BlindRage Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Every time I start to believe I can be happy without my ex I start getting the dreams. They sneak up on you like a ninja -or worst they are more professional-. I just woke up from holding my ex, begging, seeing her with the new person, her telling me she loves him and blah blah everything she has said before. She even hated me in the dream (just like in the real world). I don't like having these dreams and I feel bad. Does anyone know something I can do to stop them?
debtman Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I had those dreams almost nightly for the first 2 months or so and they were always either my wife or kids, usually walking away and I couldn't stop them, or something similar to that. The frequency of the dreams has decreased significantly in the last month or two since I started letting go and moving on emotionally. I've seen the kids adjusting to the new situation pretty well and haven't had any dreams/nightmares about them for some time now. When I was back in college, I did a lot of lucid dreaming exercises and it was very effective. As soon as I would find a "trigger" and realize I was dreaming, I would start flying! I was considering doing that again, but, as the dreams have subsided, I didn't pursue it, but I may simply because it's a great way to exert some power over your subconscious. There's a good article and breakdown of some exercises here: http://www.highexistence.com/lucid-dreaming/ Hope that helps!
worldgonewrong Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Every time I start to believe I can be happy without my ex I start getting the dreams. They sneak up on you like a ninja -or worst they are more professional-. I just woke up from holding my ex, begging, seeing her with the new person, her telling me she loves him and blah blah everything she has said before. She even hated me in the dream (just like in the real world). I don't like having these dreams and I feel bad. Does anyone know something I can do to stop them? I had the reverse scenario. I had a rash of these types of dreams about 1 year before we split up, constantly. Now that we've split, the dreams have ended. Weird. But my dreams tend to be more on the "premonition" side of things usually (no, I can't predict the outcomes of sporting events. )
Author BlindRage Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Thank you debtman! I'm going to check the link out. I was also thinking about trying out to see if I'm capable of Lucid Dreaming but it is extremely difficult in my emotional state. I also have hope that within a month I will hopefully get her out of my dreams for good. I hate feeling like I just got dumped and have heart-break all over again first thing in the morning.
FreeNow Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Lucid dreaming works well for intrusive/unwanted nightmares. However, some occasionally resolve emotional issues through dreams. After long periods of nightmare after nightmare (related to any deep emotionally charged subject) I have a few dreams of more pleasant content. I find that I awaken from these with more refreshed and with a different perspective on the feelings that triggered the nightmares. Nocturnal cognitive re-framing... lol. I have used lucid dreaming in the past and it's very helpful (learned how as a kid). I also let many nightmares take their course over a couple of weeks in anticipation of self resolution. If it doesn't resolve itself, then I use lucid dreaming.
Steadfast Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 (edited) There are a lot of modern (and not so modern) techniques that people use and incorporate to study or even control dreams. And while I'm not totally against the holistic approach, my advice is to be careful. Dreaming is normal, so taking an abnormal approach to dealing with them (IMO) isn't the best path to wellness. While they are normal, that isn't to say they aren't upsetting. Bottom line is, what we mentally obsess about when we're awake will usually manifest itself into dreaming about the same. It happened with me during my breakup; we don't often remember dreams but some of those were so vivid and moving that I still remember them clearly. The what ifs, the whys, the dealing with my ex's infidelity, her leaving and our divorce were all layered by the stages of grief, anger, mourning, and finally acceptance. The dreaming -more than anything perhaps- made me realize the importance of moving on with my life. It may sound overly simplistic, but the key to stopping them was forcing myself to think about something else. That's why so many will encourage the importance of a healthy diet, exercise, sleep and a balance of work and play. It is amazing how much even a little thing (like having a beautiful women smile or wink at you) can change our mood and outlook. At some point you'll be ready to let her go, forgive and start to move on. This isn't forgetting, it's embracing, and/or seeking, the joy that you realize is available to you. Think about something else. Rest easy. Edited February 24, 2011 by Steadfast
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