yolatanga Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 After almost 8 yrs together, we broke up 5 mos. ago, it was a terrible break-up as I stated in another thread. I was told to never contact him and to this day he will not face me. He walks out of a restaurant if I show up. It's pretty cowardly on his part. We've yet to have a conversation. He avoids me like the plague. I just don't get it. He sends me money out of the blue and tells my friends he wants to make sure I'm taken care of. He did that twice last week. Why do I have to hear it from others? He sent me an e-mail asking me if I recieved this money because I didn't say anything. He told me that I was blocked via e-mail and his phone so why would I bother. I responded that I was speechless and confused as to why he did that and wished he would tell me how he really feels. No response. That pissed me off and I told him that I will not play this e-mail game and that he should talk to me or not at all. No reponse. Whiile he goes on vacation every other week I'm left here to clean up the mess he left behind. So like an idiot, I sent him one more e-mail telling him how I feel and how I would never shun him like he has done to me. I also told him that he needs to seek some therapy like I have. I'm sure that made him more than miffed. No response. The signals are soo mixed. What does he want? He doesn't want me, but thinks about me and my financial well being? Is it because he cares or out of guilt? Ugggh, I have to stop caring and missing him.
PegNosePete Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Are you trying to get him back? If not then tell him you don't want his money or his pity or his sympathy and to take a long walk off a short plank and never contact you again. And then never contact him again, no matter what he sends you or says to you or calls you, just don't reply. He will get the message eventually and move on. It doesn't matter what he wants or how he feels or why he does what he does. The harsh fact is that he doesn't want to be with you, so you need to stop valuing his opinions and feelings. He is your EX.
Author yolatanga Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 I'm the confused state of missing him and wanting to slap him..LOL Typical after an 8r yr relationship? You are soo right. He doesn't want me. I don't think he did for a long time. I believe he stayed because he felt stuck. He eventually resented me for it. I have a therapy session today. I really have to move on. Thanks for the advice.
makelemonade1974 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I'm in a similar situation in that I had a terrible breakup - really emotionally charged - probably could have called the cops but didn't, etc. I'm also being "shunned" or ignored / avoided etc. And I also think he still has feelings for me (either that or he's a psychopath, which is highly plausible). If he's sending you money, then obviously he still cares about you, so that's a good sign. It sounds like he's just confused, mad about the circumstances of the breakup (and hurt, probably - this is what my friends tell me is the reason my ex won't talk to me - I hurt him too badly). Since he has made contact, I would just try and stay no contact for your sake if nothing else. That would give you the power. It's tough I know. The silent treatment sh*t is the worst. I read something that said "shunning" releases a chemical in your brain that causes actual physical pain. Go to therapy, meditate, take care of yourself. Things tend to work out the way they should in the long run, so I guess sometimes we have to let it go and be patient. I wish I could take my own advice. I hate not having control of a situation. It's tough. (((hugs))) hang in there sistah.
raincheck Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I don't mean to be harsh, but I think it's pretty clear that he just doesn't want to talk to you. There doesn't seem to be any mixed signals here. I read in another thread of yours that he stayed in a hotel for a month while you moved out- clearly wanting to stay away. I don't think you need to take his sparse contact and a couple of checks as "oh, what is he thinking?".. He clearly wants to avoid any meaningful contact with you and is completely distancing himself from you. It could be that he has nothing to say to you: all he knows is that he doesn't want this anymore. He doesn't have to have his feelings sorted out any more than that. We always assume that the other person has all these answers that they are keeping from us, but sometimes, they are just as clueless as we are. I don't think that he is thinking anything significant. If he was, and he wanted to tell you, he would just tell you. You would know and you wouldn't have to wonder about it. It's a waste of your time to try to figure out what is going on in his head or decode his actions. There's no need to decode here. He is telling you what you need to know already - take away your wonderings about his feelings and just think of it in action-oriented terms: You had a messy breakup and it's over. It's been 5 months. He is not trying to open up a dialog or talk to you about it. He's not trying to take back the decision. He avoids you. I would say, stop trying to figure out what is going on in his head and start focusing on you..
Author yolatanga Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Thanks for the input everyone. I'm back to NC. Last week he told my good friends that he wanted to make sure I'm taken care of. Whatever that means. Shouldn't he be telling me this? I think he says that to make it seem like he's this good guy. Well little did they know that a few weeks prior I went to his apt. because my creepy landlord was harassing me. I was scared and hysterical crying. He never opened the door and said he was going to call the police on me if I didn't leave. What if I was bleeding or something worse? I'm sickened over that. Even as I type about it my heart hurts. So a week later he sends me money. It's about him, not me. He doesn't care about me. I blocked him from e-mailing me now. I've had enough of pining over that abusive drunk. On a good note, I moved to a much better place with lots of men living here. Time to get myself out there. Spring is almost here!
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