shocked_confused Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Ok, so my friends and I had a little debate the other night about who pays on the first date. EVERYONE disagreed with me and I was shocked. I need to know if I'm crazy or not: In my opinion, whoever asks for the date should pay. So if the guy asks the girl out then he should pay, and vice versa. My friends say that if the guy asks the girl out, the girl should offer to pay so she doesn't seem like a greedy b****. But I just think that the person who asked for the date shouldn't even expect an offer of payment by the other person. My friends say that they want the guy to see them as independent, and I totally understand that, but I don't think that the guy would expect or even WANT them to pay the first time if he asked them out... What do you guys think? It's just something I'd like to know because I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago and am starting to date again.
Olivia1966 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I always went "Dutch" on first dates. That way there were no strings and no pressure for it to lead to more, either physically or emotionally. Of course, back when I was dating, both of us were always poor college students without a lot of money to spend on dates . . . .
aisle_seat Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Are your friends all under the age of 14? No offense, but I'd pay more attention to my gut than your immature buddies if I were you. Generally speaking, your philosophy isn't bad but even these days, my personal opinion is that the guy should always offer to pay, even if the woman asks for the date. Don't push if she puts up even a little resistance to you paying, but I think the guy should offer and definitely pay if he's the one who asked for the date, IMHO.
Author shocked_confused Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Are your friends all under the age of 14? No offense, but I'd pay more attention to my gut than your immature buddies if I were you. Generally speaking, your philosophy isn't bad but even these days, my personal opinion is that the guy should always offer to pay, even if the woman asks for the date. Don't push if she puts up even a little resistance to you paying, but I think the guy should offer and definitely pay if he's the one who asked for the date, IMHO. Hahaha no we're actually all 24 years old. All of us are women too. I suppose my post sounded like we were 14 because I referred to us as "girls", but thats just a technicality I need to get used to as I get older! Anyway, thanks for the advice, I kind of agree with you too. My friends think my way of thinking is old fashioned/traditional. I just don't want to come across as "greedy" if I don't offer to pay for a date that I didn't ask for.
Kamille Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Oh boy Shocked and confused, you've just hit on one of the most covered topics on LS. The general consensus is: there is no consensus. Some people feel the person who asks should pay, some people feel going dutch is the only way, others think men should pay for the first dates, some feel women should at least offer to pay their half, even when men do the asking. And there is no clear cut gender divide between those opinions (even though a few of our resident gender-activist might try to make you believe "all men" or "all women" believe one specific thing). Some men have said in the past they would be offended if a woman offered to pay, others have said they would be offended if she didn't, some women have said they prefer when a man pays for the first date, others have said they prefer going dutch. Bottomline? Do what feels right to you. In my case, I tried to be as overt as possible about my strategy. Example: at first bf insisted on paying for everything, I offered going dutch, assuring him it wasn't a sign that I wasn't into him. Another guy, I had asked out, so when the check came around, I said I would pick it up as I was the one who had set up the date.
Cee Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I agree with Kamille. There is no one right answer. Do what feels right. I would say that 80% of the time the man paid & 20% we went Dutch. It made absolutely no difference whatsoever in the outcome of the date.
somethingsimple Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I usually pay for dates, but I really like it when girls offer to pay their half. Of course, I decline unless they really want to. I don't really get asked out on dates from women. I wouldn't expect her to pay, but I will expect her to make plans for the date. Well, when I was in a relationship my gf would sometimes take me out, paying for everything. But I probably ended up paying for 70% of the time we go out. Never really experienced going dutch.
carhill Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 OP, for further perspective, peruse the 'similar threads' list at the bottom of the page you're reading this post on. This topic usually comes up once a month or so and is often contentious. Historically, I've always paid for the first date. That's about 32 years of history. Good luck
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Ok, so my friends and I had a little debate the other night about who pays on the first date. EVERYONE disagreed with me and I was shocked. I need to know if I'm crazy or not: In my opinion, whoever asks for the date should pay. That is the only rule that matters.
AverageJoe Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Historically, I've always paid for the first date. That's about 32 years of history. Good luck How much do you think that has amounted to? I suppose that is subjective to how many dates are in question over the given period of time. I have come to learn that I no longer pay for first dates. Unless women feel as if they are a commodity with a given attribute I don't see the benefit. I just found creative ways to go on dates without spending money. If a date matures I may adjust accordingly.
carhill Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 How much do you think that has amounted to? Unclear, but I can opine with good assurance that it was less than my exW extracted from me in the D; far, far less. BTW, that won't change my style. When I date, I pay and take ladies to places I can afford. Right now that's Chinese lunch special takeout
paleblue Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 i go by how things go. like if things are going good and its obvious we want to go out again, i'll just say how about i pick this one up, and next time your turn. if your date is being rude, split it and walk away. if its somewhere in between good & bad /up in the air /not sure, just pay for it and hit the road. seems to work for me!
J200 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 If I asked the guy I would INSIST on paying and if the guy asked me I would insist on Dutch even if I REALLY liked him. I am not traditional whatsoever and I don't like guys paying for me; I find it patronizing. I earn plenty of money and have no problem on paying for myself even if I REALLY like the guy. I take pride in earning money and providing for myself and I actually dislike guys paying for me.
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 OP, for further perspective, pursue the 'similar threads' list at the bottom of the page you're reading this post on. This topic usually comes up once a month or so and is often contentious. LOL there are 4 other threads with the exact same name Whenever I've eaten out with women it was always dutch. But I don't know if they were dates or not Why should I pay for her Taco Supreme anyways?
musemaj11 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 (edited) The fact of the matter is that most women are just natural cheapskates. Y'all can argue this and that but thats the bottom line, the root. Ever notice when you go out with friends that usually the men tend to be the ones who are the least fussy over paying? When guys go out we usually just go, "Here I have $20." Even if if his share is less than that. While on the other hand women when they go out they actually pull out a calculator. :rolleyes: Women are only generous to children. But they are so cheap toward adults be it men or other women. Edited February 24, 2011 by musemaj11
blackmagik Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I think the guy should always pay for the first date. I wouldn't let the girl pay even if she wanted to. Of course I am a no pressure pretty low key guy so girls never feel the need that they "owe me something" for paying.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 LOL there are 4 other threads with the exact same name Whenever I've eaten out with women it was always dutch. But I don't know if they were dates or not Why should I pay for her Taco Supreme anyways? Why would you have your first " date" at Taco Supreme anyways?
musemaj11 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 If I asked the guy I would INSIST on paying and if the guy asked me I would insist on Dutch even if I REALLY liked him. I am not traditional whatsoever and I don't like guys paying for me; I find it patronizing. I earn plenty of money and have no problem on paying for myself even if I REALLY like the guy. I take pride in earning money and providing for myself and I actually dislike guys paying for me. Do women ever want to pay out of kindness and generosity? Do you ever want to pay because you care about the guy? Are women really so self-centered that even when they give its still about them?
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Why would you have your first " date" at Taco Supreme anyways? Taco Supreme isn't a place it's a, crunchy, corn taco shell filled with seasoned ground beef, reduced fat sour cream, crisp shredded lettuce, real cheddar cheese, and diced ripe tomatoes
xpaperxcutx Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Taco Supreme isn't a place it's a, crunchy, corn taco shell filled with seasoned ground beef, reduced fat sour cream, crisp shredded lettuce, real cheddar cheese, and diced ripe tomatoes Yeah, okay, I usually have padthai and sushi.
J200 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Do women ever want to pay out of kindness and generosity? Do you ever want to pay because you care about the guy? Are women really so self-centered that even when they give its still about them? I have before. I used to financially support an ex who lived with me for two years and paid rent only once. I paid for his medical bills, car, some clothes, electronic equipment, books. I gave too much and I will never make that mistake again. However, me paying for my own dinner is not much $ and it is probably is about me.
blackmagik Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I paid for his medical bills, car, some clothes, electronic equipment, books. Hi there, nice to meet you . just kidding.
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