ReadyforLove Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Long story short...this guy I met back in Dec of 2010, we went on one date. After that one date he wanted to hang out with me every single day, he would text and call me ALL DAY LONG. I wasn't really feeling him and he was starting to annoying me so I told him I wasn't interested so he would leave me alone and stop blowing up my message inbox. Well, within the past week or so he reached out to me and told me how much he liked me (after just ONE date but ok, fine) and how he wanted to see if we could take things slow. I decided to give him a second chance since he's not in the same state as me any way I figured I could keep him at a healthy distance and still get to know him. Well, not only does this man text me all day long but he has now started asking me to send him pictures of myself. I sent him one picture the first time he asked. In return, he sent me two. I ignored them and went on about my day. Later that night he texted "I sent you two pictures, aren't you going to send me one more?" I responded, "No, I never asked you to send me two pictures to begin with" Well, he has continued to ask me to send pictures about every day now. Ok, I kind of get it, I haven't seen him since Dec, he is in another state so it's not like we can meet up as of right now. But I already sent him one picture and I don't have any pictures on my phone, I don't know what his plans are for these pictures and it's starting to really annoy me that he keeps asking about some damn pictures. Today when he asked AGAIN I told him bluntly "Can you stop asking? It's creeping me out and you're getting on my nerves" He responded "Oh I just thought you would give in at some point don't get all psycho on me lol" Any other women (or men?) dealt with someone who is persistent in asking you to do something that you have told them numerous times that you don't want to do? I'm sure his behavior (excessive calling, texting, being attached to me after one date, constantly asking me to do something I've already said "no" to) is a sign of something a little off I just can't put my finger on it. Is his behavior a red flag? Am I being too picky and uptight?
Lilmisus Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Yes his behavior is a major red flag, and no you're not being too picky or uptight. This guy has some serious attachment issues going on here. I wouldn't be surprised if he told all his buddies that you guys are together and is showing off your picture to anyone who will look. He honestly seems pretty pathetic. He wont take no for an answer, he wont get the hint (even after you flat out told him) that you aren't interested, and he's pushing way too hard here. I typically just ignore guys who bug me, and they get the hint pretty quickly, but my friend seems to be a lot like you. She had a guy who she used to date continually do this to her who would just not get the hint. She even told him like you did that she wasn't interested, and he still pursued. Like I told her (and it worked) the best thing to do is to cut off all ties from him. Tell him that you need the space and you're not interested in pursing any sort of relationship or friendship with him and that you hope he can respect your wishes. If he continues to blow up your inbox, just ignore him. Better yet, if you can, block his number. http://psychoticlettersfrommen.blogspot.com/ I used to go to this website all the time a year and so ago when it was still up and running, and your letter reminded me of it. If you need even more encouragement to not talk to this guy..read some of these letters and see that he's not the only one out there who is like this. There are plenty of overly attached men out there, and some of them can get plain mean (and psychotic). So be careful, and do the wise thing and stop all communication with this dude.
Author ReadyforLove Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Yes his behavior is a major red flag, and no you're not being too picky or uptight. This guy has some serious attachment issues going on here. I wouldn't be surprised if he told all his buddies that you guys are together and is showing off your picture to anyone who will look. He honestly seems pretty pathetic. He wont take no for an answer, he wont get the hint (even after you flat out told him) that you aren't interested, and he's pushing way too hard here. I typically just ignore guys who bug me, and they get the hint pretty quickly, but my friend seems to be a lot like you. She had a guy who she used to date continually do this to her who would just not get the hint. She even told him like you did that she wasn't interested, and he still pursued. Like I told her (and it worked) the best thing to do is to cut off all ties from him. Tell him that you need the space and you're not interested in pursing any sort of relationship or friendship with him and that you hope he can respect your wishes. If he continues to blow up your inbox, just ignore him. Better yet, if you can, block his number. http://psychoticlettersfrommen.blogspot.com/ I used to go to this website all the time a year and so ago when it was still up and running, and your letter reminded me of it. If you need even more encouragement to not talk to this guy..read some of these letters and see that he's not the only one out there who is like this. There are plenty of overly attached men out there, and some of them can get plain mean (and psychotic). So be careful, and do the wise thing and stop all communication with this dude. Thanks for the reply. He clearly has attachment issues. I didn't reply to his last text and he has sent me two more already. I will definitely check out the link you provide.
Imajerk17 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I'm perplexed too. This guy was whining like a sick puppu but you gave him a second chance. What's wrong with the women on here?
Author ReadyforLove Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 When I initially met him he wasn't a "jerk" we went out once, he brought me a dozen long stem roses on the date. After that first date, he wanted to hang out the very next day, the day after and the day after but I declined. I thought that he was coming on too strong by texting me and calling me all day. I was seeing someone else and just wasn't into this guy so I told him so. He did not ask for any pictures during this time at all. We stopped talking and I did not hear from him until two weeks ago... I gave him a second chance because he WAS a nice guy. This second time around is when he started being pushy and repeatedly asking for pictures. It is this second time around that you all would classify him as being a "jerk" I define it as him being super annoying. This is why I came to his forum to ask if I am just being too sensitive or if there is something a little off with this guy.
Author ReadyforLove Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 I'm perplexed too. This guy was whining like a sick puppu but you gave him a second chance. What's wrong with the women on here? Reading is fundamental. He started whining AFTER I gave him a second chance...
Imajerk17 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Long story short...this guy I met back in Dec of 2010, we went on one date. After that one date he wanted to hang out with me every single day, he would text and call me ALL DAY LONG. I wasn't really feeling him and he was starting to annoying me so I told him I wasn't interested so he would leave me alone and stop blowing up my message inbox. I can read, m'dear, can you write though. I highlighted what stood out for me. He blew up your phone and you still gave him a second chance. I stand by what I wrote earlier.
Author ReadyforLove Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 So you consider excessive calling and texting as someone being a "jerk". Ok fine.
Imajerk17 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 So you consider excessive calling and texting as someone being a "jerk". Ok fine. You aren't alarmed by needy/stalkerish behavior? Go you.
Imajerk17 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Seriously, the signs were there from the beginning, you chose to ignore them. Someone's judgment/ selection process needs a serious upgrade.
Lilmisus Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 how many chances does this ahole jerk get? He doesn't strike me as an "ahole jerk" he strikes me more as a pathetic loser who just doesn't know what the word "no" means and how to stop trying. OP strikes me more as a chick who's too nice doesn't want to be rude..not like she's enjoying the attention.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Op.... This guy is really into you right? You are also somewhat into him yes? The problem is communication. He communicates too much! Just ask him to give you space. Tell him he is smothering you and if he does not stop you will end it. Consider the alternative, a man who never calls and acts like he does not give a crap. Why would that be better?
Author ReadyforLove Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Op.... This guy is really into you right? You are also somewhat into him yes? The problem is communication. He communicates too much! Just ask him to give you space. Tell him he is smothering you and if he does not stop you will end it. Consider the alternative, a man who never calls and acts like he does not give a crap. Why would that be better? You are right. I am just looking for a healthy medium. I know that if he didn't call me for days on end then I would be complaining as well. But it is the repeated request for pictures that has really turned me off.
Author ReadyforLove Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 John, you can give up on replying. I now have you on ignore
Imajerk17 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 You are right. I am just looking for a healthy medium. I know that if he didn't call me for days on end then I would be complaining as well. But it is the repeated request for pictures that has really turned me off. I will say this again that your filters about whom you let into your life seems to be off. (Don't ignore me for being critical. Ask your friends for *their* opinion...) What is he the only guy asking you out?
Mrlonelyone Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 You are right. I am just looking for a healthy medium. I know that if he didn't call me for days on end then I would be complaining as well. But it is the repeated request for pictures that has really turned me off. Pictures?.... You don't mean naked pictures do you? That could be a turn off if your not into that. The thing about relationships is that they take time and work. One has to be willing to put work into a relationship. That work is figuring out things like...how often to call...how much space...how much time... setting boundaries. Set boundaries for the guy and if he does not respect them go ahead and end it. Right now he sounds like someone who's crazy about you..not crazy. As for those on here talking about him being a jerk. I always thought that a nice guy was one who was as attentive as that guy....a jerk was one who did not call? It's all BS anyway.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 When I initially met him he wasn't a "jerk" we went out once, he brought me a dozen long stem roses on the date. After that first date, he wanted to hang out the very next day, the day after and the day after but I declined. I thought that he was coming on too strong by texting me and calling me all day. I was seeing someone else and just wasn't into this guy so I told him so. He did not ask for any pictures during this time at all. We stopped talking and I did not hear from him until two weeks ago... I gave him a second chance because he WAS a nice guy. This second time around is when he started being pushy and repeatedly asking for pictures. It is this second time around that you all would classify him as being a "jerk" I define it as him being super annoying. This is why I came to his forum to ask if I am just being too sensitive or if there is something a little off with this guy. He's certainly not a ' jerk" but he does have a problem with taking no for an answer, which can prove even more problematic until you adamantly tell him off.
SmileFace Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Communication! that is all I have to say. This new "JERK" phenomia makes me never want to start a thread - my word.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 your are a jerk xpapercutx. f.u. ahole. I thought it takes a penis to dictate who gets branded a jerk. Thank goodness I don't have one.
Author ReadyforLove Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Thanks to everyone who gave a meaningful responses. I finally replied to his text and he told me that he wants to fly me out to where he is so we can hang out Idk about this one. I guess I'm just not used to someone's interest level being so high.
Imajerk17 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) Thanks to everyone who gave a meaningful responses. I finally replied to his text and he told me that he wants to fly me out to where he is so we can hang out Idk about this one. I guess I'm just not used to someone's interest level being so high. The guy is acting in a whiny creepy way and you are still entertaining him. I'd say again that if the situation is as you described it, your filters are SERIOUSLY off. Edited February 23, 2011 by Imajerk17
Star_Bright Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Wow, OP, I am sorry for the people who are making it impossible for you to get any advice. I don't know what is up with their immature posts! Anyway, I think it's strange that he is calling you/texting you/wanting to see you so much all the time. To me that does indicate neediness/clingyness (*not* being a "jerk" which is what the people who keep interrupting your posts are being!). So if you don't want someone needy/clingy in your life I think you should just start ignoring him until he finally gets the point. I don't feel he will listen to your boundaries because you have already expressed them to him and he persists anyway. It's like he can't help being that way-- that's just how he is. It does border on stalkerish/pathetic. I have met guys like this and it's not attractive. I say stay away from him. Good luck.
mtber75 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 So you consider excessive calling and texting as someone being a "jerk". Ok fine. A Jerk has a certain level of confidence or bada@@ness! But this guy is just a pathetic loser!
glimmer Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 He sounds like the kind of guy who will continue to disrespect your boundaries about all sorts of things, and it will get worse. I don't like how instead of apologizing, he turned it around on you and made a joke about you going "psycho". These are all red flags of an abuser. Some may say I'm taking this too seriously, but listen to your gut. After you put up with all kinds of crap from him, suddenly one day, poof!, he will disappear on you when he finds his next muse to obsess over (and abuse). If he even one more time starts up his antics (which I am positive he will) I think you should take a picture of your middle finger and email that to him. Then block him and never communicate with him again.
daphne Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I agree with what glimmer has said. My first red flag was the psycho comment. Does he not realize that he's the psycho? Funny stuff. If your guy is French, then we have dated teh same man. This happened to me last year around the holidays. He already had photos of me but wanted more. He called/texted daily and frequently when we hadn't even met yet (met online.) His ability to respect boundaries was pretty off and our first date was pretty bad. I tried to let him know I wasn't interested in continuing but he begged for another chance. Against my better judgement, and because I hate hurting someone's feelings when they do not appear to be intentionally mean, I gave him another chance. Ultimately, I did hop on the clue train and had to look out for myself. But, like with your guy, I noticed some unhealthy patterns. 1) What's up with the obsessive need for more photos? 2) Constant calling 3) Constant texting 4) Appearing as if we're in an instant relationship 5) Clingy and needy behavior 6) Most importantly - doesn't have a healthy respect for boundaries I don't think that either guy is necessarily abusive, but the relationship wouldn't be terribly healthy.
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