Fern Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I started blogging about 4 months after our split - it's all about me and how much progress I've been making since the split. I haven't been horrible about him or anything and thankfully I've been far more positive than negative in my posts. I really am moving on. The account is totally anonymous and I have no idea how he even found it. I don't know how long he's been reading it - I just know he's been reading it because he mentioned it to a mutual friend to see if she knew about it. She didn't. Nobody does. I'm a bit flabbergasted. It's making me think he still cares. It's so stupid. I was doing so well moving on and now I don't know what to do or think. He's still with the replacement and she met his child last week. Why is he keeping tabs on me? And how do I react to knowing he's been reading it? The mutual friend asked me not to let him know she'd told me. What do I do?
0hpenelope Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I think you should look up CaliGuy's previous threads. He had the same dilemma with his ex-gf checking up on his website. The thread in particular is quite lengthy and informative. It might help you a lot.
glimmer Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 He's been reading your anonymous and private blog? You have no idea how he found out about it?? Hmmm, that makes no sense. Do you think he's hacked your email accounts and saw you create the blog? Wouldn't illegal stalking be the only way he could know about it? You have to have some sort of idea as to how he found your anonymous blog. Also, checking on you while he's in a serious relationship with someone else is wrong Meeting someone's child is serious! I feel sorry for that woman.
Author Fern Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 He's been reading your anonymous and private blog? You have no idea how he found out about it?? Hmmm, that makes no sense. Do you think he's hacked your email accounts and saw you create the blog? Wouldn't illegal stalking be the only way he could know about it? You have to have some sort of idea as to how he found your anonymous blog. Also, checking on you while he's in a serious relationship with someone else is wrong Meeting someone's child is serious! I feel sorry for that woman. The only thing I can think is it's attached to my gmail profile - but I deleted him from my Buzz and stuff when we split. He would have had to actually go looking for it. Why would he bother looking at my gmail profile? What do I do? Do I just stop updating it and create a properly private one? I'm tempted to use this knowledge to F**k with him. I won't, obviously - it's not worth the drama. I like blogging though. :-( It makes me feel better.
glimmer Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Oh, I didn't know blogs could be listed on google profile. (I need to make sure mine's not visible!) If I were you, I'd go dormant on the blog. Eventually he'll stop checking it when nothing new is posted. Or actually, just make it private/password protected. Then, create a new one...you can sign up for another google account (under an anonymous name) within minutes. Continue blogging at the new place.
melenkurion Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 How frustrating for you. Like glimmer says, I think it might be best to set up a new one that he will have no way of knowing about. It's probably worth doing your utmost not to think too deeply about why he is checking it.
Author Fern Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 How frustrating for you. Like glimmer says, I think it might be best to set up a new one that he will have no way of knowing about. It's probably worth doing your utmost not to think too deeply about why he is checking it. I'm trying VERY hard not to speculate why he's reading it. At the end of the day - his relationship with her is still proceeding at break-neck speed and he's not exactly knocking my door down anyway. So it doesn't MATTER why he's reading it. I'm just relieved I haven't been posting endlessly about pining for him. I've mainly been really positive and upbeat, so I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by anything I wrote. I wonder if he's let her read it. That idea makes my stomach flip. That would be a betrayal too far. I'm torn over whether to set up a new one or not. Part of me thinks 'who cares if he's reading it, he's not part of my life anymore' but the sensible part of me knows that I don't want to start blogging TO him. That's not NC. And NC has been my saviour to date. So much for making the dumper wonder what's going on in your life and being mysterious. He knows my deepest bloody thoughts. But then - so what, it's not like I want him back. Let him read. Let him see how much pain he caused and how quickly I'm bouncing back and becoming a stronger, happier person without him.
Graceful Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 (edited) Fern, From what I know of your breakup and your ex, I don't think he's suffered very much, although, as you know, I think he has issues that cause him pain deep inside. My impression has always been that he has nothing against you, or your past relationship, and if anything, it was all about him being taken care of by you, and that he was a freeloader that now has to make it on his own. I don't think that his reading the blog means more than his curiosity getting the better of him. I don't know how he could have accessed it either, but I do think that it's human nature and part of the online mentality these days to keep looking at something we've found, maybe by accident or maybe by doing a little hacking, and getting a cheap thrill out of it. That might be what happened to him when he figured out he could access your blog. He thinks he's getting away with something, just the same way he did when he was cheating on you. It's part of his head set. You'll have to decide what is the best way to proceed. I think you're right on the money when you said you need to do what puts you (back) into NC. That's what is healthy for you. It sounds like all he's done is find out how well you're doing (inadvertently) and your blog has shown him that you're the strong person that you were all along. But I'd be careful not to play into his curiosity by continuing the blog when you know he can access it. Be honest with yourself, that's more important. Sounds like you're making great progress and I am happy for you!! Take care. I'm trying VERY hard not to speculate why he's reading it. At the end of the day - his relationship with her is still proceeding at break-neck speed and he's not exactly knocking my door down anyway. So it doesn't MATTER why he's reading it. I'm just relieved I haven't been posting endlessly about pining for him. I've mainly been really positive and upbeat, so I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by anything I wrote. I wonder if he's let her read it. That idea makes my stomach flip. That would be a betrayal too far. I'm torn over whether to set up a new one or not. Part of me thinks 'who cares if he's reading it, he's not part of my life anymore' but the sensible part of me knows that I don't want to start blogging TO him. That's not NC. And NC has been my saviour to date. So much for making the dumper wonder what's going on in your life and being mysterious. He knows my deepest bloody thoughts. But then - so what, it's not like I want him back. Let him read. Let him see how much pain he caused and how quickly I'm bouncing back and becoming a stronger, happier person without him. Edited February 24, 2011 by Graceful
Author Fern Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 Thanks Graceful - I always appreciate your input. I made the blog invite only this morning. I was SO tempted to use it to make a point, but I didn't. I just made it private. :-D If he's been reading it - odds on his new girl is too. And maybe even his family members. Creepy.
depplover_1980 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I would put an new entry about how your ex has found your blog and tell him to '**** off and mind his own business'!!
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