Terrier Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I understood a lot about my WH when I read about Borderline personality. A lot of things I could never understand about him made sense when I realized he fit the pattern. He also has a lot of the characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder (which describes WH's father who is, big surprise, a WH). Here is are the sypmtoms listed in the DSM (the psychology diagnostic manual). The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines borderline personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:[1][14] A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).Chronic feelings of emptinessInappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptomsThey don't have to have every item on the list but four or five is pretty strong. My WH flies into inexplicable rages, is extremely irritable, engages in promiscuous sex, drives in a way that makes no one want to ride with him and occasionally totally forgets what he has said or done (which is called dissociation). He has a history of idolizing coworkers, usually male, then ultimately deciding they are evil and have to be eliminated, career wise. The reason for the adoration is usually just as inexplicable and the sudden change to loathing. You can draw your own conclusions about that one???!!!! :eek:
NoIDidn't Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 BP males are particularly dangerous emotionally in relationships. They are the kind of men that suck you in, and then turn on you in an instant. They are the guy that every woman is glad to have gotten away from when she comes to her senses. But since I am not a psychologist and the DSM criteria is overlapping for so many of the personality disorders and illnesses, its really hard to say if I've encountered any unless they told me of their diagnosis.
Quiet Storm Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 My sister is a Borderline. She has every listed symptom. It is not subtle, though. She can't hold a job, multiple suicide attempts (at least 30 in ten years), constant drama, inpatient hospitalizations, bulimia, cutting, jumping out of moving cars, alcohol, drug, crazy outlandish lies...it is endless. You would know within a few days of knowing her that something is just not right. She becomes best friends with people overnight, showers them with attention, becomes all dramatic when they start to back away (the abandonment fear) and hates them with a passion when they realize that she is not right and stay away. Her husband and child moved across the country to get away from the constant drama. My parents have allowed her to stay with them and it is a total nightmare. They feel guilt because she was raped as a child by a relative (many Borderlines are sexual abuse survivors). Although they had no reason not to trust this relative, they feel responsible and allow her to cause chaos in their lives. The bad thing about BPD is that there is no cure. Medications have not really helped my sister. There are some that zonk her out and keep her from causing trouble, but there is no improvement in her mental state. Therapy just provides her with an audience. She's been in one of the best psych hospitals, had the best treatment available with no improvement. A high percentage of Borderlines do suceed in their suicide attempts. Their behavior usually eventually drives their loved ones away, and their abandonment fear becomes a reality. I hope that your H is not Borderline, because it is a terrible thing to deal with. For your sake I hope he is just impulsive and moody.
Spark1111 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 It is also possible that your h is another disorder, such as bi-polar, with some borderline and or narcisstic tendencies. Bi-polar, depending on the severity, also shares many of the same characteristics as borderline, minus the numerous suicide attempts. Bi-polar is believed to be chemical and hereditary. Borderline, not so much. Borderlines also split hairs all day long, making communication almost impossible at times. Bi-polars also ideate: Angry, compulsive, promiscuous, abuse substances, spend wildly during manic phases and then seem sad, sleep too much, eat too much, during the depressive phase. During statis, when they are at equilibrium, they are charming, kind, wonderful, caring people.
Author Terrier Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 I'm sorry quiet, it must be quite a burden on your family. Yes, your sister has it much worse than my h but he goes through some serious craZy spells. Once we were in the car going to a baseball game with my daughter and a friend in the car. We were looking for the exit and just as we got close enough to the sign to begin to read it a semi pulled forward so the sign was completely blocked from our car. H began SCREAMING at me to read the sign. Over and over. I was trying to explain that I couldn't see it , which was evident to even the kids in the back seat who joined in. He continued to rant that I REFUSED to help hhim. Five minutes later he was laughing and joking. I have a lot of these stories. Its not normal.
Spark1111 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I'm sorry quiet, it must be quite a burden on your family. Yes, your sister has it much worse than my h but he goes through some serious craZy spells. Once we were in the car going to a baseball game with my daughter and a friend in the car. We were looking for the exit and just as we got close enough to the sign to begin to read it a semi pulled forward so the sign was completely blocked from our car. H began SCREAMING at me to read the sign. Over and over. I was trying to explain that I couldn't see it , which was evident to even the kids in the back seat who joined in. He continued to rant that I REFUSED to help hhim. Five minutes later he was laughing and joking. I have a lot of these stories. Its not normal. Had he been diagnosed by a professional? He needs to be.
Author Terrier Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 I agree spark, but i havent been able to get him near a therapist. Sadly, one characteristic of people with personality disorders is that they don't see anything wrong with their behavior and won't seek help. If you do somehow get them to therapy,they don't make any progress for the same reason. My IC told me, based on eight years of talking to me every week, that he surely has either borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. She has been urging me to get out for years. I understand how you might see some bipolar aspects to him, except he doesn't cycle. He is really pretty consistent. He is just generally irritated all the time, and occasionally reacts to environmental stressors with really whacked behavior. He also does things that don't fall under the category of angry, impulsive but are just downright weird. He went through a spell a few years ago where he would walk by the offices of the young professionals who work for him and toss coins at them. They hated it. They told him repeatedly to quit. His second in command called me TWICE asking me to try to get him to quit. I think he finally did stop but he still insists that they 'loved it'. I could go on and on.
NoIDidn't Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Sadly, one characteristic of people with personality disorders is that they don't see anything wrong with their behavior and won't seek help. If you do somehow get them to therapy,they don't make any progress for the same reason. Very true. Their denial isn't even denial, they flat out can't see themselves or their behaviors. I did get a borderline family member into therapy with me once as a condition of me even interacting with them anymore. They lied during the entire session. The therapist called me later and told me her suspicion. Until that moment, I didn't know how to classify this relative other than "crazy". If I ask about that session or talk about it with other family members, they say I'm the one that went in there lying and make up other details that never happened. I don't think I could stay married to a person I found out had BPD and I'm related to at least two people that have it. I decline holiday invitations if they are coming. Its really hard to deal with. You must have an endless well of patience and commitment to draw from. Hugs.
Author Terrier Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Thanks, Didn't. I am just one of those people who doesn't know when to quit. But now that my kids are in college, I have the time and energy to take some time for myself, and this situation is going to end. In retrospect it seems crazy that I tolerated all the bizarre antics. Wish me luck!
Calif_hope Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Terrier, make sure you take care of yourself!
LSChic Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I struggle with BPD, among other things. I just wrote on the regular marriage forum about finding the right medication to control my symptoms. I find it's almost impossible to maintain a romantic (or even friendly) relationship when I'm symptomatic. I'm emotionally abusive and I'm a danger to myself (I've never been outwardly violent but I'll hurt myself). I truly believe that NO ONE with BPD should be in a romantic relationship unless they're in a very comprehensive treatment program. I currently see a psychiatrist once a week, a therapist once a week, and go to group therapy once a week. Sometimes I'll see the psychiatrist 2 or 3 times a week. I do this because it's the responsible thing to do. It makes me safer and it saves the people that love me a lot of heartbreak. Even with all the treatment and with medication that works, it is always a struggle for me to remain consistent with my partner and treat him the way he deserves. I'm very emotionally high maintenance. He gets that about me. If you suspect your H has BPD, get him into treatment immediately! 1 out of 10 people with BPD will succeed in killing themselves. It's a truly horrible way to live life and each day is like torture. You could never imagine the pain he probably feels every day (not to mention the pain he's causing you). He needs medication and therapy. If he's truly BPD, a good medication/therapist will give him a ton of relief. It's really like having the flu and then waking up without the flu. You're reborn. Get him into therapy immediately! And take care of yourself! Be careful!
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