little_bear Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 So my bf and I have been together for a little over 2 months. He treats me great and in general I am happy. The issue: he has me so high up on a pedestal it drives me insane. I'm human, I make mistakes, and am in no way perfect. He can get quite needy and if I say I just need an afternoon to myself to do my own thing or even just do my laundry, you would think I ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He tries to baby me a lot and acts like I am a delicate little flower. Definitely not me! I have spoken to him about this before. He said he understood that sometimes I just need "me" time but its an on-going issue. I want him to see/treat me as an equal and not as a fragile little princess he has to dote on. How can I fix this?? Am I insane for feeling this way?
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Encourage him to get some hobbies. Something he is interested in but you're not. That will allow him to put some passion and effort into something else, not just you.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Does he have his own life? Or does he rely on you to be his audience? If he had friends and a social life of his own, he probably wouldn't be so clingy.
Author little_bear Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 He has a demanding job and he seems to have a lot of friends. He will only make plans with them though if I already have plans with my friends. If he has tentative plans but knows I am not doing anything, he will cancel on his friends and ask me to come over.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 He has a demanding job and he seems to have a lot of friends. He will only make plans with them though if I already have plans with my friends. If he has tentative plans but knows I am not doing anything, he will cancel on his friends and ask me to come over. Well encourage him to get a more structured hobby. This may or may not include his friends. For example, me and my friends go to the local community center and play basketball when they have open gym for adults on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It's the same every week unless it's warm outside and in that case we just play outdoors. Perhaps something along those lines. Or, you could talk to his friends and get them to be more forceful when they ask him to hang out or do something.
Author little_bear Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 No, I'll probably just break up with him but thanks for the judgement John. :s
Author little_bear Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 So you're saying guys who treat girls as equals are jerks?
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 youll meet a jerk and cheat on your bf. its just a matter of time. Really?! Really?! Is that what everything is about to you? She wants her boyfriend to have more of a life beyond just her (aka a healthy relationship) and you have to bring the whole "jerks vs. nice guys" junk into it. Surely, if she wasn't interested in him she wouldn't be dating him and if she didn't care about him she wouldn't be here asking for advice. You really need to grow up.
glimmer Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 So my bf and I have been together for a little over 2 months. He treats me great and in general I am happy. The issue: he has me so high up on a pedestal it drives me insane. I'm human, I make mistakes, and am in no way perfect. He can get quite needy and if I say I just need an afternoon to myself to do my own thing or even just do my laundry, you would think I ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He tries to baby me a lot and acts like I am a delicate little flower. Definitely not me! I have spoken to him about this before. He said he understood that sometimes I just need "me" time but its an on-going issue. I want him to see/treat me as an equal and not as a fragile little princess he has to dote on. How can I fix this?? Am I insane for feeling this way? How blunt are you when you talk to him about this problem? Don't sugarcoat it, because he likely won't really get it. It sounds like you need a more down to earth realistic guy. You're not going to be able to change his personality (which is what it sounds like the real problem is) but if there are a few behaviors you can specifically tell him not to do anymore and he agrees to that then you might have a shot. Otherwise, this relationship will drive you nuts.
East7 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 So my bf and I have been together for a little over 2 months. He treats me great and in general I am happy. The issue: he has me so high up on a pedestal it drives me insane. I'm human, I make mistakes, and am in no way perfect. He can get quite needy and if I say I just need an afternoon to myself to do my own thing or even just do my laundry, you would think I ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He tries to baby me a lot and acts like I am a delicate little flower. Definitely not me! I have spoken to him about this before. He said he understood that sometimes I just need "me" time but its an on-going issue. I want him to see/treat me as an equal and not as a fragile little princess he has to dote on. How can I fix this?? Am I insane for feeling this way? Can't believe my eyes, so the guy is all over you, treats you like a princess, makes you #1 priority though he has his own life and that is suffocating you... . A sane person would find it flattering. Maybe you should exchange him for an arrogant jerk, you will feel more "yourself". Let him free to find someone who appreciates to be treated as a princess.
glimmer Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 There's nothing wrong with needing a guy to back off just a little bit~! The OP says she likes the guy but is basically feeling smothered. It's okay for her to feel how she feels. She should be able to come here and talk about this without getting slammed.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Guys who act like him tend to crash and burn relationship. They come on fast and back off fast. Tell your boyfriend to slow it down an build the relationship with a little substance rather than focusing on the need to smother you.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 code for dump. you lie. Hey John, get a day job. I'm tired of you stalking me on an anonymous forum.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 He's a baby. It takes people a long time to grow up. He's not going to change much in the near future. If you try to talk to him about this, he will probably take it as criticism, get all offended, and get even clingier. Sorry. The truth hurts.
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