Bonie Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Well I am back to ground zero. What a surprise. I was doing well until l I found out my ex is still with that new girl, going strong hah. I just do not know what I did to desrve this. He basically dumped me cruelly when I was sick and depressed, going through a very difficult time in my life through an email after 3 years together. 3 freaking years of me being faithful and good to him! And he claimed I was the love of his life and he wanted to marry me one day. I was too damn good with him. And when I needed him the most, when I had serios health issues, he just turned around and stabbed me in the back and decided he did not need me anymore. Ya I was just not fun enough anymore because I had my own problems to deal with. It has been a year an a half and I am stuck in the past. I am thankful that my parents and my friends were there for me and I never resisted breaking NC with him but it was torture. He did contact me on several occasion. First one was 2 months after the break up becuase he wanted to give me back a book I gave him. I did not reply/ call him back and he left it to me in front of my house. I did not thank him. He was dead to me. A month later he called me to wish me happy b-day and he said that he hopes I do not hold a lot of bad things agaisnt hkim and he misses the good times we had. I did not answer again. On New Years he saw some pics with me and some guy and he sent me a msg a few days later to wish my xmas and happy new year. That was our last contact. Then I heard he started dating some girl. In October he sent me a msg on my cell to which I did not reply and later I got a missed call from him, saying that he had a drawing I gave him while we were together and wanted to meet me to give it back to me but I stated that he can keep it for himself. Do you think he has any regrets? I really need some comfort from you guys. I am so stuck in the past and feel so miserable because I feel I was treated so poorly at the end by him amnd my hear is so full of hate and cant let anyone in. I still think about him every day but not so much in a romantic way but thinking about how much I hate him and hoping karma will get him. With all my heart I wish the same thing happens to him and he suffers the same pain I did .
Author Bonie Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 I would have thoguht that I would be over him but I am still not. These feelings are still fresh. I ****ing hate him with all my heart. I do not think I would be ever be able to forgive but I know this is not helping me at all but doing myself more damage. I hope someone who has been through similar situation can PM me.
Author Bonie Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 I can't believe I am still so bitter. I wish I could forget he ever existed and just be done with this horrible feeling. This man has been lying to me in my face for so many years that he loved me. Loser!!!!!! I have lost faith in love. I do not think I ever want to get in a relationship again (((.
2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Hi Bonie Sory to hear you are hurting, and there are a lot of people on here in the same boat so if that's any concillation (probably not I know). Tbh do you really need someone like this in your life, bailing on you when you needed them the most? Your anger is well justified and you will naturally direct it at him. You are doing good ignoring him as that is all he deserves if he done this to you. You know there is such a fine line between hate and love and it doesn't take much to swing between one and the other. My ex had issues with her commitment and I think had some personal issues but these were her issues and she was taking it out on me and the RL when all I was trying to do was my best by her. From this angle I think she started hating me but then I am glad I got out when I did as I was becoming the straw man for her insecurities and past failures. The best thig you can do for YOU now is to keep going and remove all things that remind you of him and any contact details, honestly it is the only way you will heal as quick as you can. If he keeps contacting you tell him to stop contacting you or you will see about getting something done about it. He is maybe just feeling bad now and need reassurance from you that you don't hate him so HE can feel better - quite selfish all the same. 2011
2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I can't believe I am still so bitter. I wish I could forget he ever existed and just be done with this horrible feeling. This man has been lying to me in my face for so many years that he loved me. Loser!!!!!! I have lost faith in love. I do not think I ever want to get in a relationship again (((. I know it is hard just now but please don't be bitter, not all us guys are like this. I meet women who things like this have happened to and they have a hard time trusting me but I am really commmitted to wanting to settle down with someone, and am honest, genuine and sincere, but this kind of experience makes it all the more harder for girls to trust decent guys like me. It makes me angry when people do this because people become very defensive and have a hard time trusting anyone. After my BU I too thought right that's it I do not want to go with anyone again but you will lose that feeling I promise, it will take it's time but you will strengthen your resolve in that time and do a lot of thinking. You will come out of it a better, more wiser person in the end. 2011
Author Bonie Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Yes he was selfish and probably that is the only reason he was contacting me . We were each other's first loves and the way he acted has cause a wound that probably would never heal. I am trying to date other men but I always find things I do not like about them. I might be doing that on purpose,so I do not get close to them. His explanation in that email was ****ty. He just said we have lost the "spark" and even though we had great chemistry we were "not exactly a perfect match". What kind of an explanation is this?????These words are still stuck in my mind. I am crying like a baby today and it has been a whole 1 year and a half ((((((. And he gets to be happy wth someone else whol looks so much like me and I am the one who is still stuck in the past.
depplover_1980 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Hi Bonie, I am worried about your mental state - have you considered a counsellor, an informal person-centered one where you can just vent and construct a plan for recovery? -Depp x
2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Bonie You cannot let this hold you back, you have to realise you are so much a better person than he deserves and you have to get yourself busy and try to get over it. I'm not saying do not feel the pain and anger but you have to try and get it out of your system and do not sit about with it festering away in your head. I done this the first few months of my BU and still get it a bit now but have changed and forced myself to move on and am slowly coming out the other side. I too dated girls after BU and as soon as I met them just went into a mood and made up things in my head so that I would see faults in them and deliberately not move on. Move on is a hard word to hear but it means you, it is all about you, you have to be your wholeself, and be happy with you, at the moment you cannot see how you can move on without "him", so you see yourself as not a whole person without this other person, this is why you cannot move on but you have to picture it in your head then make it reality. You have got to where you are in life being you and happy with yourself now realise you have to get back to that stage. 2011
makelemonade1974 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Sweetie, I know just how you feel. Some breakups can be a very long grieving process. Read up on the stages of grief and know that what you are going through is a normal process that takes longer for some people than for others. Do take Depp's advice and go see a counselor. In the meantime, find ways to comfort yourself: - Cry and hug somebody while crying - Take a couple sominex and go to sleep (things are always better in the morning) -Go to your doc and explain what you are going through - there are medications that can help. -meditate - close your eyes, relax, breathe in and out deeply, imagine a warm white light emanating from your chest, and repeat a mantra to yourself "let me be well" is my favorite one. Trust me, it works. -write poems, stories, letters to your ex (that you delete and don't send) - eat chocolate -masturbate (I'm not kidding) -watch a really good movie or tv show like southpark - these are great distractions You have to take care of YOU. And know that some days will be better than others. It's okay to have a bad day. You will have good days as well where you feel SO strong. In the meantime, we are here for you and know exactly what you are going through. (((hugs))))
depplover_1980 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Sweetie, I know just how you feel. Some breakups can be a very long grieving process. Read up on the stages of grief and know that what you are going through is a normal process that takes longer for some people than for others. Do take Depp's advice and go see a counselor. In the meantime, find ways to comfort yourself: - Cry and hug somebody while crying - Take a couple sominex and go to sleep (things are always better in the morning) -Go to your doc and explain what you are going through - there are medications that can help. -meditate - close your eyes, relax, breathe in and out deeply, imagine a warm white light emanating from your chest, and repeat a mantra to yourself "let me be well" is my favorite one. Trust me, it works. -write poems, stories, letters to your ex (that you delete and don't send) - eat chocolate -masturbate (I'm not kidding) -watch a really good movie or tv show like southpark - these are great distractions You have to take care of YOU. And know that some days will be better than others. It's okay to have a bad day. You will have good days as well where you feel SO strong. In the meantime, we are here for you and know exactly what you are going through. (((hugs)))) Well I would have come back with further advice Bonie based on your response to my suggestion, but I have to say that Lemonades advice is fantastic and she is a woman who fully understands what you are feeling.
Mcnulty Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 God, Bonie, i really feel for you. He is not worth the pain you're putting yourself through now, after a year and a half. if the scumbag contacts you again, tell him never again to contact and get some sort of legal order put out on him. You have done nothing wrong, you must tell yourself that. hey, you're not ready top date, end of. Don't go out on dates unless you really like the person, don't put yourself through the anxiety. look after you and your mental well being...you are worth it..tell yourself this please. I understand re. getting upset and hurting still. It's been 20 months for me...she was a selfish bitch, who I'm sure was cheating on me, but as much as I know i will always always love her deep in my heart, that's where it stays, deep in my heart, she doesn't deserve to know that or know me, so she is gone...still rubbing my face in it with her big ugly guy, but even that doesn't upset me now. like you I want karma to get her, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen, she'd fall in a bucket of **** and come out smelling of roses, so my best way of getting back at her is to hold my head up high and try to get my life back on track...that's a work in progress, but like you Bonie, I'll get there...just like you will, I promise.
wbr4p Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 wtf is with this guy and returning ur ****? doesnt make sense. usually its the dumpee who retaliates and goes emo and tries to return stuff, but the dumper who obviously has moved on....wants to keep making these excuses to see u, maybe out of guilt, he wants to make sure youre ok, the only way to know is to see u by "returning" these items. pretty insulting, he needs to grow up
Author Bonie Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Hhaa ya I also do not understand why on earth he is using the fact that he has some things of mine an excuse to see me....Well, he will always be a coward to me, so I am not surprised he is acting like this. He did not have the guts to face me but took the easy way out without discussing things. That is what hurts the most. I know for sure that I will never get back with him( pretty confident with this decision after what he put me through and do not want to see him EVER again).I am really glad that I never begged or anything like that.I am pretty strict with my NC but the in reality it is a real torture. How long does it take to get over someone? I have never had other serious relationships besides him, so I have no idea. I just hope that one day I will. It has been so long. Thank you all for your support.
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