kris-26 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 So long story short, I have been on here before. My ex is emotionally cripples and cut off. and says he is dead inside and lives in despair, self hate and guilt. We have kept in constant contact bc we were going to have a baby together, which we loss. I now have some serious health problems. At first he said he needed to keep talking to me to check in on how I was. Then he said he was poison to me and I still had a chance to be happy but couldnt if you was in my life. Said he cared for me that much you thought i was better off. So I said ok and agreed. No we went one day with NC and then this am he sent a text saying Hi....are you doing ok? I have no answered. Should I still be staying NC? I will say I have never ignored him . ever. so this would be a big step on my part. Is this the right thing to do bc he obviously has some many mental and emotional problems that will never change. need advice, Please!
broken-and-lost Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Hi sorry to hear you in pain of a break up this really depends on you and him first of all if you still want to be with him everyone can change if they really want to but the person has to want to help himself i know because i had problems and nothing my girlfriend said would make me seek help until i realised if i wanted to be happy and also keep her in my life i had to help myself and i did through concealing and self help, unfortunately my girlfriend decided to check out. If he loves you tell him to go get help and work things out or do what is best for him and go total NC if he refuses and let him work it out for himself, NC in general is just used to heal yourself and not help the other person, but if you go NC he may realise to keep you things need to change and he needs to sort himself out but until this happens your only going to get hurt good luck hope you'll be ok
Author kris-26 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Hi- thanks. he is in group therapy but i believe his problems are too far gone now. He said he knows he will never be what I want or need and he is only poison to me. but that he cares deeply for me. But I guess then why doesnt he move on fully? why still text to check in if he wants me to move on?
broken-and-lost Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 No one is ever that far gone they can't be helped right now he just thinks that, he probably doesn't want to lose you deep down, i know i didn't with my ex but you try and push people away as it makes it easier to just give up on yourself but really it's the last thing you want or he thinks he has caused you too much pain and is trying to let you go. It's a difficult thing to give advise on as everyone is different but at the moment he is emotionally not in the right place to manage a relationship with you just depends what you want to do, he'll be a mess and what he says will change from one day till the next
Author kris-26 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Broken and lost- I think you just summed it all up. He pushes away bc its easier for him to give up on himself and he abs thinks he has caused me to much pain and "ruined" my life as he says. I know the right thing to do is walk way which I have started. Its just so hard bc I still care and dont want anything bad to happen to him but he doesnt want my help anymore.
broken-and-lost Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 my girlfriend tried to do the same and i ended up hurting her more it's one of the biggest regrets of my life now that i'm ok that i hurt her and lost her all at the same time. I'm not sure what to suggest to you you could try being there for him without being there for him stay around in the background but give himself space but it's really for you to decide, its amazing you have so much love and care so much for him just try not to destroy yourself in the process
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