brokenticker Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) Hi all... Well here is my story: After 8 months of a great relationship, 6 weeks ago it ended... At first I made all the stupid mistakes that we all know we can make.. trying to convince her to change her mind and it was not working and I couldn't work out why... Well my ex finally admitted her feelings had changed in early December... Now in November we had gone on holiday together it was for my birthday.. I wouldn’t have rushed into a holiday with a relatively new girlfriend but she was up for it. When we got back she said she was glad that we had done that because as a couple she felt so much closer to me.. In this time Christmas was coming up, and for 6-8 weeks all we did was sit at each others houses and watch TV I didnt think it was a bad thing to do.. but I realise now that that I wasnt carrying on the honeymoon period, based on lack of money... Well it was at this time her feeling about the relationship changed.. But in this time, sex hadn't stopped, we were getting it whenever we could get it... kissing and intimacy was still there.. the text messages were still loving and she was sending them off her own back.. I wasn't prompting her... I knew that she would be spending some time with her friends because they were home for Christmas.. We work around it, I spent time with her at family parties.. We saw enough of each other to get by in this busy time for both of us... But the quality time we spent together was not the same.. it was not my intention to just sit there and watch TV but I was naïve it was my first proper relationship...but I feel the relationship became stagnant.. and I worry she thought this was now her future... So I kept hassling her.. trying to work out why she wouldn't take me back.. and I kept retreading the same things... We both wanted the same thing.. we didn't want to settle down.. just to enjoy each others company and have as much fun together as possible, and then see where the future took us.. we did have the odd conversation about what our house would be like and when she thought she was pregnant (false alarm) she said after she found out she was not pregnant after her time of the month was late.. she talked about what it would have been like to have a baby together and it was nice to hear that from her.. though obviously we both were not ready to settle down yet... I made the decision 11 days ago to start no contact for my own sanity. The thing is with my ex.. she gets stressed easily with things.. she had family problems, her grandad was dying.. stress with uni, stress with work and her friends were not supporting her and putting pressure on her to go out when she wanted to spend the time with her grandad in hospital. All this was going on and this is when she decides to end things with me. Also she does tend to flit between ideas and what she wants to with her career.. mostly she just dreams.. I would never shoot her down.. I just supported her and let her dream... This was her only flaw I ever came across... Im not putting her on a pedestal.. she was a fussy eater these are the only little things that annoy me about her. Ive never been clingy with her, Ive always let her do her own thing.. we rarely argued.. and when we did it was over something silly and we got over it.. and would laugh about it after.. She said I always treated her so well... So I really want to know.. am I doing the right thing? I want to carry on No Contact for 30 days.. at least.. I want to get back in touch and meet with her not a date or anything just to start that reconciliation process.. I do believe that we can work things out.. and I know in the future.. where we can make changes to the relationship that we can discuss.. I don't feel I have to change.. and I don't think she has to change... we just need to communicate more... Should I try to reconcile, based on the fact she never ever wronged me.. i.e. cheating and I would never dream of treating her badly. thanks for your help Edited February 22, 2011 by brokenticker Missed a bit of the story out.
2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 (edited) Communication is a big thing in a RL but as you said you were naive about what was happening and maybe you could have done more etc but on her part was she not communicating as well? A lot of women expect man to read their minds and do exactly the right thing that they want, and when that does not happen they get doubts about the RL. I do not know if you are still on speaking terms at all? Maybe you could write her a small letter explaining that you realise there were some issues and you are willing to talk things over, and that you wanted to give you and her space and time to think, do not apprtion blame or apologise for anything just be calm and reasonable and say you think that it would be good to speak about things and try see it through. You can say at the end that you respect her freedom and her time and if she decides she wishes to move on then you will respect that. How many RLs had she been in and what age was she? 2011 Edited February 24, 2011 by 2011
Author brokenticker Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 (edited) She is 20.. so im guessing your going to say immaturity is a big part of it.. I think that myself.. She had two relationships before me and wasnt treated well in either of them.. she said i was the first to treat her how she wanted to be treated.... Also i did the note thing.. she was responsive to it.. but my mistake i did that just after the breakup.. which i dont think helps... i should have waited... Also we are on speaking terms.. i just needed to create the space i needed for my own sanity... So if i were to break NC tomorrow she would get back to me im sure of it... obviously im not ready for that yet Edited February 24, 2011 by brokenticker
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