 or something, into thinking about dating this guy. You chose (or didn't choose) to put that energy into anything else. So you could have done extra **** at work, but didn't. You could have gone out with friends drinking, partying, or dancing, but didn't. Instead you chose to fuel these negative emotions more and more.

 

So to me this makes absolutely no sense. A girl who bothered to try to suck me into this negativity would get ignored or just pushed off. I have a lot of energy, and I chose very carefully where to spend it, and I spend in the majority of the time on happy things. This isn't a happy thing. This is a waste of my time and energy.

 

Anyhow, I wrote this out more to get the concept more concrete in my own head. Best of luck. I have to go spend some units of awesome on something important (like having fun, not wallowing in this thread, etc. etc.).

[wordgirl81]

I'll give you this. If you actually went out with him or just deleted him from your phone and stopped talking to him you couldn't bitch and complain about this thing anymore. You'd have to address something else.

 

What am I getting at? I think the reason you are doing this is because you enjoy the drama (so you create it).

 

Like the "call me that day thing". I would have to hold my breath if a girl told me that now (like seriously just try not to laugh). He's just not bothering with your drama, and hoping you actually take some initiative to meet, rather than taking initiative to perpetuate some story that nobody but you gives 2 ****s about.

 

This thread made me realize I take way too much bull**** from women. The ones who act like you do should just be instabackburnered because (a) it's not going anywhere (b) even worse, the girls are wasting my time and there time © it's promoting negative emotions that I could just avoid.

 

 

I'M the one creating the drama?! lololololololol:lmao:

 

Well, if you did read every page, you would see that im not. he's just way too complicated.

 

I made it clear to him that i dont take drama, im super casual, and to not bother with me if we're not on that same page. Ive stupidly gave him way more than one chance, but thats ending right now.

 

you sound very negative and you should stop beating yourself up so much about your issues with women. when people waste your time, you just move on. its annoying, but harboring all that anger will just create baggage, which you will subconciously and unwillingly drag into every experience you have with women. good luck. and that is sincere.

[wordgirl81]

Think about this. Every day you wake up you have a given amount of energy to spend before you collapse (sleep and rejuvenate, rinse, repeat). This energy bank is just a bank, and the energy could be spent on doing things, thinking about things, whatever the hell you want to spend it on.

 

I'll dub this energy "awesome" and allocate you 10,000 units of awesome.

 

Now your 10,000 units of awesome are spent every day whether you like it or not. You can choose to not allocate them anywhere (and be a victim of circumstance) or you can choose where to put them.

 

So in this interaction every day you chose to put some of those units, say 5000 or something, into thinking about dating this guy. You chose (or didn't choose) to put that energy into anything else. So you could have done extra **** at work, but didn't. You could have gone out with friends drinking, partying, or dancing, but didn't. Instead you chose to fuel these negative emotions more and more.

 

So to me this makes absolutely no sense. A girl who bothered to try to suck me into this negativity would get ignored or just pushed off. I have a lot of energy, and I chose very carefully where to spend it, and I spend in the majority of the time on happy things. This isn't a happy thing. This is a waste of my time and energy.

 

Anyhow, I wrote this out more to get the concept more concrete in my own head. Best of luck. I have to go spend some units of awesome on something important (like having fun, not wallowing in this thread, etc. etc.).

 

 

 

 

 

 

So in this interaction every day you chose to put some of those units, say 5000 or something, into thinking about dating this guy. You chose (or didn't choose) to put that energy into anything else. So you could have done extra **** at work, but didn't. You could have gone out with friends drinking, partying, or dancing, but didn't. Instead you chose to fuel these negative emotions more and more.

 

WHAT are you even talking about? are you sure youre talking about my thread. I think you may have confused mine with another?

[dispatch3d]

I'M the one creating the drama?! lololololololol:lmao:

 

Well, if you did read every page, you would see that im not. he's just way too complicated.

 

I made it clear to him that i dont take drama, im super casual, and to not bother with me if we're not on that same page. Ive stupidly gave him way more than one chance, but thats ending right now.

 

you sound very negative and you should stop beating yourself up so much about your issues with women. when people waste your time, you just move on. its annoying, but harboring all that anger will just create baggage, which you will subconciously and unwillingly drag into every experience you have with women. good luck. and that is sincere.

 

You don't like drama. Yet you create 4 page threads where you bitch about some guy who doesn't bother with your bs. Bull****.

 

This post makes me think of flying pigs, purple cows, and lots of other stuff that doesn't exist but is fun to think about hahaha.

[Star_Bright]

Oh, not sure if this was in the OP, but he immediately followed up that statement with saying he wasnt serious about her.

 

Update:

 

well, remember on Thursday when I returned his call and left a VM trying to kinda end things? Then he immediately texted asking me when I was free. I told him maybe Sunday but not sure. He told me to let him know. Then for the rest of the night while we were both at work, he kept texting me and we went back and forth for hours (I ended it though) with just silly picture texts at work of what we were working on...as if he didnt want the conversation to end.

 

I had a good weekend, Worked Friday night overnight. Went on another date last night. I texted him 3 hours ago saying that I actually was free tonight to get together.

 

NO RESPONSE. Im definitely done with this guy.

 

Really? lol this is getting hilarious.

 

I agree about it being hilarious-- I think you are BOTH acting quite ridiculous. AGAIN you told him you'd "see if you are free on Sunday." WTF? To me it sounds like a passive aggressive game to make him chase you. Acting coy when you REALLY wanted to see him but you wanted HIM to just leave Sunday open hoping you were free and then call you on Sunday. To me that sounds like very immature behavior for a 30 year old. I would think someone who did that was either not interested in me or was playing games, and I would never respond. Instead, he keeps you on the back burner and plays games too. What a messed up situation!

 

I don't blame him for not calling you on Sunday. He's not at your beck and call. If you wanted to see him and your Sunday was free then you should have told him that when he asked so that he could set up a date with you. It sounds to me like you're just into playing games.

 

Look wordgirl, if you like a guy and he asks if you're free on a certain day, and you are actually free, then tell him yes. That way you have a date and time set so you know you will see him and vice versa. If you are not free, let him know and either suggest another time or let him suggest. This "up in the air" response of yours would be enough to drive anyone crazy! It comes across as very flippant and self-involved. Like you expect him to plan his schedule around waiting to see if you're available to see him or not. It doesn't make sense to give him that response and then complain that he hasn't made an effort to see you. He HAS made the effort- you haven't.

[Star_Bright]

What am I getting at? I think the reason you are doing this is because you enjoy the drama (so you create it).

 

Like the "call me that day thing". I would have to hold my breath if a girl told me that now (like seriously just try not to laugh). He's just not bothering with your drama, and hoping you actually take some initiative to meet, rather than taking initiative to perpetuate some story that nobody but you gives 2 ****s about.

 

Exactly. I would never continue to date or try to date someone who said "call me that day" instead of actually bothering to schedule a date with me.

[wordgirl81]

You don't like drama. Yet you create 4 page threads where you bitch about some guy who doesn't bother with your bs. Bull****.

 

This post makes me think of flying pigs, purple cows, and lots of other stuff that doesn't exist but is fun to think about hahaha.

 

once again, what?

 

"A guy who doesnt bother with my bs" ? READ THE WHOLE THING BEFORE YOU PROJECT YOU OWN NEGATIVE BAGGAGE WITH WOMEN PLEASE. or not. I dont care. just dont project your own negative baggage. youve obviously had a lot of bad experience with women, and i hope that changes for you.

 

Youre taking this way too seriously. Youre the one who seems to spend a lot of time on dating forums.(just judging by amount of posts youve made.) I came on here for one thing, and then i leave. Try getting out of the house once in awhile. You seem like you need to release all this pent up anger somewhere. Try yoga and some meditation or something. Works for me. I wish you the best of luck.

 

you seem to be exerting a lot of negative energy over my posts. you need to chill. dude.

[wordgirl81]

Exactly. I would never continue to date or try to date someone who said "call me that day" instead of actually bothering to schedule a date with me.

 

I told him I didnt know if I was free, because I didnt know......because now im working 6-7 days a week and i made it clear i wasnt interested in continuing this because of our schedules....and he STIll keeps trying. SO yea. He told me to call him Sunday (today) if I was indeed available. SO I DID. Totally shouldnt have. I dont know what the hell kind of game he is playing but I am not playing along anymore.

 

I was the one making all the initiative to meet in the beginning. jeez.

[wordgirl81]

I agree about it being hilarious-- I think you are BOTH acting quite ridiculous. AGAIN you told him you'd "see if you are free on Sunday." WTF? To me it sounds like a passive aggressive game to make him chase you. Acting coy when you REALLY wanted to see him but you wanted HIM to just leave Sunday open hoping you were free and then call you on Sunday. To me that sounds like very immature behavior for a 30 year old. I would think someone who did that was either not interested in me or was playing games, and I would never respond. Instead, he keeps you on the back burner and plays games too. What a messed up situation!

 

I don't blame him for not calling you on Sunday. He's not at your beck and call. If you wanted to see him and your Sunday was free then you should have told him that when he asked so that he could set up a date with you. It sounds to me like you're just into playing games.

 

Look wordgirl, if you like a guy and he asks if you're free on a certain day, and you are actually free, then tell him yes. That way you have a date and time set so you know you will see him and vice versa. If you are not free, let him know and either suggest another time or let him suggest. This "up in the air" response of yours would be enough to drive anyone crazy! It comes across as very flippant and self-involved. Like you expect him to plan his schedule around waiting to see if you're available to see him or not. It doesn't make sense to give him that response and then complain that he hasn't made an effort to see you. He HAS made the effort- you haven't.

 

 

Oh my god. talk about misunderstanding. you guys are turning this into a mess. he wasnt supposed to call me sunday.

 

should i reiterate?

 

here it is simply put:

 

He says "When are you free next?"

 

Me: I think Im off Sunday. We joke about how crazy work is...blah blah...

 

Him: Ugh i know how that is! so annoying....more work talk....blah blah...OK cool....Let me know Sunday morning if you are working (thats when I would find out from my boss if i needed to come in or not)

 

Sunday morning comes.....My boss calls and tells me i dont need to go in.

 

I call Dude

 

leave message saying that i dont have to work today! yay! lets go to that bar we like and watch the oscars or something!

 

He never responds.

 

This exact same scenario was played out 3 or 4 times.

 

I give up. End of story.

 

 

you guys are ridiiiiiiiculous. Can we just end this already? These forums are filled with people who are just angry, bitter, and have so much baggage.

 

Im sorry, there were definitely some great responses but this is how i feel in general.

 

Now, if youll excuse me, I actually have a life to continue living. Good luck to you all.

Edited February 27, 2011 by wordgirl81

[TokyoG33kyGal]

3 hours of notice is too short. what if he already planned something? IMO, at least make that day available a day before and inform him.

[self-improvement]

you guys are ridiiiiiiiculous. Can we just end this already? These forums are filled with people who are just angry, bitter, and have so much baggage.

 

Im sorry, there were definitely some great responses but this is how i feel in general.

 

Don't understand why you're getting so personal and resentful. You asked for advice and you got tons of it. Ignoring the confusion, misunderstandings and constant explaining of things that story-writing can bring along in forums, you somehow seem allergic to well-intentioned criticism and suggestions involving YOU in this matter.

Ever thought of the possibility that not only the guy is messing things up? Why do you expect him to behave differently if you're not willing to either? It takes two to tango.

[jadedone]

meh. maybe. he doesnt scream "player" like a lot of the other guys i go out with. doesnt seem like the type.

 

 

should i call back?

 

Maybe not a player but he is definitely playing the game enough to keep you thinking and wondering, and it's working.

[TigerCub]

"i dont chase, but i figured id throw a nice text out to him inviting him to a gallery exhibit i was going to the following night. he never responded."

That's not chasing?

 

i just sent him a text with somehting along the lines of "hey i liked you and i would have really liked to hang out again. i guess you did not feel the same. take care and good luck." - Again, same question

 

"ok dude you could have copped out many times by now. this is becoming way too complicated. im moving on"

why didn't you stick to what you threatened?

 

"ugh i dont want to be that girl. i dont want to make a big deal. let me clarify. i then told him in one long text that i wasnt looking for anything super serious right away. i just liked him and wanted to hang out again. i was sorry if he misunderstood me and felt pressured. im not that girl."

oh! but you are THAT girl - but you're trying to act like you're not - then you just confuse yourself...

 

 

The problem is that you keep acting like you don't want to chase, but you do.

You tell him that you're done with him, but when he calls you run to the phone.

 

You bitched to him about how you don’t like text and would rather talk, then you bitch to us about "why does he need to talk?"

 

You think that he's mentioning the other girl he's seeing just to fill you in - yeah maybe, but its also telling you there are others in the pic and you need to lower your expectations of him.

 

You are acting so flaky with this guy.

He asks you what day you're free, you tell him, maybe *such and such* a day, call me then??!! What the hell is that? Why didn't you just say "oh, I think _____ day works for me" ?

 

You then call him on a random day (the next round) and tell him you're free that day - ok, hope you have no life buddy, cuz I'm good to hang out now - and you actually wonder why he didn't call you back?!

 

At first when I read you posts, I was totally thinking he was flaky with you and you needed to stop chasing after him

Then the more I read (and yes, I did read the whole thing) - its totally clear that you are the flaky one and that's why he's not interested and putting in more effort to see you, he's tried doing that, but in some weird misguided attempt at acting like you got a life, you blew him off repeatedly.

 

You now ask why he wont leave you alone? Yeah, I wondering that myself. - sounds like a desperate loser to be putting up with that crap.

The question is - why don’t you leave him alone? Just stop replying, stop telling him to call, and stop telling him about "possible" days where you might , consider, thinking about being free to go on a date with him.

 

Geeezz!!! This is exactly why I'd never switch teams - women can be so flaky and weird!!!

[SingVoice]

This might sound like a jerky thing to say OP...but it just sounds like you aren looking for advice...but just looking for someone to agree with your behavior.

 

If you really are looking for advice...just take a minute to consider what everyone is saying...rather than just shooting it down. If you still don't agree...that's fine and that's your decision. But you should at least consider that other people might see things in a different light.

 

Wish you good luck with dating though!

[self-improvement]

This might sound like a jerky thing to say OP...but it just sounds like you aren looking for advice...but just looking for someone to agree with your behavior.

 

If you really are looking for advice...just take a minute to consider what everyone is saying...rather than just shooting it down. If you still don't agree...that's fine and that's your decision. But you should at least consider that other people might see things in a different light.

 

Wish you good luck with dating though!

 

True dat. That's what I was trying to say, but you said it better.