counterman Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 So I went to a massive party last night with over 1000 people on my campus, and I didn't enjoy it. I met this girl before the party and we ended up spending most of the night at the party together. She was very nice but I got hints from her that she was attracted to me. I didn't feel the same way, so I just got to know her without flirting. I got her number before the party, because I thought I would meet her and others at the party and just have a dance, and she asked for mine just as we were about to leave the party and I gave a really reluctant answer and she took the hint and left. Now, I feel guilty about this. She was being friendly and suggested several times for us to hang out and be friends. But, the vibe I got from her was that she wants to be more. Plus, I wasn't ready for the commitment of being friends and meeting up regularly. Should I contact her and apologize? Also, I saw several people making out and I wanted to make out too. But, I didn't try to pick up any chicks or anything. I just felt so empty. I wanted to but I didn't want to at the same time. And, I have never done anything like that before. Is it alright to go to these events just to make out with girls? What do girls think about this?
welikeincrowds Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Is it alright to go to these events just to make out with girls?Yes! What do girls think about this?This question won't get you anywhere useful. Should I contact her and apologize?Only if you want to have a friendship, which you don't. Your rejection didn't mean much to her (you're not that important, bro). You acted how you felt, which is great. She's a big girl; she'll manage. So I went to a massive party last night with over 1000 people on my campus, and I didn't enjoy it. This is what you should explore. I had trouble understanding why you didn't enjoy it from your post. After all, there's a lot of reasons someone could feel "empty," right? But I'm going to wager a rough guess here. I'm guessing you were having trouble connecting with the experience, and the people there -- you couldn't bring yourself to do as the Romans. You made it too much about yourself, rather than about the party. Am I onto something with this? Let me keep going as though I'm right. You say you were conflicted about your own desires, right? I'm not surprised! Unless they're thinking out a definite external problem, everyone defaults their brainpower toward imagining, assessing, and trying to fulfill their own desires. People think about themselves all the time. So the smartest thing you could ever do is make one of your desires a desire to learn about other people's desires. Imagine that, you'll never have an unfulfilled desire ever again. Because every person alive is just a treasure trove of desires, awaiting the moment to open up with everything they want in life -- in 10 years, in 1 day, at this very second. It's their favorite subject. Maybe you can help them live it, no? What's my point? You can address this by becoming earnest about connecting. When I say connecting, I don't mean "deep soul conversation." I don't even mean "making friends," or experiences that last longer than that moment. Of course, I do also mean all of those things. When I say connecting, I mean do as the Romans. Engender your curiosity. You will enjoy random encounters (and making out) with strangers a lot more. And, ironically, you'll get a better hold on what your own desires are. You will never feel empty at a place like that. If you're lucky, you'll be full of it -- hey, just like me.
Author counterman Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 You're right, she will manage okay. I just felt like I might have let her on by spending most of the night with her just getting to know her. Thanks for that perspective. I think what you said just contain a truth to it. I did make that party about myself, really focusing on something I wanted but couldn't get. I had expectations that it was going to pan out a certain way and was disappointed when it didn't. I didn't savour the moment, with the music and the people. I cannot say it isn't my thing because this was my first. I will take your advice the next time I head to big party. With regards to just making out with random girls, I do not know how to go about it. Any idea? I did see a guy walk up to three girls and asked them something. I don't think they were interested because he walked away soon afterwards.
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