xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) Something along these lines happened to me for my birthday last July, and I believe I've mentioned this in a separate thread not too long ago.. My boyfriend and I had only been dating for almost 2 months and been seeing each other for 4 months, so not as long as you and your boyfriend, but it still hurt not to get anything from him. But not only that..he didn't acknowledge it at all. Not even a "happy birthday!" text, card, anything. And didn't try to make it up to me. So trust me! I feel your pain..and then some. It sucks to get zilch on your birthday from your loverman. But here's some advice people gave me. Are presents that important to you? Are they the deal breaker for you? Personally I feel like it's nothing but the thought that matters when it comes to gift giving. He could have easily have bought you a $1 trinket or card, but do you really think that he would have put much thought into that? Someone told me that her and her husband don't really do gifts, and it's a mutual understanding for them since they're not financially stable. So..what money they do have, they use it to make memories together, like go out to eat, museum, just spending time together, etc.. I would soooo much rather spend a nice weekend with my man for my birthday than having him get me anything, especially if he didn't have the money to do so. So, what I have done with my situation was mention to my boyfriend a few times just how it made me feel that he didn't get me anything and for Christmas, Valentine's day, etc..I mentioned gifts and asked what he would like me to get for him, and mentioned a few things I would like in return (that were non expensive) while encouraging that it's the thought that really matters to me..the cheaper, the better if it comes from the heart. But like quite a few people pointed out to me, it's pretty petty to be upset over something like gift giving. If he gives you his time and heart, then what more can you ask for from the guy? No matter how much money he spends on a gift for you, it will not compare to those two things. So no presents on Xmas or V-Day? Wow that's incredibly thoughtless of him. Even if I'm broke, I would still make sure to get presents for my SO. I'm mostly not a gift giver, but I do think about making my SO happy. It's not even about gifts, it's the fact that if he doesn't think about doing anything to make you feel special that's the problem Edited February 23, 2011 by xpaperxcutx
Lilmisus Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 So no presents on Xmas or V-Day? Wow that's incredibly thoughtless of him. Even if I'm broke, I would still make sure to get presents for my SO. I'm mostly not a gift giver, but I do think about making my SO happy. It's not even about gifts, it's the fact that if he doesn't think about doing anything to make you feel special that's the problem Oops. Should have been more clear. I meant for presents in regards to Christmas or Valentine's day. Like saying "So..Christmas is coming up..what do you want? Here's what I was thinking I wanted.." I wasn't saying that he didn't get me anything for those holidays..sorry!
somethingsimple Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I think it should be commended that he remember and spent time with you on your birthday. While, I do agree that a card or a small gift will go a long way. I'm assuming, he told you he's strapped for cash and that you probably told him it's okay if you don't get me anything for my birthday. Here's a really important fact about us men. We keep it really simple. He probably thought it was okay, hence he didn't get you anything. If you wanted a card or even a small something. Just ask him. I'm sure he would've thought of something.
Kamille Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 If he is perfect otherwise, then I dont think a birthday card is worth destroying your relationship over. I don't see any signs that Kos is hellbent on destroying her relationship, far from it. She's sad and expressing that sadness, but she seems otherwise pretty secure about the relationship. K, I'm joining the ranks of the people who think you should openly discuss this with him. This is important to you, and legitimately so. I know it's not easy to bring up these kinds of topic, but you really seem to love and respect him, so I'm sure you'll find a tactful way to bring it up. "Honey, I was wondering if we could talk about something. I loved spending the day with you on my birthday, but I'll admit I was a bit surprised that we didn't do anything out of the ordinary? To be honest, I like acts on love on my birthday and it's important to me that you know this" (or some such thing). Then hear him out. (And you do seem open to hearing him out, unlike what some of the gender-agenda-crew seem to think on here).
aisle_seat Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Something special, something that shows he spent extra time thinking about you and what you mean to him, is not too much to anticipate for your birthday. Is it a huge deal? In the grand scheme of things, if he treats you with respect and shows his love for you in other ways on a regular basis, no; it's not. But a little something special would have been nice, IMO.
welikeincrowds Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 What difference does a cheap card make? It makes a difference to her. This dude seems to be on point Clearly he's not. No wonder men want to be single lol. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Why are you mad? People feel loved different ways. Some people really want to know that their SO put thought and time into a gift for them on a special day. Others DGAF, because they prioritize other ways of showing affection. Neither way is "right". Don't hate on this girl; she's not being mean about it.
TaurusTerp Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Psh. Please. If he got her a card or a keychain, the title would be "No birthday love - my boyfriend got me a 2 dollar card. Does he not love me?"
Ay Diesel T Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) Women kill me with this. "A little thought goes a long way" "I want him to show me that he loves me" "I want to hear him say he loves me" etc. You already know he cares about you. So why are you making an issue out of nothing...really..nothing...a 2 dollar card? L.m.a.o. Words and physical affection go a longer way than some inexpensive card. Some women need to be constantly reassured that her man loves her cause they're insecure, and this leads to the "he doesn't do enough/love me" complex. Anybody who was secure in their relationship would definitely appreciate the WHOLE weekend that their partner shared with them, ironically falling on the weekend of their birthday. Lol, that's a present in itself really. I wouldn't normally give a woman my whole weekend, I've got a life. But if it's her birthday? Hells yeah! Edited February 23, 2011 by Ay Diesel T
Kamille Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Women kill me with this. "A little thought goes a long way" "I want him to show me that he loves me" "I want to hear him say he loves me" etc. You already know he cares about you. So why are you making an issue out of nothing...really..nothing...a 2 dollar card? L.m.a.o. Words and physical affection go a longer way than some inexpensive card. Some women need to be constantly reassured that her man loves her cause they're insecure, and this leads to the "he doesn't do enough/love me" complex. Anybody who was secure in their relationship would definitely appreciate the WHOLE weekend that their partner shared with them, ironically falling on the weekend of their birthday. Lol, that's a present in itself really. I wouldn't normally give a woman my whole weekend, I've got a life. But if it's her birthday? Hells yeah! So, gracing a woman with your presence is gift enough I gather? What about her making time for you too? Does that count or do you imagine we women sit by the phone all weekend, living for the day men make time for us? Seriously, the op is not making as much of a big deal about this as you are. She is far from having a complex and no where has she questioned her love for him. She's reflecting on why the lack of birthday gesture bothers her, and on whether or not she wants to talk to him about it. Far from an insecurity complex. You're the one who seems must upset about all this, assigning intent and emotions to the OP that she hardly expressed anywhere.
GivenUp0083 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Yes he could've gotten you/made SOMETHING....a card, some flowers, a rose, something small that has significance to how you met/first date/funny memory... I'm tight on cash but I made a CD of songs that I thought my gf hadn't heard and would really like and she LOVES the CD, she always has it on in her car and I know she'll always think of me when she listens to it.....see? presents can help a dude out big time You have every reason to feel upset.
Lilmisus Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Yes he could've gotten you/made SOMETHING....a card, some flowers, a rose, something small that has significance to how you met/first date/funny memory... I'm tight on cash but I made a CD of songs that I thought my gf hadn't heard and would really like and she LOVES the CD, she always has it on in her car and I know she'll always think of me when she listens to it.....see? presents can help a dude out big time You have every reason to feel upset. I agree, but not every person has a huge (or any) imagination when it comes to gift giving. There are some guys I've met who come up with the absolute amazing gifts ever, that truly show they care and come from the heart. Whereas there's others, who..not so much. I don't think she has a real reason to be upset here at all. 1. He acknowledged her birthday 2. Spent the whole weekend with her while making her feel incredibly loved 3. Doesn't have money to spend right now 4. What happened with Christmas? Or Valentine's day? Did he give her an amazing gift then? I haven't read all through the comments so maybe she mentioned it, I don't know, but if he did, then what with three holidays all within a couple months of each other, don't you think that if he showed he cared for them that he wasn't AS obligated to show it to her for her birthday? How much loving does someone have to do to get the point across that they love and care about you even when they don't spend a dime on you?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I agree, but not every person has a huge (or any) imagination when it comes to gift giving. There are some guys I've met who come up with the absolute amazing gifts ever, that truly show they care and come from the heart. Whereas there's others, who..not so much. I don't think she has a real reason to be upset here at all. 1. He acknowledged her birthday 2. Spent the whole weekend with her while making her feel incredibly loved 3. Doesn't have money to spend right now 4. What happened with Christmas? Or Valentine's day? Did he give her an amazing gift then? I haven't read all through the comments so maybe she mentioned it, I don't know, but if he did, then what with three holidays all within a couple months of each other, don't you think that if he showed he cared for them that he wasn't AS obligated to show it to her for her birthday? How much loving does someone have to do to get the point across that they love and care about you even when they don't spend a dime on you? Sorry but I disagree if you're going to excuse his behaviour for lack of imagination, that's no different than letting him off for something that he considers a burden because of lack of interest.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) So, gracing a woman with your presence is gift enough I gather? What about her making time for you too? Does that count or do you imagine we women sit by the phone all weekend, living for the day men make time for us? Seriously, the op is not making as much of a big deal about this as you are. She is far from having a complex and no where has she questioned her love for him. She's reflecting on why the lack of birthday gesture bothers her, and on whether or not she wants to talk to him about it. Far from an insecurity complex. You're the one who seems must upset about all this, assigning intent and emotions to the OP that she hardly expressed anywhere. People really shouldn't be so demanding. Yeah it's a cheap card, but wow, he remembered it's her birthday. And...it's a cheap card. So what's the issue? Why did it bother her enough to make this thread? Dude spent all weekend with her. Again, what's the issue? Why? I'm not upset, I'm baffled. Couple of questions for the OP. Does your BF always spend his whole weekend with you? Did you two do anything out of the ordinary the weekend of your birthday? Expensive restaurant? He finally went down on you? Etc? If your answer is NO to the first question, and YES to any of the following questions....maybe you should consider why your boyfriend's actions aren't what's going the long ways, rather than some cheap card. His actions should prove more thoughtful and caring than the fact that he spent some form of money on you for your birthday especially since dude's tight on cash, sometimes even those $2.00 you have to make count when times are hard. I agree, but not every person has a huge (or any) imagination when it comes to gift giving. There are some guys I've met who come up with the absolute amazing gifts ever, that truly show they care and come from the heart. Whereas there's others, who..not so much. I don't think she has a real reason to be upset here at all. 1. He acknowledged her birthday 2. Spent the whole weekend with her while making her feel incredibly loved 3. Doesn't have money to spend right now 4. What happened with Christmas? Or Valentine's day? Did he give her an amazing gift then? I haven't read all through the comments so maybe she mentioned it, I don't know, but if he did, then what with three holidays all within a couple months of each other, don't you think that if he showed he cared for them that he wasn't AS obligated to show it to her for her birthday? How much loving does someone have to do to get the point across that they love and care about you even when they don't spend a dime on you? Agreed. Edited February 23, 2011 by Ay Diesel T
Jannah Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 His actions should prove more thoughtful and caring than the fact that he spent some form of money on you for your birthday especially since dude's tight on cash, sometimes even those $2.00 you have to make count when times are hard. Agreed. However, I think the OP is upset by it, because it is her first birthday they shared together as a couple. You can disagree with whether or not that is "reasonable", but at the end of the day, her boyfriend ultimately decides what is/isn't reasonable in terms of why his girlfriend is upset by this and what she perceives as hurtful.
Fondue Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 The fact that you expecting anything of monetary value for your birthday rubs me the wrong way. It tells a lot of your personality.
Author Katherineos123 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) WOW! A lot of responses here, I dont even know where to begin... Thank you all for your opinions, even though I think some of you are a little confused on how bent out of shape you think I am over this. Im actually not, it did irk me, Ill admit. But by no means am I questioning his love for me, or debating breaking up with him! I simply thought it was a smidge inconsiderate. We do spend a lot of time together, probably around 4 nights a week, including the weekends... So, him spending the weekend with me, was no grand gesture on his part. Im very suprised at how many people think that Im upset over him not spending any money on me... If they read, they will have seen that what Im bothered over is the seeming lack of sentimentality... Yes, we did exchange gifts for Christmas, and that was only a few months ago... but because my birthday happens to land in the winter time, I shouldnt be at all unnerved by this? I dont think Ill mention anything to him because I dont want to make him feel inadequate or guilty, as I do know he loves me very much... contrary to what some people have inappropriately contrived from this post. Edited February 23, 2011 by Katherineos123
Author Katherineos123 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Women kill me with this. "A little thought goes a long way" "I want him to show me that he loves me" "I want to hear him say he loves me" etc. You already know he cares about you. So why are you making an issue out of nothing...really..nothing...a 2 dollar card? L.m.a.o. Words and physical affection go a longer way than some inexpensive card. Some women need to be constantly reassured that her man loves her cause they're insecure, and this leads to the "he doesn't do enough/love me" complex. Anybody who was secure in their relationship would definitely appreciate the WHOLE weekend that their partner shared with them, ironically falling on the weekend of their birthday. Lol, that's a present in itself really. I wouldn't normally give a woman my whole weekend, I've got a life. But if it's her birthday? Hells yeah! I suppose Im of the belief that my SO actually wants to and enjoys spending time with me... and that that shouldnt be something "celebratory" Id rather buy something I know he would like, create something I know he'd appreciate, or experience something with him that would bring him joy. I guess Im not as narcissistic as to think my boyfriend should believe that my presence is presents enough.
Star_Bright Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I would be upset too. I think celebrating your partner's birthday is special and at least deserves a card... to me it deserves a thoughtful gift. (Not expensive. Just showing that he thought of me and wants to make my day extra special). I wouldn't be with someone who isn't thoughtful in that way. Then again, I'm a gift-giving person; I was reading about the languages of love and I think that's mine. I don't mean I spend lavish amounts of money, but with everyone important in my life, whether it's a family member or a friend, or especially if I'm in a relationship, I like to let the person know I've thought of them on their day, or if I'm traveling and miss them, etc. Since this is an important gesture to me, I know it isn't to everyone but I would want the person I'm with to reciprocate in some way, even a mixed CD would be awesome. I personally think some people responding are being silly by not recognizing that this is important to you and thus, it should be important to your boyfriend. On that note, I think you should talk to him about it so he knows it's important to you. Talking never hurts. I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you and he has different ideas of how to celebrate birthdays, which is fine. But if you don't tell him he will never know that it upsets you, and that will ruin the relationship faster than not getting a birthday present. Good luck.
Lilmisus Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I suppose Im of the belief that my SO actually wants to and enjoys spending time with me... and that that shouldnt be something "celebratory" Id rather buy something I know he would like, create something I know he'd appreciate, or experience something with him that would bring him joy. I guess Im not as narcissistic as to think my boyfriend should believe that my presence is presents enough. I completely get where you're coming from, and I'm personally the same exact way. I love giving gifts, whether I make it or go searching for them, since it's like giving part of who I am to them to keep whenever we're not together. The best gift I ever gave was a simple memory box I made for my best friend (who lives in Mexico now), and I put so much time and effort into it, that she cried when she opened it. Some people do the presents thing, some people don't. But though you said you won't say anything to him about it, I strongly think you should. Are you prepared to spend many more years with him and not get anything for your birthday for any of those years? What if next year came and it's the same story, what will you do? Will you say "why didn't you get me anything?" then or will you keep your mouth shut like you're doing now just to keep from seeming inconsiderate? Speak up NOW if it bothers you at all, and let him know that you're more into gift-giving than just spending time together. Some couples do the time spending thing..some couples do the gift giving thing..and some make an equal balance. Figure out what works for both of you now rather than later, since I guarantee that you'll hold a grudge against him if it keeps happening and you keep feeling this way.
musemaj11 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 So, gracing a woman with your presence is gift enough I gather? What about her making time for you too? Does that count or do you imagine we women sit by the phone all weekend, living for the day men make time for us? Isnt that what women always say that men spend money while women give them time and attention?
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