califsb Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I saw her after 3 weeks yesterday.. and we talked for 2 hours.. very intense and she really wants to be friends and misses me.. i kind of agreed.. but then after realized.. no way i can be friends with her and she gets to have me around.. but not be with me.. BS!! She was also annoyed to see me on a dating site and she went there to see if i was there.. So question.. she wants to hang out and is going to text me next week for us to go for a hike or get dinner.. I am going to say to her.. Sorry I need time to heal and things are too raw for me. I can not be friends and this will not work for me. You know what I want and you are not ready for a relationship so I need to move on." Thoughts.. please feed back.. i am a mess
thisguyagain Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Sounds pretty much like the situation I'm in. My issue is that if I tell her 'we can't be friends' then she's gone for good, and it'll ruin me. But if I say 'yeah, let's me up' then she'll still get me without being with me, if you know what I mean. And I want her to miss me. I know that telling her that you can't be friends with her is the thing you SHOULD do, but I also know how hard that is to do. In summary, I'm just as much of a mess as you. Sorry buddy!
fetish Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 She just texted me after the 4th day of us both going NC. She said she's working toward getting her own place and can't get her things til the end of next month. She said she doesn't understand me and i don't understand her either and that she really loves me but we both still have some growing up to do and hopes we can still be friends. I'm thinking about breaking NC again and telling her that It will take some time before or if we can ever be on that level. I want to tell her i still love her back but I'm not sure where that will leave me emotionally. I'm not really sure if i'm quite ready for that type of relationship with her. I'd be glad to have her back if she ever needed it, but as far as having a friendship, It's still too painful right now.
0hpenelope Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I saw her after 3 weeks yesterday.. and we talked for 2 hours.. very intense and she really wants to be friends and misses me.. i kind of agreed.. but then after realized.. no way i can be friends with her and she gets to have me around.. but not be with me.. BS!! She was also annoyed to see me on a dating site and she went there to see if i was there.. So question.. she wants to hang out and is going to text me next week for us to go for a hike or get dinner.. I am going to say to her.. Sorry I need time to heal and things are too raw for me. I can not be friends and this will not work for me. You know what I want and you are not ready for a relationship so I need to move on." Thoughts.. please feed back.. i am a mess With regards to letting her know that you are going NC, I regret announcing mine to my ex. Just putting that out there. If I were in your situation, I'd respond "No, thank you" and just leave it at that. No more contact, just hunker down in my comfortable NC nook and disappear. I'd put in all of my efforts to feeling better and healing. Man... we're too nice to our dumpers. Letting them know we're going to stop talking to them before actually doing so. They didn't say "Hey, in about 2 weeks, I'm going to dump you, so uh... be prepared, ok?" to us. They just did it!
Author califsb Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 PENOPLE.. I came to this relization yesterday.. the whole time i have been super nice to her even after she said.. she was not sure and was not ready for this right now.. I am going to simply text her back when she texts me to hang out.. NO sorry I am busy." no more explaining or going into reasons.. Rejecting her friendship.. and moving on.. she knows what i want and what we can have and she can not have a piece of me.. on her conditons and me being nice about it makes no sense. All my freinds who are girls said. u do that and see how much she will be like.. uhh? my puppy .. is barking at me..
depplover_1980 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I fully agree with Penelope who offered great advice. You are doing the right thing by just politely declining as right now she hasn't earnt any explanation.
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