giveittofate Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I've always been a pretty lucky kid my whole life (i'm 24 now) I never endured depression ever, high school was AMAZING, I got a college degree now have a job i enjoy, played college football, have great health, got an amazing family and set of friends, and just great confidence and am very happy with my appearance (I'm saying all this to state how blessed and fortunate I am to have had such great luck my whole life so far, not to boast) anyways for the first time in my life I've experienced depression, when my ex girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago...it was beyond hard to accept the fact it was over (not to mention her coming back around only for mind games it seems she was like pouring salt in my wounds) anyways these past 3 months have shown me a darker, scary side of life...no way am I suicidal, but the first 2 months I felt like a walking zombie, and NOTHING mattered but her, and she was gone. I still feel pain now, but not as severe and yes i still think about her daily. I always in a sense felt invincible with life because things always seemed to go my way, and I never really had to try for much....and you have no idea how hard I tried for her back and how genuine I was with all I said and wanted for us and our future. Despite all my attempts and actions to show my love for her it didn't work and now I feel like a bit of a failure and had a HUGE blow to my ego and heart for the first time. Do you guys really believe things happen for a reason or is that some sort of cliche people use to make themselves feel better? I will admit I was cocky at times and assumed things would always be a cake walk for me( not because i'm ignorant, but because they ALWAYS have my entire life and that was all i knew) I have never been a bad person, but i have taken things and peoples feelings for granted at times for sure....now I feel going through this traumatic experience life finally dealt me I'm more well rounded and truly feel ready to devote myself to a relationship 100% to make it work and put in the neccessary effort to be in a succussful happy realtionship.....unfortunatley i wont get another chance with the one I love (she wasn't perfect either to clearify and also had her share of wrong doings) Would you guys say that despite how sad and down I am now that this will help me in the long run deal with hard life situations better and just better myself all around as a person OR was this just ****ty luck and a bitter heart break? I took time off from hanging with a lot of friends who are "partiers" we live in a big city and i have a few friends who have the hook up at a lot of clubs and all where we get good treatment and don't wait in lines or have to pay for drinks and just get treated quite well...anyways I found myself distancing them from me because, it just doesn't appeal to me now (and most of their advice is just to hook up with other girls, but I don't want to, my ex was a virgin and i had to wait like 6 months, which i never had before to have sex with her, but it made me appreciate her and respect her SOOOO much and I just want a girl like that again), it's materialistic and to be honest 90% of those girls are gold digging skanks in my opinion...I've never been a hardcore clubber or meat head guiddo, but a lot of people I know are, and despite having fun in the past in those places, now I surround myself with more chill people and intellects i guess you could say, who I can just vent and express my want and desire for love and a true relationship..and just express whats in my heart and talk about emotions. do you think this is me finally maturing a bit, or possibly becoming boring? or is this normal to behave in different ways after a heart break? I just can't seem to get my mojo and care free, no worries mentality back and love for life....i'm just confused with why I'm acting and feeling like this....and i know it's only been 3 months for the breakup, but I never thought it would effect me like this. I just had to get my feelings out there...thanks for all who respond
2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Hi Well sorry to hear what happened.....and welcome to the real world! We are all going through similar emotions on here and going through this can seem absolutely hellish but for some reason it makes you stronger, more able to cope and you learn from your mistakes and make yourself a better person, and you'll be damn well ready for it next time if you know what I mean. The old saying "your best opportunities often come disguised as your worst nightmares" is never truer sometimes. A break up is a loss and a severe bang to the ego, that takes time to get over, it causes grief, hurt, anger and all the rest and it usually all happens at the worst time, when everyone else is having a great time and you also think that if this one thing was just right i.e. the RL with the ex you would be so happy. I tell you I when I met my now ex I was struggling in my new job, was still a bit low from being single all the time then things started getting better, I felt better in my job, was coping more doing more and feeling better than bang we were over,. I am still doing good in my job but this was one huge major setback I could have done without. Life as they say is a bitch! 2011
Author giveittofate Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 2011, It really is crazy how life can turn into such a bitch within no time...This real world stuff can be quite overwhelming, confusing, painful all at once..ha, I guess I was pretty nieve to just think I would breeze by life with pure happiness and great luck always. I take it as it was just my turn to get smacked in the face by reality and the "real world" and get a taste of depression and bad times...Regardless how lucky and great one's life can be i guess there will be atleast a few times when we get pummeled by a loss (death of a loved one. breakup, work world) and we can't just give up no matter how hard and unbearable it seems at times...but man, I just want to feel like my old happy, carefree self again...I know it'll come, I just hope it's sooner than later. I do know though once I fully heal, I'll have gained a valuable life experience that will benefit me down the road like you said and I'll be a more well rounded person, but damn what a hellish experience. thanks 2011
flow15 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Yes I can totally relate, and I'm sure pretty much everyone on this board will too! Going through this break up for me was like a life changing experience, I too felt like I was depressed for the first time in my life, all I could think about was him and thoughts of him and the break-up just consumed my life. I am slowly getting better....and now I feel stronger and more mature. I guess its opened my eyes a lot and made me learn so much. I know what you mean about going out clubbing, I'm not a guy, but my friends all just think that going out and getting attention from guys will just make me feel better... but I'm not one to go out and use guys to buy me drinks or to sleep around to make myself feel better. I tried dating, but I don't think it even works for me, not to mention the fact that I'm not ready yet, but guys around my age (23) mainly only want sex, but I can't sleep with a guy unless I'm in a relationship with him. I don't think you're becoming boring, I think you're just maturing and also it will take time to become your normal self again. The fact that you don't feel as bad as you did 2 months ago shows that you are improving, and I'm sure you will be back to your old self soon enough.
Author giveittofate Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 Flow, Thanks for the encouraging words...I'll always be a big kid at heart (it's just my nature) but this has definitely put a few things into perspective in my life, and that certain things take work and effort. I like your style and perspective on the whole "get drunk and hook up to feel better" For me that would personally make me feel worse and I can't be a hypocrite anymore (yeah I use to at times just try to hook up, but experiencing true love definitely changed my perspective...if I want a girl who has self respect and takes sex seriously then I must do the same...plus waiting it out makes it soo much more special) p.s.- you got a great outlook on relationships, girls like you will only attract truly good guys, and weed out the dudes that are just looking for a quick hookup....girls with perspectives like you are a rarity (atleast around my area), so congrats
flow15 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) Ahh thank you!! It is also rare to find a guy like you who considers sex to be special and who is willing to wait for the right girl. I too think its so much more special when you wait for it, I couldn't have a one night stand! Oh and I don't know about attracting good guys... I thought my ex was one, but I don't even know him anymore, seems like he wasn't after all! You seem like a really nice guy and you will find the right girl for you I'm sure of it. Edited February 22, 2011 by flow15
Rose T Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I can really relate to this thread. I called the whole break-up experience "character-building" in another thread, lol, but I really meant it. It's like the OP says, it feels like the blinkers have fallen off many different areas of your life and you're suddenly seeing everything for how it really is. Maybe I was burying my head in the sand a little with my relationship, and the break-up has forced me to see the truth of that, so now I'm becoming more aware of many other aspects of my life and assessing how real they are. I'm only 2.5 months out of the worst of it, but wierdly enough, I'm looking back on the last couple of months already with a real sense of pride. I was really down and getting a good kicking (metaphorically!) from my cheating ex who then left to be with the OW, and I still stood up, kept NC and my dignity pretty well (no idea how I managed that the first month, I felt brain-damaged from the whole break-up) and managed to go to work every day with my lipstick on and without half the office know what was even happening to me. I managed to get out two or three times a week, even straight after the break-up, and talked to people and smiled even though I was imploding inside. Only now, I'm starting to enjoy my nights out and appreciate being single, knowing that if I could get through this I'll get through anything. To feel so much pain, to plumb the depths of your ability to be hurt by someone is a crazy-terrible learning experience but it makes you grow, it's made me more humble and more sympathetic, and probably a little more kind. I'll never forget it.
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