Katherineos123 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little under a year... My 26th birthday was on Sunday. We spent the whole weekend together and had such a great time!... Only, he didnt get me anything. He's pretty hard up for cash at the moment, so I understand... but seriously, Not even a card?! I havent said anything to him, and I dont really plan to.. but I wont lie, Im a little upset. Do you think Im overreacting?
musemaj11 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 As much as I hate women expecting men to spend any money, but I believe birthday is a special once in a year occasion. He should have gotten you something even if he didnt have any money.
Confusedalways Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Did he even acknowledge it? Birthdays don't have to be expensive.. he could have just even made you breakfast in bed or something. A card would definitely have helped... No, you're not over reacting.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 She spent the whole weekend with him and she had an amazing time? Maybe that was his gift to her? What the ****?
Author Katherineos123 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 well, we always have a good time together... so that wasnt anything out of the ordinary. He did acknowledge it in the sense that he wished me a Happy Birthday, and a little bit more than wished But other than that, no, not really. I dont believe that you have to spend a lot of money... or really any at all to get or create something for someone you care about on their birthday... especially since this is the first birthday of mine that him and I shared together. His birthday was in November. He really likes the blues, and plays guitar, so I got him a book with a cd, so that he could learn blues guitar riffs... And I painted for him... the entire birthday gift cost me $12, not exactly breaking the bank.
Ay Diesel T Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Oh my god seriously? Why are you looking for a reason to be upset?
musemaj11 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 well, we always have a good time together... so that wasnt anything out of the ordinary. He did acknowledge it in the sense that he wished me a Happy Birthday, and a little bit more than wished But other than that, no, not really. I dont believe that you have to spend a lot of money... or really any at all to get or create something for someone you care about on their birthday... especially since this is the first birthday of mine that him and I shared together. His birthday was in November. He really likes the blues, and plays guitar, so I got him a book with a cd, so that he could learn blues guitar riffs... And I painted for him... the entire birthday gift cost me $12, not exactly breaking the bank. Tell him that you want a present for your birthday. Tell him he doesnt have to spend money but you want something special especially since you got him a present on his birthday.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Oh my god seriously? Why are you looking for a reason to be upset? There's another thread where another poster is having a hard time making reservations for dinner with his gf... Yes, OP you have the right to be upset. I would be too if a guy I'm dating thinks so little of me as to not bother even getting me anything. ( I would even settle for $1 keychain). It's about the sentimental value of a gift, not the price tag.
Author Katherineos123 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Oh my god seriously? Why are you looking for a reason to be upset? It would appear to me that you're the one "looking" for a reason to be upset. Im not looking so much, as I am a little... I simply wanted to see if anyone else would have felt the same way.
Author Katherineos123 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Tell him that you want a present for your birthday. Tell him he doesnt have to spend money but you want something special especially since you got him a present on his birthday. There's another thread where another poster is having a hard time making reservations for dinner with his gf... Yes, OP you have the right to be upset. I would be too if a guy I'm dating thinks so little of me as to not bother even getting me anything. ( I would even settle for $1 keychain). It's about the sentimental value of a gift, not the price tag. Exactly my point... Ive been in long term relationships where we dont really "celebrate" birthdays... but like I said, this is the first one him and I have shared together, it just seemed a little odd to me. Get this man some construction paper!
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Exactly my point... Ive been in long term relationships where we dont really "celebrate" birthdays... but like I said, this is the first one him and I have shared together, it just seemed a little odd to me. Get this man some construction paper! Kath, are you sure you and your bf are really compatible? I remember a post you wrote on another that you had lost all feelings for your SO. Or am I getting my facts wrong?
Ay Diesel T Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 There's another thread where another poster is having a hard time making reservations for dinner with his gf... Yes, OP you have the right to be upset. I would be too if a guy I'm dating thinks so little of me as to not bother even getting me anything. ( I would even settle for $1 keychain). It's about the sentimental value of a gift, not the price tag. What the hell does that have to do with this thread? If he makes you happy, and you enjoy the time you spend with him, and you actually got to be with him on your birthday, why does it matter that you didn't get a gift for your birthday? He acknowledged your birthday, it's not like he forgot. What difference does a cheap card make? I'm not upset, I'm just baffled that so many women like to make problems out of nothing. This dude seems to be on point, but because he didn't get you a cheap card for your b-day you're upset? Wow. No wonder men want to be single lol. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Author Katherineos123 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) Paper, I had commented on another thread that I had been in relationships before where I had checked out emotionally well before we broke up... but I wasnt referring to the relationship Im in now I believe we are compatible. We have so much fun together, and he's incredibly loyal and intelligent, and tells me how much he loves... part of the reason why I thought it was a little odd. Diesel, you're right that he did acknowledge my birthday... and its not the pricetag of a gift, its the sentiment... the thought that he selected a card for me, or that he made one for me... to show me. I just would never NOT have anything for a boyfriend on their birthday... so its difficult for me to understand. He's not damned. ...yet. Edited February 23, 2011 by Katherineos123
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) What the hell does that have to do with this thread? If he makes you happy, and you enjoy the time you spend with him, and you actually got to be with him on your birthday, why does it matter that you didn't get a gift for your birthday? He acknowledged your birthday, it's not like he forgot. What difference does a cheap card make? I'm not upset, I'm just baffled that so many women like to make problems out of nothing. This dude seems to be on point, but because he didn't get you a cheap card for your b-day you're upset? Wow. No wonder men want to be single lol. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. You don't see the difference? That other poster is also spending the gf's first birthday together, but he's taking time and energy to plan something. I believe a person's action is usually dictated by their emotional involvement in the matter. For example, if I don't particularly care about my dog, I wouldn't put time and energy into feeding him and walking him everyday. But I care about him hence I buy the best food and dog supplies that he deserves. And you should know its not easy raising a dog, but I do it even when my means are limited. Edited February 23, 2011 by xpaperxcutx
heartshaped Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Well, I'd be a little put off..but then again, he is "hard up for cash" (not sure how bad the situation really is) and maybe he just didn't have the money to spare? Although, like you said he could have gotten you a card.. I don't think you're wrong for being a bit put off, but I also agree with you that it's not worth bringing up.
kimflute26 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 This piece of advice is the most important you will hear, so listen up: TELL HIM. Seriously, why do so many relationships and marriages fail? Because expectations between two people are different, and because there are resentments unsaid. I think not planning to tell him how you feel about this is the WORST thing you can do. See, he probably thinks you are perfectly fine with how everything went, and next year he may not get you a gift again. The reason for that is some people truly are CLUELESS when it comes to gift-giving. Some don't even believe in it. Take my boyfriend for example. He told me he "doesnt like gifts" but I specifically told him that I'd like to exchange them for birthdays and holidays. He agreed, and I received a lovely Christmas gift from him so far... and you can BET i'll be hinting at him getting me something for my birthday in April! You were probably raised to expect gifts - both giving and receiving. But he might have been raised differently... maybe his family doesnt really "do" presents or something. I could be wrong, but do yourself a favor and talk to him about it or else EVERY birthday and holiday will be another, "He didnt get me anything :("
musemaj11 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Paper, I had commented on another thread that I had been in relationships before where I had checked out emotionally well before we broke up... but I wasnt referring to the relationship Im in now I believe we are compatible. We have so much fun together, and he's incredibly loyal and intelligent, and tells me how much he loves... part of the reason why I thought it was a little odd. Diesel, you're right that he did acknowledge my birthday... and its not the pricetag of a gift, its the sentiment... the thought that he selected a card for me, or that he made one for me... to show me. I just would never NOT have anything for a boyfriend on their birthday... so its difficult for me to understand. He's not damned. ...yet. Honestly, it seems he is just not the sentimental kind of guy. He probably didnt even care for the gift you gave him for his birthday either. If he is perfect otherwise, then I dont think a birthday card is worth destroying your relationship over.
hoping2heal Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 It could be that he did not do anything because he felt sheepish since he did not have the money to do anything nice. I have been through this with mine and we have been together a few years. We had a big blow up over it. I realised how badly he felt that he could not do something really OTT for me, and while me was thinking a card would have been fine..all he was thinking, was that I deserved such an extravagant spectacle that he would look stupid doing something small. I know how it can hurt your feelings, but the way a guy treats you those other 365 days a year are the TRUE indication of what he thinks of you and how he cares about you. If he is generally thoughtful, affectionate, considerate, loving etc. There you go! I know we can tend to quantify things like Bdays as a symbol of how much they love us and care, but that is really not true. I had a former BF who went WAY out on my Bday & Valentines, etc. I can tell you, we were not as close and he never loved me as much as my honey bunny. It is understandable for your feelings to be hurt, but do not lose sight of the big picture.
Stung Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 He acknowledged your birthday, it's not like he forgot. What difference does a cheap card make? I'm not upset, I'm just baffled that so many women like to make problems out of nothing. This dude seems to be on point, but because he didn't get you a cheap card for your b-day you're upset? Wow. No wonder men want to be single lol. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Damned if you do what? Buy a birthday card? Simply saying "Happy Birthday" takes no thought, no effort, no planning, shows no sentimentality. The guy who sells me a wine bottle and checks my ID will do the same thing. Hell, my dentist sends me a card. The OP stated that while she had a nice weekend with her bf, it was in no way out of the ordinary. Most women, most people want their birthdays to be at least slightly out of the ordinary. They want their SO to recognize that they themselves are in some way out of the ordinary, and their birth/ existence has enriched the other's life. People have different ways of expressing themselves. I'm one who makes a fairly big deal out of birthdays and holidays and spends a lot of time and effort making the other person feel special, it's part of how I express love. That's a fairly common trait among women, and when it's not returned at all it can lead to hurt feelings. It's not just a girly thing, though: my husband isn't anywhere near as much of a planner and gifter as I am but if I let his birthday go without anything but a casual "Hey, happy birthday," he wouldn't be too happy about it, and neither would most of the men I've had relationships with in the past. It's not about money. Making some token, sentimental gift or card, writing a love letter, making breakfast in bed, calling friends to come over for a surprise, taking a romantic walk at sunset, picking wildflowers, none of these things is going to break a guy's bank and all of them are exactly the kind of thing that a lot of girls will sigh dopily over. It is about expression and communication styles, however. As others have said, OP, just talk to the guy about it. Maybe he's perfectly well-meaning but a bit thick in certain areas.
Citizen Erased Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 If my local politician can send me a birthday card, he could have done something. Sheesh. Of course, if this was a guy posting this about their gf, she would be a gold digging user that doesn't really love them and will cheat etc etc etc. It's not a dollar amount that matters, it's about making a little extra effort for someone you love. It may not matter to some of you, but it's very arrogant, not to mention rude, to berate the OP about something that matters to her.
Els Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 It could be that he did not do anything because he felt sheepish since he did not have the money to do anything nice. I have been through this with mine and we have been together a few years. We had a big blow up over it. I realised how badly he felt that he could not do something really OTT for me, and while me was thinking a card would have been fine..all he was thinking, was that I deserved such an extravagant spectacle that he would look stupid doing something small. I know how it can hurt your feelings, but the way a guy treats you those other 365 days a year are the TRUE indication of what he thinks of you and how he cares about you. If he is generally thoughtful, affectionate, considerate, loving etc. There you go! I know we can tend to quantify things like Bdays as a symbol of how much they love us and care, but that is really not true. I had a former BF who went WAY out on my Bday & Valentines, etc. I can tell you, we were not as close and he never loved me as much as my honey bunny. It is understandable for your feelings to be hurt, but do not lose sight of the big picture. Probably the best advice on this thread.
Lilmisus Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Something along these lines happened to me for my birthday last July, and I believe I've mentioned this in a separate thread not too long ago.. My boyfriend and I had only been dating for almost 2 months and been seeing each other for 4 months, so not as long as you and your boyfriend, but it still hurt not to get anything from him. But not only that..he didn't acknowledge it at all. Not even a "happy birthday!" text, card, anything. And didn't try to make it up to me. So trust me! I feel your pain..and then some. It sucks to get zilch on your birthday from your loverman. But here's some advice people gave me. Are presents that important to you? Are they the deal breaker for you? Personally I feel like it's nothing but the thought that matters when it comes to gift giving. He could have easily have bought you a $1 trinket or card, but do you really think that he would have put much thought into that? Someone told me that her and her husband don't really do gifts, and it's a mutual understanding for them since they're not financially stable. So..what money they do have, they use it to make memories together, like go out to eat, museum, just spending time together, etc.. I would soooo much rather spend a nice weekend with my man for my birthday than having him get me anything, especially if he didn't have the money to do so. So, what I have done with my situation was mention to my boyfriend a few times just how it made me feel that he didn't get me anything and for Christmas, Valentine's day, etc..I mentioned gifts and asked what he would like me to get for him, and mentioned a few things I would like in return (that were non expensive) while encouraging that it's the thought that really matters to me..the cheaper, the better if it comes from the heart. But like quite a few people pointed out to me, it's pretty petty to be upset over something like gift giving. If he gives you his time and heart, then what more can you ask for from the guy? No matter how much money he spends on a gift for you, it will not compare to those two things.
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