brokendreamz Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I've just come back from a mate's house and we were talking about the breakdown of my (8 year) relationship when his girlfriend chipped in and said 'Don't beat yourself up too much, sometimes people just change - their lives take a different direction and there's nothing anyone can do about it' So do girls really just wake up one day and think, **** this - I'm going to do my own thing from now on?? Have you experienced this? Are you a girl who's has done this??
Ajax Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I don't know, but if I were your friend I'd start thinking about running.
layla1983 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I did that to my most recent ex. I will tell you though that it wasn't all my own. I had my friends prying me away to go party with them and of course other guys would be there. They sort of influenced me to do things with them instead of paying attention to my relationship. So to summarize yesgvirls do change but typically I think it's usually outside influences that are the catalyst for the sudden change
USMCHokie Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 So do girls really just wake up one day and think, **** this - I'm going to do my own thing from now on?? No, they wake up over a course of days, weeks, months, or years and think this...it isn't until after that period of days, weeks, months, or years that they actually do anything about it.
ShannonMI Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I've just come back from a mate's house and we were talking about the breakdown of my (8 year) relationship when his girlfriend chipped in and said 'Don't beat yourself up too much, sometimes people just change - their lives take a different direction and there's nothing anyone can do about it' So do girls really just wake up one day and think, **** this - I'm going to do my own thing from now on?? Have you experienced this? Are you a girl who's has done this?? People, doesn't matter if they are men or women, change. Sometimes it's for the better and sometimes it's for the worst. I dated my ex for 8 years and one day he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. I'm sure it didn't happen overnight (his falling out of love with me), but it sure seemed that way to me. It was a complete shock. One of the reasons he gave me was that he had changed and he just didn't feel the same way about me anymore. It was a hard thing to hear considering I hadn't changed and I still loved him to death. Unfortunately people do change and fall out of love.
january2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) It really depends on how self-aware the girl is, how much she thinks she's had to put with and whether or not she's the type of girl who will take action to get herself out of a situation wants she realises that she can't tolerate it anymore and has no choice but to get out. However, I do agree with Hokie that this is normally due to a gradual build-up of resentment/unhappiness/etc over a longer period of time and the girl reaches a tipping point that makes it appear like flipping a switch. It's likely, you may have missed the signs, she's hidden it well and pretended that everything's okay when it's not, she's tried to talk to you but you've dismissed her concerns or a combination of these. In my experience, relationships are about surviving the sameness as well as the changes. Incompatibility and thus breakups can result in not being able to cycle through these two states successfully. Edited February 22, 2011 by january2011
USMCHokie Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 However, I do agree with Hokie that this is normally due to a gradual build-up of resentment/unhappiness/etc over a longer period of time and the girl reaches a tipping point that makes it appear like flipping a switch. Yep. It's always about perspective. For her, it may have been a long time waiting and debating while things appeared perfectly peachy to you. So when she leaves, it makes you think that she suddenly "changed," because you assumed you and her shared the same perspective on the relationship. In combat, we call that anticipating the enemy's most likely course of action...
Rose T Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I've found that people can change. In my case it was my boyfriend that sprang the break-up on me after a 4.5 year relationship, citing his own "change". It's not a gender-specific thing! There are many girls like myself who are going crazy over men who suddenly "changed". There are many girls out there too who are very unlikely to ever spring this one on you.
Author brokendreamz Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 January 2011. Sounds exactly like what she went through - I was a tit, totally changed over the course of our 8 years together but have now 'Seen the light' and HAVE changed but it's too late. Must've been awful for her. We had it all yet I wasn't happy, always sweating the small stuff and have no doubt that I slowly but surely and comprehensively pushed her away :0( Feel like a ****ing looser and I deserve these feelings of hurt - she was perfect for me, so sweet, got on well with everyone but I ****ed it by taking her for granted. I'd do ANYTHING to show her how different it'd be but I guess that's life. After 6 weeks of trying I have to let her go and hope she'll be happy or I'll actually loose the plot! Could be soo different if she's just give me the chance to prove it, but she's scared I'll morph back into what I was... I'll never let that happen again, with or without her. Thanks for the insight - I think you just confirmed what I already knew deep down. God I miss her!!
january2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I know it's just words, but it's not productive to beat yourself up about what happened. Not dealing with the guilt can be quite a burden and it will delay your healing. You don't want to still be carrying that with you into the next relationship, do you? I suggest taking the lesson learnt and using it to move forward in your life.
Renard99 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I did that to my most recent ex. I will tell you though that it wasn't all my own. I had my friends prying me away to go party with them and of course other guys would be there. They sort of influenced me to do things with them instead of paying attention to my relationship. So to summarize yesgvirls do change but typically I think it's usually outside influences that are the catalyst for the sudden change The above is exactly what happened to my ex. She led a sheltered early life and wasn't really a 'party girl' but her friends pryed her away often enough for her to start liking it. After that she never looked back. Simply told me she changed and didn't love me anymore. From my point of view I just saw it as her having a girl's night out in the same way I had the occasional lad's night. Then she went cold, started treating me like a friend, then she broke the news that we were through. I think anyone can change. It's just unfortunate that, as january2011 says, "Incompatibility, and thus breakups, can result in not being able to cycle through these two states successfully"
Tofu Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 The above is exactly what happened to my ex. She led a sheltered early life and wasn't really a 'party girl' but her friends pryed her away often enough for her to start liking it. After that she never looked back. Simply told me she changed and didn't love me anymore. From my point of view I just saw it as her having a girl's night out in the same way I had the occasional lad's night. Then she went cold, started treating me like a friend, then she broke the news that we were through. I think anyone can change. It's just unfortunate that, as january2011 says, "Incompatibility, and thus breakups, can result in not being able to cycle through these two states successfully" oh my god thankyou, reading that just made me realize something. my ex changed exactly the same way yours did, mine was sheltered as well and always took her time at home gaming and talking to me online and on the phone, but during the xmas season when all her mates were out partying they dragged her out as well... during the early stages she was reluctant in going and didnt go to a few but then she finally cracked and would always hang out with them. i mean i was perfectly happy with her going out but nvr realized her attitude on me changed cos of it. its sad outside forces can change a girls mind so much, in our ex's cases theyre friends changed them in the worst possible way for us. *sigh* who wouldve thought wanting them to be happy with their friends could cost us so much in the longrun
fiat500 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 people "change" all the time. you are constantly developing different tastes and deciding not to like certain things that you were once into. how many people still date the people they dated in college? although everyone is looking for the same thing, relationships do not have much value anymore. they are so easy to throw away and replace with a sparkly new partner...until you get tired of that one. no one believes in love forever. this society makes it obsolete. no one wants to deal with a relationship getting predictable and stale. screw long term when you can keep finding shiny new things and never have to settle for imperfection.
Google1000 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 oh my god thankyou, reading that just made me realize something. my ex changed exactly the same way yours did, mine was sheltered as well and always took her time at home gaming and talking to me online and on the phone, but during the xmas season when all her mates were out partying they dragged her out as well... during the early stages she was reluctant in going and didnt go to a few but then she finally cracked and would always hang out with them. i mean i was perfectly happy with her going out but nvr realized her attitude on me changed cos of it. its sad outside forces can change a girls mind so much, in our ex's cases theyre friends changed them in the worst possible way for us. *sigh* who wouldve thought wanting them to be happy with their friends could cost us so much in the longrun The EXACT SAME THING happened to me. My gf was sheltered and was a goody goody, and then her friends eventually influenced her to go out all the time and next thing I know she breaks up with me. I honestly want someone to slap her and tell her to snap out of it.
Leandro Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 People change. Sometimes friends and family members can influence them. Sometimes is takes years to weeks for them to change. My change in a week. that's how long she took to think about breaking my heart or not.
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