So Concerned About Looking At Porn - Sooooo insecure!!!!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by zarathustra

What's her crime?

I've already articulated the answer to this question.

 

The crime is pretending that it has something to do with love, and respect--when it really has something to do with compliance, and choice. I'm not delegitimizing ANY emotions, merely asking that people take responsibility for their part in the relationship.

 

Note that you're the one doing the blaming, not I. I never blamed the wife, only asked her to follow through with either changing her perception of porn, communicating with a willing partner--or, if those don't work out, ending the relationship. That's not culpability, that's accountability.

 

I'm 100% convinced you're merely playing devil's advocate.

[gypsygem]

There's no degradation, their ROLE is "nothing but holes"--they audition, compete, and are paid to behave in whatever manner they are.

 

Much porn IS degrading to women...I saw a Mexican porno, in which a woman was tied up, and blind-folded, and placed in a hammock underneath a donkey...the donkey was given an aphrodeziac, and sodomized the woman until his drug-induced erection was lost.

 

It was so sickening, that I had nightmares just thinking about it...How can any man think it sexually arousing to watch this happen to a woman.

 

Would you like to watch your girlfriend/sister/wife/daughter getting f#$%&d by farm animals?

 

Furthermore...It did NOT appear to me like the woman auditioned for this part. Hell, she could have been abducted and forced to do it, I don't know.

 

I like good porn, but there IS a difference between what is sexy and healthy, and what is sick and degrading.

[color=red]

Gypsy........"Those who hear not the music, think the dancers mad."[/color]

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by gypsygem

Much porn IS degrading to women...I saw a Mexican porno, in which a woman was tied up, and blind-folded, and placed in a hammock underneath a donkey...the donkey was given an aphrodeziac, and sodomized the woman until his drug-induced erection was lost.

An appeal to the extreme.

 

This porn is sick and disgusting, but I don't see how said el pornagrafico degrades an entire gender in general.

[TazmaGurl]

"only asked her to follow through with either changing her perception of porn, communicating with a willing partner--or, if those don't work out, ending the relationship. "

 

So is there a spot for the possibility of porn being eliminated.. or does that fit into the "communicating with a willing partner" part?

 

I would sooner end my life then end my relationship with my husband. You don't just pick up and leave a relationship like ours. (If I made mention to leaving, it was in that fashion only)

 

Tazmagurl

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by TazmaGurl

So is there a spot for the possibility of porn being eliminated.. or does that fit into the "communicating with a willing partner" part?

Precisely. The only chance of porn being eliminated is if he wants to eliminate it.

 

Let me make this clear, I'm not trying to deligitimize this is a marital issue, I'm only trying to seperate it from emotional qualifiers like love and respect for feelings, because it's a breed of manipulation, and counterproductive for conflict resolution.

I would sooner end my life then end my relationship with my husband.

That's healthy? I think that if you invest your self-worth entirely in another person, it's no wonder porn is such a problem--I would honestly reccomend counselling.

[gypsygem]

This porn is sick and disgusting, but I don't see how said el pornagrafico degrades an entire gender in general.

 

If it were a man being sodomized by the donkey....would you change your mind?

 

Or if it was a child being raped by an adult, would you not think this degrading to children?

 

Just curious...

 

Gypsy

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by gypsygem

If it were a man being sodomized by the donkey....would you change your mind?

Neither would interest me.

 

Or if it was a child being raped by an adult, would you not think this degrading to children?

I would not think it was degrading to children in general, but still disgusting.

 

I think all forms of child pornography and beastiality are illegal, and don't belong in anyone's porn collection.

[gypsygem]

I would not think it was degrading to children in general, but still disgusting.

 

I think all forms of child pornography and beastiality are illegal, and don't belong in anyone's porn collection.

 

So, in essence, what you are saying is that as long as it is legal, it is not degrading...?

 

Gypsy

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by gypsygem

So, in essence, what you are saying is that as long as it is legal, it is not degrading...?

No, I was saying, in entirety, that as long as it's legal it's not punishable by law.

 

Degradation is a whole 'nother matter. I am certain that depictions of certain people engaged in certain activities does not debase the entiritey of said group. A mexican donkey porn in no way alters the value of women who aren't engaged in sexual acts with a donkey.

[gypsygem]

Degradation is a whole 'nother matter. I am certain that depictions of certain people engaged in certain activities does not debase the entiritey of said group. A mexican donkey porn in no way alters the value of women who aren't engaged in sexual acts with a donkey.

 

I totally appreciate your view....however, it is my belief that all the sexual images on tv, in magazines, on porno flicks, etc being bombarded at us 24/7 perpetuate peoples' stereotypes of what others (men, women, children) are "supposed to do," and "supposed to look like."

 

I consider myself to be a very attractive woman, but recently felt degraded as a woman, because a guy I dated told me that my breasts looked pretty good for being real. And I am a VERY secure woman.

 

The reason I felt degraded (gender-wise) was because I felt sad that, as a woman, it was maybe not quite good enough to be real, unless you are attractive. I felt sad for all those women who are not so fortunate in the outward looks department. I think this is degrading to women, not just to myself.

 

Gypsy

[TazmaGurl]

"That's healthy? I think that if you invest your self-worth entirely in another person, it's no wonder porn is such a problem--I would honestly reccomend counselling."

 

Counselling would be great -- if anyone cared.

 

Its a dog eat dog world. Theres no easy solutions like that -- counsellors are paid to care, and even then, they don't.

 

But I apprechiate your honesty. Even though I disagree with all that emotional blackmail stuff. It sounds like you don't beleive in love, and so find an alternate way of making sense of these kinda things. Thats your truth, I have my own.

 

Anyway, I think I'll let my head take a rest from this kind of deep-thought... My head hurts.

 

'till tomorrow.

 

Tazmagurl

[dyermaker]

Oh please.

 

Just because I don't (ab)use love to manipulate someone into doing what I demand them to do does not mean I don't believe in Love, nor that I don't have it. I also have a decent amount of self-respect, and I wouldn't love someone who didn't love themself, unless I loved them enough to get them to a qualified (and yes, paid) counsellor.

[TazmaGurl]

like I said...

 

 

My view.... Your view.

 

 

G'night

 

 

Tazmagurl

[Arabess]

Originally posted by dyermaker

Oh please.

 

Just because I don't (ab)use love to manipulate someone into doing what I demand them to do does not mean I don't believe in Love, nor that I don't have it. I also have a decent amount of self-respect, and I wouldn't love someone who didn't love themself, unless I loved them enough to get them to a qualified (and yes, paid) counsellor.

 

So...if the woman in your life is so demoralized by you wishing to beat off on porn that she feels somewhat less than sexy....you are man enough to get her a therapist??????

 

How wonderful of you!!!!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Arabess

So...if the woman in your life is so demoralized by you wishing to beat off on porn that she feels somewhat less than sexy....you are man enough to get her a therapist??????

 

How wonderful of you!!!!

Wow Arabess, I'm shocked--I'd expect more from you. You took that completely out of context.

 

If you had read the discourse, you would know that I'm referring to the "rather end my life than end my relationship" line, in which, yes, if someone invested their self-worth entirely in my perception of her--or displayed other distructive charecteristics--Yes, If I cared for her I would get her a therapist.

 

[Arabess]

Originally posted by dyermaker

 

Wow Arabess, I'm shocked--I'd expect more from you. You took that completely out of context.

 

If you had read the discourse,

 

I did read the discourse. If a woman feels less than because her 'male person' decides to drown himself in porn.....how can she feel he loves her more than himself? It's one thing to engage as a single man...it's another thing to engage in it as a man who has pledged himself to someone else. Then there is a responsibility to'love' and all which comes with it. The first being in putting the other person's feeling before your own.

 

Granted.....most people don't. I think this is why divorce runs rampant....be

cause no one is more important than the person representing themselves.

 

I happen to think porn is fine. I don't care if the man in my life goes there. BUT....if it DID bother me....I would expect him to STOP. NOT offer me therapy for my insecurities.

 

I'd beat his A$$.....because I have no set class. Other women are just stuck with it. I find that sad.

[dyermaker]

Arabess. READ this:

 

"I would sooner end my life then end my relationship with my husband."

 

That's the ONLY time I mentioned therapy, completely detached from the discourse on porn.

[moimeme]

The first being in putting the other person's feeling before your own.

 

Does this apply to the man's feelings ever?

[capitald]

American society is so uptight. Either that or they are only slutty in private. Making such a big deal out of porn is what makes it a bad thing. Laugh at it or try not to take it so seriously and you might find it fun or not such a big deal. The people that try to demonize it worry me ALOT more than those that bathe in it.

Think about that!!!

[maza]

i only understand guys who are content from the inside , content with love , and not just looking for sex , what does it mean with no feelings . thats what porn is

 

Basicly YOUR MAN GETS TURNED ON BY SOME VIDEOS AND PICTURES (( BECAUSE YOUR NOT A TURN ON )) NOT as good as porn is , unforturnatly this is the turth everyone was trying to hide under nice words by saying no but he loves you , no but he blah blah blah .. he DOES NOT love you enough to be content and not cheat in his mind and his heart , MY MAN ADDMITTED AND SAID ( i have a good imagination) thats what its all about ,,,, watch it now , so i can think about it later .. and i felt like i'm just the means of helping him thats all lol .. not much really .. destroyd my self esteem and i gotta say i always thought i AM HOT , AND I MEAN REALLY HOT . he manage to destroy that by always looking at porn.

 

i have to admit , i still get all the comments from guys at work and everywhere i go. good selfesteem boost , but not what i want , unfortinatly i only wanted him to see me the same way everyone else did ..

 

oh well .. his loss ..

you know what you do girls if you get mad ,, get even .. they think they can cheat and get away with it .. if you can .. then do it .. i can not .. oh well .

[DaiseyEyes]

I know this doesn't follow the last few pages of comments, but I just have to say that it would be really great if the porn industry would cast some good looking guys. I know it's a lot to ask; good looking AND hung but I don't think it's impossible.

[Heather2004]

Hi I know this out of sequence a bit!

 

I was also a bit shocked to find my boyfriend surfed porn. I was a confused by it at first maybe even a little immature in thinking he wasn't into it at all. I spent a few weeks not exactly feeling insecure just a bit dissapointed I don't know why but maybe because he never broached the subject matter at all!

 

I watched some of it and I find it hysterically funny.....really come on folks if people want to part with their time or even more stupidly money then it's their lookout!

 

It's really just an escapism from reality for some I guess.....please do not take it seriously!

 

It is by no means a threat to your good intelligent self!......come on think about it.....it is so funny really!

 

I know it's a big billion doller industry and if that's people's cup of tea then so be it!

 

I do also understand that there are some more dangerous areas in the industry and it's not for me to lay judgement and that's down to the people who decide to produce that material and or get involved and it's their descion.

 

I do also know that it can ruin peoples' relationships and that some people have more serious problems and i'm not disrespecting that side of things.

 

But I do know as a female I am not intimidated by porn and that when I think about how hysterical and fake it looks.