elaina Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 To sum up a long story I am a self-employed business owner in his mid/late 20's that is trying to save face on my once thriving business that is struggling in this economy. The line of work I'm in is sensitive to economic conditions so it's nothing like it was a 2 or 3 years ago. I'm a single father with no help from my son's mother financially and just had to move back into my mothers house to try to save money to hopefully save my business. You are not alone. I had a work related problem last evening that stressed me out. Just to the point I was a little sad/angry and it showed I guess. Normally I don't voice my problems much. My G/F got psst off and said that I shouldn't let my problems bother me so much. That only women should let problems bother them like that and that I need to have better control of my problems. This problem was totally out of my hands it had to do with a an outside company that I deal with. I don't understand that. Getting stressed by work is not just a womanly trait, and to even hint that "only women should let problems bother them like that" is to me downgrading women. Women are perfectly capable of handing problems in a way that doesn't upset other people around them... actually I know women who worry for having their bills paid, but they strive so hard to try to not let their kids see their worry, because they don't want to burden their kids. About you allowing the stress of your job to show, I think it's important for both men and women to have an adult in their lives who they can vent to and can feel comfort from, and to me it would seem that your girlfriend, if she wanted to, should understand that. I think it would help you to relax and then tackle your job with vigor to have a girlfriend who would hear you out and then make you feel special. I don't see any harm in this at all. Wise women know that being there to encourage their man is a greater help to him than complaining about him getting stressed out by problems in work! So she continued by saying that I have no control of anything in my life and it bothers her. I guess basically saying my business is failing and she simply goes why don't you just get a new job because I don't feel your secure right now with your job. She just thinks it's that easy that a business I put so much into to just give it up and get a new job. I think we all know how hard is to get a job in this economic climate. This is all I know how to do right now, I never finished college, etc. so I don't have much too fall back on. I think she's scared. It is true that many women (myself included) would like the security of their mate having a good job. However, it is not your fault that the economy is having issues. Yes it's understandable right now it's hard to find a new job, and you should do what you want to do. If you want to stick with your career, that is for you to decide, because you are the one who has dedicated the time and initiative to make it happen. I feel very uncomfortable now wit her. I feel like I can't express or tell her my problems anymore. I can't just be some robot who acts like everything is okay when it's not. That isn't me. I also don't feel comfortable with the fact she says I have no control of my life. Trust me I'm trying very hard with a newly designed website, marketing campaign, etc. to save my business and it bothers me she doesn't recognize or understand what I'm going through. She even thru in sarcastically I hope you make it big with your company and rebound because if not I guess you'll be living with your mom at 50. That's very rude of her to say. Again, I think she's just scared and yeah wishes you had a more secure job. If she loves you though, she's going to have to decide whether to encourage you through the hard times, or go find someone who she feels more secure with. Many people who do make it big haven't always been at the "top.", but rather have endured times of difficulty. So, you're not alone with that. Hopefully, things will get better in your line of work, but I think the question you should ask her is if she's willing to encourage you through through this hard time, or if she wants to go find a man who is not currently going through a hard financial/work period. After telling me all this last night, you could cut the silence with a knife thats how bad it was. Then maybe she felt bad and said I love you and gave me a big hug. It's just weird to me and I think it maybe a problem with us if she doesn't start to see and respect that I'm trying as hard as I can. This all can ruin the relationship I think. I do think that you should ask her what she truly wants with you, and if she has it in her heart to encourage you during this low time, and understand that you are human too, and that men do appreciate someone encouraging them too when they have difficulties in their work.
elaina Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) I think one of the greatest things about a male/female relationship is sharing some of the difficult decisions/times we have. I would LOVE it if some man complained to me about a difficult time at work, because of course, it makes him more human and us feel more that we care for each other. So, I find it hard to understand why she is being so dismissive. Totally agree with this post. I also tend to think the saying "behind/beside every great man is a great woman." is true in that with heterosexual couples, it's awesome for a man to have the support and encouragement of a great woman. Men would be lost without us lol. And yeah ok ok, we'd be lost without them too. There's a reason many men and many women need each other, and it's more than just sex or reproduction! Edited February 23, 2011 by elaina
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