9Lives Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Well my ex and I broke up in August. It was our final good bye after 5 yrs of off and on. He said we was not getting back together so I said fine. From there, he was texting me monthly to see how I was doing or whateva. I was not responding until October. I let him have it for text me which was causing me confusion. That led to a major ugly argument. We both vowed to never speak to each other again. Come January, my birthday rolls around and he texts me out the blue, happy birthday. I thank him and that lead to more conversations. We still hadnt talked about why he was in my life again so I decided to ask him. I found out that he was missing me. Missing talking to me and seeing me but still not ready to be a man to me. I had to tell him that I cant do this and that we are going to have to stop communicating. He apologized and said he didnt want to hurt me and that he was enjoying talking to me and seeing me. I am soo soo happy that I asked him what he wanted cause I can tell I was about to get hurt real bad again. I love this man in my soul so I knew I couldnt play with him on this. Be careful when you are dealing with a ex. Make sure you know why they come back. Dont get it twisted!
0hpenelope Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Oh 9, good for you and I feel for you as well. You're going to get better from here, I just know it. You holdin up okay in spite of everything?
Author 9Lives Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Oh 9, good for you and I feel for you as well. You're going to get better from here, I just know it. You holdin up okay in spite of everything? Ohp, Im so glad you commented on this thread. Yeah girl, it was hard to do but I asked the tough questions cause I didnt want to go back to that unhappy place. I rather have a unhappy moment than a unhappy year or two. He seems like he was missing me and wanted to be in my life but he still didnt want to love me completely. I miss him but I want to be happy and that is what I told him. I cant do this or play with him. I loved him in my soul. I had to get it right this time.
aerogurl87 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Good for you 9Lives! Don't accept the "I miss you" spiel unless it comes attached with an "I want you back" clause. Nothing worse than working towards a relationship only to find out later that the other person just wants "friendship".
Author 9Lives Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Good for you 9Lives! Don't accept the "I miss you" spiel unless it comes attached with an "I want you back" clause. Nothing worse than working towards a relationship only to find out later that the other person just wants "friendship". OMG!!! you just said a mouth fully. I love the way you put it here. I miss you is attached to I want you back. Like I said, I JUST got to feeling okay about the break up and the next thing you know, here he comes. Being charming and sweet. If I didnt ask the question....I would have been jacked up again!!! :mad:
cerridwen Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 9Lives, I have a nearly identical situation! The ex got back in touch because he's going through a rough time and I was "always there [him]." We've been talking for a week. I accepted that it's over-or I THOUGHT I had. Old feelings started creeping back and with it, a little hope. Maybe he was regretting his decision? Maybe he realized how fab I am? Nope. He wants to be friends (naturally) but doesn't want a commitment. Had we not had that conversation, all my little fantasies would be at work, messing with my head and leading me astray. Thanks for creating this thread. You're 100%! Both people need to be on the same page if the ex reappears!
Author 9Lives Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 9Lives, I have a nearly identical situation! The ex got back in touch because he's going through a rough time and I was "always there [him]." We've been talking for a week. I accepted that it's over-or I THOUGHT I had. Old feelings started creeping back and with it, a little hope. Maybe he was regretting his decision? Maybe he realized how fab I am? Nope. He wants to be friends (naturally) but doesn't want a commitment. Had we not had that conversation, all my little fantasies would be at work, messing with my head and leading me astray. Thanks for creating this thread. You're 100%! Both people need to be on the same page if the ex reappears! Thank you. Yes you have to get a understanding with a ex especially if you love that person. I am very glad I made that move. It was a trail-blazer for my future and life. I ended it with class and intelligence. It was hard but why live in the a fake world. He wanted to put me in a box and Im too big to be in a box.
0hpenelope Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) Ohp, Im so glad you commented on this thread. Yeah girl, it was hard to do but I asked the tough questions cause I didnt want to go back to that unhappy place. I rather have a unhappy moment than a unhappy year or two. He seems like he was missing me and wanted to be in my life but he still didnt want to love me completely. I miss him but I want to be happy and that is what I told him. I cant do this or play with him. I loved him in my soul. I had to get it right this time. We love(d) the exes, but we love ourselves more. That's how it should be. People don't want to ask the hard questions and you did. I imagine that I'll do the same thing for myself. I'll just ask him "What do you want?" before he can say anything past "hello." I doubt he'll call though, because I think he's too much of a coward to contact me after what he did. Breaking up with someone takes guts, too, but for my situation, the reasons he gave me were just cowardly reasons. He had someone who wouldn't have given up over the petty things he gave up on fixing ("Why do you think I haven't had a relationship this whole time? I don't want to fix things." His words. ). He'll remember that I think, in time. I will never, ever call him. I will not be rejected a second time by him. I will never be a friend to him because we weren't friends before the relationship and there's no friendship to go back to. Besides, I don't trust him to be a good friend: he just bolted! I don't trust him to not quit again, as a friend. In fact, one of our mutual friends went through a 3-month silence on his end; he just completely shut her out. Lucky for him, she's a good person and forgave him. Later on, another friend in their group flaked on her and that time, I was able to give her advice because she understandably was tired of being treated like crap: "When someone wants to walk away from you, let them. Don't even fight for them because when someone wants to leave, nothing you say or do can convince them to stay with you. Just let them walk away. They have to earn their spot back in your life because they squandered that time when they had you." It's applicable to romantic relationships and friendships. We can be civil without being treated like doormats by people. She shared that with him. A year later, he and I dated - and that practical Penny hasn't changed, even after he left her. Guess who's on the receiving end of that advice now, immature ex? Your ex is looking to be a friend because that's what friends are: they're in your life supporting you, loving you, and when they miss you, it's okay that they reach out no matter how much time's passed since you last spoke. But he's no friend. So, so happy that you are an example of someone who stood her ground and wasn't ruled by her feelings. Thank you for staying around and sharing your experiences with us! But I think that your ex misses you, just not in the way you want him to. He's demonstrated that. He doesn't want a relationship with you. Those are two different things and I use myself as an example: I haven't heard from my ex. He's demonstrating that he doesn't miss me and he doesn't care about me anymore. I should do the same and I'm getting there. I just need time. Healing now, healing now! No matter what he does you know you're going to be in a good place. Forget about what he thinks of you, this time is all about you. Edited February 23, 2011 by 0hpenelope
Author 9Lives Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 Yeah I know. It was still hard. My ex wanted friend with benefits. he knows my heart toward him. The time apart has made me stronger and things more clear than they was before. I dont want nothing to interrupt my happy anymore. It my job to keep things good in my life. No I cant be friends. It would be so pointless. I wouldnt do that. As for you, you already know the game. He has proven himself outside your rel with him with other people. he has nike feet....run run and run. A future with a man like that is going to be pretty tough. It is best you leave well enough alone. Easier said than done but I have read lots of articles about friends and ex and it is strongly advise to leave that alone. That is why I just brought the darkness to light. Good thing I did.
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