JustEmptyInside Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Looking for some advice, as I've never felt this pathetic in my life. My story is posted in another one of my threads for any background. At times I think that i'm just being too impatient - I know that I need to give time a chance to work it's healing magic, but after 7 weeks I still feel like I'm slipping backwards. I haven't gotten a good nights sleep since this whole mess happened, averaging maybe 3 hours a night. After struggling to get to sleep at all, she still haunts my dreams and I find myself waking up in a panic with my heart racing. On top of that it seems like I still can't go more than a few minutes at a time during the day without her occupying every thought. Honestly I feel like such an idiot for not being able to work through this better. This is completely unlike me - I've always been the rational, level, strong one, but for some reason is still feels like I took a baseball bat to the stomach. I'm still trying the suggestions on this board, leaning on friends/family, getting back into hobbies, joining new groups, volunteer work, etc. - and these things are great for occupying my mind, but how do you get to the point where you feel like your heart is healing? I apologize for the whining rant, but I'm getting desperate at this point. This mess is starting to affect all aspects of my life, and it kind of scares the hell out of me. Maybe its just the way I was tossed aside for another guy, but all confidence and self-esteem got tossed aside too. Just outright isn't fair. I guess what I'm looking for is any advice from those who have felt the same. Its strange feeling out of control, where my brain knows exactly what I need to do, but I just can't do it. Here I am after losing the love of my life, completely destroyed - while she's out there living it up with him. I wish I could articulate just how badly I'm hurting right now, but I have a feeling you all know without me saying it. Anyway - any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
brokendreamz Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Mate, I know how you're feeling. I'm at a similar place and time frame as you. I was with her 8 years and she just turns round and says she doesn't feel it any more! Devastation - house to sell so can't go total NC. Nightmare. All I can suggest is carrying on doing what you're doing. Apparently time is a good healer, so everyone keeps telling me!! Don't think I've met him yet though!! I don't think I'll ever get the thought of her being happy with someone else out of my head it feels like I'm going mad. We'll get through it buddy - there's no other choice really is there. I'm just approaching the anger stage so I hope you don't mind when I say **** EM! Keep moving forward mate... We'll get there
giveittofate Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I'm with you guys too....I'm 3 months in from my break up, and she still is in my head quite daily. I will say though after 2 months the pain for me started to subside a bit...I still get punched by the pain randomly everyday, but it's not an excruciating pain like it was. I remember absolutely HATING my life around the holidays and thinking that life will never be the same or have that same meaning again, but my mind knows how ridiculous that is to think (especially being 24 and young)...you just need your heart to heal and catch up with your mind. I look at my situation and say despite how sad, and torn up I am, I at times can get by pretty well. I also look at other peoples situation like Brokendreamz and see not only was he in a MUCH longer relationship than mine, but he also has a house to sell and other stresses to endure, and he will get through it in the end and be stronger than ever, so why can't I? I know it's hard to look at our situation and take anything positive from it now, but for me I thank god, this didn't happen 5 years down the road when we were married, had a kid, a house, and built a life together completely....I don't know how I'd even handle that situation...JESUS, just thinking about it makes me sick...so I am thankful that despite my heart being ripped out and stepped on, and having her go from my true love to cold hearted girl, I've seen glimpses of light and that it was only a year and a half, and not 10 years with all the things I already mentioned involved. Just know true love doesn't run away from you, it grabs your hand and endures the tough times with you, to come out better and stronger than ever...and there's a girl out there that will do that for all of us in the future...just learn what you can, better yourself and when opportunity knocks again for a new relationship you'll be that much more prepared and better. I know I will. Good luck brotha
Renard99 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I'm in the same position too so please don't think you're on your own. I'm only 4 weeks in from the moment, after over 7 years together, she said to me that she doesn't love me anymore. I know 4 weeks isn't long but I feel that I'm still getting worse, not better. I'm fed up of waking up in the morning and not knowing how, or even when, I'll have a wave of emotion come over me and disrupt what I'm doing. I was watching the football the other day and just started sobbing, out of nowhere. What's even worse is when you go for a number of days without feeling bad and you think that, just this once, you may be showing signs of improvement, then, bang, it hits you even harder, like it's been storing itself away for the last few days. I'm also tired of being tired. The days and nights seem to blur into one another. Your brain works at a million miles an hour whilst you're awake with all sorts of 'what ifs' and 'why isn't she here with me' questions whether you want them or not. You know you shouldn't ask these things but your heart overpowers your head. It's enough for you to want to just fall asleep and forget, but when you do your dreams are filled with images of her. You can't get away. The knot in the stomach just gets worse and worse. Some days you don't feel hungry at all. Then on the days you do feel hungry, you walk around the grocery store and don't fancy anything there. Even when you do fancy something you buy it and can't be bothered to cook it, and then when you do it just tastes bland, regardless of what it is. You try to do other things to keep yourself busy but your brain still ends up in the same place. I threw myself into my job, trying to stay busy, but it was only 20 mins before I found myself staring out of the window wondering what she was doing at this precise moment in time. I write these things hoping to show you're not alone. I, like the rest, of us know that time is a healer and I think we've all just got to wait it out. We all need to be thankful that we are survivors of the sinking ship that was our relationship, and that we didn't go down with the ship. Ok, so we may be in the bottom of the lifeboat, badly beaten, bruised and battered, but we made it out alive none the less. We just have to wait for the rescue party to get here, whenever that may be!
Green_eyes Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I feel for you - I went through this a couple of years ago. I was with my wife for 13 years, we were married for eight of them. She told me that she didn't love me anymore. At the time, friends told me that time was a great healer, and although that sounds incredibly glib and corny it is actually true. Take life minute by minute, because the emotions at the start are like a roller-coaster. You can be up one minute, and down the next. Slowly, you will find that the roller-coaster will start to slow down, and you can take life hour by hour, and then day by day. You will probably never be "over her" because she has had a big impact on your life - but you will be able to learn to live with it. Yes, I do know how you are feeling - but don't let it destroy you.
Good Arms Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 "I haven't gotten a good nights sleep since this whole mess happened" "I find myself waking up in a panic with my heart racing." "I still can't go more than a few minutes at a time during the day without her occupying every thought." "still feels like I took a baseball bat to the stomach." "it kind of scares the hell out of me" "all confidence and self-esteem got tossed aside too." I could have written any of that! And I'm 3 months on from what was only a 2.5 month relationship (but it was my first)... nothing like the timespan of yours. But love is love, and until now I never realised how those intense positive feelings can turn around and kick you so unbelievably hard when you're dumped. I don't know what to say because I'm struggling myself, but YOU'RE NOT ALONE feeling any of this. I still feel rotten, but I suppose by degrees I'm doing slightly better at coping, for example I've been less tearful lately - I'll call that alone progress - even if I'm still thinking all those same things you said, and the pain and negative thoughts are constantly there bubbling away. For me it got worse before there was any remote sign of things getting better, so for you after such a long relationship, don't despair that you don't feel you're progressing - 7 weeks really is no time at all. We'll make it through!
0hpenelope Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I'm sorry to hear you're still in pain. One shouldn't compare his/her own stages of grieving with others as everyone has a different time frame. Yes, the feelings sometimes will get worse before you're back to functioning levels again - and it might take some time to even get to happy stage. It depends on how much you're doing to get there and although you're taking baby steps, every single one of those baby steps to recovery count. Point is, you will feel better. Best of luck.
screwball Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Be kind to yourself!! Stop worry about coping and just let yourself feel whatever it is that you feel at the moment. Better to let your emotions and feelings flow through you rather than fight them. If it's affecting your life, let those around you know about your situation. You don't have to spill your guts, but just give people a heads up that you might not be yourself. That way you're not worried about staying completely composed all the time.
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