teamtrek15 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 To sum up a long story I am a self-employed business owner in his mid/late 20's that is trying to save face on my once thriving business that is struggling in this economy. The line of work I'm in is sensitive to economic conditions so it's nothing like it was a 2 or 3 years ago. I'm a single father with no help from my son's mother financially and just had to move back into my mothers house to try to save money to hopefully save my business. I had a work related problem last evening that stressed me out. Just to the point I was a little sad/angry and it showed I guess. Normally I don't voice my problems much. My G/F got psst off and said that I shouldn't let my problems bother me so much. That only women should let problems bother them like that and that I need to have better control of my problems. This problem was totally out of my hands it had to do with a an outside company that I deal with. So she continued by saying that I have no control of anything in my life and it bothers her. I guess basically saying my business is failing and she simply goes why don't you just get a new job because I don't feel your secure right now with your job. She just thinks it's that easy that a business I put so much into to just give it up and get a new job. I think we all know how hard is to get a job in this economic climate. This is all I know how to do right now, I never finished college, etc. so I don't have much too fall back on. I feel very uncomfortable now wit her. I feel like I can't express or tell her my problems anymore. I can't just be some robot who acts like everything is okay when it's not. That isn't me. I also don't feel comfortable with the fact she says I have no control of my life. Trust me I'm trying very hard with a newly designed website, marketing campaign, etc. to save my business and it bothers me she doesn't recognize or understand what I'm going through. She even thru in sarcastically I hope you make it big with your company and rebound because if not I guess you'll be living with your mom at 50. After telling me all this last night, you could cut the silence with a knife thats how bad it was. Then maybe she felt bad and said I love you and gave me a big hug. It's just weird to me and I think it maybe a problem with us if she doesn't start to see and respect that I'm trying as hard as I can. This all can ruin the relationship I think.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 From her perspective the desirable things you once had (money, thriving business, independence, no stress) are gone, and being replaced by the new reality of a harsh economy. She is probably re-thinking the relationship since you don't have your **** together right now. There are good reasons for her to feel this way and suggest you find another job. You have a son to look out for and your son needs a dad who can financially support him. She is probably worried too that she will be stuck with a bum man that wallows in his problems and doesn't do anything about them. Does she have a job? I am curious because you didn't mention if she did or not. On your side, things aren't going so well and you are trying to trim the fat as much as you can. You need emotional support at at time like this and you feel like she is being cold and callous telling you to stuff your problems when you need someone to talk to. She is not meeting your emotional needs. I lost my job cause of the economy and my stbxH wasn't as supportive or nice as he should have been about it, and it caused more problems in the relationship... notice I said stbxH... Yeah, I think you need to look for another job on the side to help care for you son and ALSO for yourself. Don't do it for her so much... I am starting to think if she really cares about you. If she cared she would be supportive and try to help you find jobs AND listen when you are having a hard time. It sounds like she might be mentally checking out of the relationship... which is unfortunately common when one partner has financial troubles.
Author teamtrek15 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 From her perspective the desirable things you once had (money, thriving business, independence, no stress) are gone, and being replaced by the new reality of a harsh economy. She is probably re-thinking the relationship since you don't have your **** together right now. There are good reasons for her to feel this way and suggest you find another job. You have a son to look out for and your son needs a dad who can financially support him. She is probably worried too that she will be stuck with a bum man that wallows in his problems and doesn't do anything about them. Does she have a job? I am curious because you didn't mention if she did or not. On your side, things aren't going so well and you are trying to trim the fat as much as you can. You need emotional support at at time like this and you feel like she is being cold and callous telling you to stuff your problems when you need someone to talk to. She is not meeting your emotional needs. I lost my job cause of the economy and my stbxH wasn't as supportive or nice as he should have been about it, and it caused more problems in the relationship... notice I said stbxH... Yeah, I think you need to look for another job on the side to help care for you son and ALSO for yourself. Don't do it for her so much... I am starting to think if she really cares about you. If she cared she would be supportive and try to help you find jobs AND listen when you are having a hard time. It sounds like she might be mentally checking out of the relationship... which is unfortunately common when one partner has financial troubles. the funny thing is she wasn't with me when the business was thriving...we met 6 months ago but things were brighter than they are now that's for sure. yes she does work, she's a retail manager for a pretty big corporation.
East7 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Trust me I'm trying very hard with a newly designed website, marketing campaign, etc. to save my business and it bothers me she doesn't recognize or understand what I'm going through. She even thru in sarcastically I hope you make it big with your company and rebound because if not I guess you'll be living with your mom at 50. Some women are very realistic and can be coaching partners to make you a better man, some of them are very controlling and disrespectful about your issues. A GF who really loves you shouldn't despise your work. It is a question of balancing between advice and controlling. I guess she is mostly controlling.
irc333 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 She doesn't sound like a good catch, that's a sure sign she doesn't care about your sitaution, Dr Phil actually did a show on men who were strugging due the economy, and women wanting to bail when the going got tough. To sum up a long story I am a self-employed business owner in his mid/late 20's that is trying to save face on my once thriving business that is struggling in this economy. The line of work I'm in is sensitive to economic conditions so it's nothing like it was a 2 or 3 years ago. I'm a single father with no help from my son's mother financially and just had to move back into my mothers house to try to save money to hopefully save my business. I had a work related problem last evening that stressed me out. Just to the point I was a little sad/angry and it showed I guess. Normally I don't voice my problems much. My G/F got psst off and said that I shouldn't let my problems bother me so much. That only women should let problems bother them like that and that I need to have better control of my problems. This problem was totally out of my hands it had to do with a an outside company that I deal with. So she continued by saying that I have no control of anything in my life and it bothers her. I guess basically saying my business is failing and she simply goes why don't you just get a new job because I don't feel your secure right now with your job. She just thinks it's that easy that a business I put so much into to just give it up and get a new job. I think we all know how hard is to get a job in this economic climate. This is all I know how to do right now, I never finished college, etc. so I don't have much too fall back on. I feel very uncomfortable now wit her. I feel like I can't express or tell her my problems anymore. I can't just be some robot who acts like everything is okay when it's not. That isn't me. I also don't feel comfortable with the fact she says I have no control of my life. Trust me I'm trying very hard with a newly designed website, marketing campaign, etc. to save my business and it bothers me she doesn't recognize or understand what I'm going through. She even thru in sarcastically I hope you make it big with your company and rebound because if not I guess you'll be living with your mom at 50. After telling me all this last night, you could cut the silence with a knife thats how bad it was. Then maybe she felt bad and said I love you and gave me a big hug. It's just weird to me and I think it maybe a problem with us if she doesn't start to see and respect that I'm trying as hard as I can. This all can ruin the relationship I think.
GorillaTheater Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Normally I don't voice my problems much. My G/F got psst off and said that I shouldn't let my problems bother me so much. That only women should let problems bother them like that and that I need to have better control of my problems. .... I feel very uncomfortable now wit her. I feel like I can't express or tell her my problems anymore. I can't just be some robot who acts like everything is okay when it's not. That isn't me. This is a big deal to me, and I know exactly what you mean. I went through some issues recently regarding an assault on my daughter and the active desire I had of literally killing the person responsible. I shared those thoughts with my wife, and it turned out to be a big mistake. Her response was essentially that I needed to forgive, just as she had forgiven some of my screw-ups. Which made we wonder if they were indeed forgiven, but that's another topic. I'm pretty stoic, and don't share my feelings too often. I already knew that she wasn't that interested in hearing about them. But the one time I could have really used someone to talk through my feelings, I find out that that someone is probably not her. This after 27 years of marriage. So, either I accept that or I don't. I've chosen acceptance. I wouldn't blame you a bit for choosing differently.
sally4sara Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I had a work related problem last evening that stressed me out. Just to the point I was a little sad/angry and it showed I guess. Normally I don't voice my problems much. My G/F got psst off and said that I shouldn't let my problems bother me so much. That only women should let problems bother them like that and that I need to have better control of my problems. This problem was totally out of my hands it had to do with a an outside company that I deal with. So she continued by saying that I have no control of anything in my life and it bothers her. I guess basically saying my business is failing and she simply goes why don't you just get a new job because I don't feel your secure right now with your job. She just thinks it's that easy that a business I put so much into to just give it up and get a new job. This all can ruin the relationship I think. Indeed. She is not likely to be a good partner so if it ends - what will you really be losing out on? More time wasted that could have been spent with a better person. You should tell her that this relationship is failing and the advise she gave you was so wise that you've decided to apply it and just go out and get a better GF.
samspade Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Whether you are enjoying your path in life or not is for you to decide, not your girlfriend. A woman should only ever be an addition to a man's life - not its center.
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 She doesn't seem too supportive, understanding or loving. Umm, only women are allowed to vent about their day and let stuff get to them? I didn't know that one! Which rule book is she referring to? The high and mighty one in her own head? Bottomline is, if she makes you feel worthless, uncomfortable and not appreciated, break up with her.
SingVoice Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Having once been in a similar situation...let me share. Is it REALLY only the financial situation that has changed? I think many of us women have been with a man who for a period of time was "unemployed" or "struggling." It can REALLY take a toll on a man's self esteem and self worth...which of course then takes it's toll on the relationship. I'm not saying that you are at fault at all...but is it really just the money that has changed? Have you treated her differently? Have you been less motivated to do things for her? Because if so...she might be pushing you to get a different job because she thinks THAT is what you NEED to be "yourself" again. Or maybe she see's that you are miserable and just really wants you to be happy. To be honest...she is probably frustrated. I might be totally off base here...but just some thoughts!
mtber75 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 From her perspective the desirable things you once had (money, thriving business, independence, no stress) are gone, and being replaced by the new reality of a harsh economy. She is probably re-thinking the relationship since you don't have your **** together right now. There are good reasons for her to feel this way and suggest you find another job. You have a son to look out for and your son needs a dad who can financially support him. She is probably worried too that she will be stuck with a bum man that wallows in his problems and doesn't do anything about them. Does she have a job? I am curious because you didn't mention if she did or not. On your side, things aren't going so well and you are trying to trim the fat as much as you can. You need emotional support at at time like this and you feel like she is being cold and callous telling you to stuff your problems when you need someone to talk to. She is not meeting your emotional needs. I lost my job cause of the economy and my stbxH wasn't as supportive or nice as he should have been about it, and it caused more problems in the relationship... notice I said stbxH... Yeah, I think you need to look for another job on the side to help care for you son and ALSO for yourself. Don't do it for her so much... I am starting to think if she really cares about you. If she cared she would be supportive and try to help you find jobs AND listen when you are having a hard time. It sounds like she might be mentally checking out of the relationship... which is unfortunately common when one partner has financial troubles. GEEZ...What happen to being a supportive partner especially a woman? He knows all the problems. He doesn't need her to bitch about them. Some encouragement will be nice! I think she's trying to say "man up" and deal with it?
jane100 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I think one of the greatest things about a male/female relationship is sharing some of the difficult decisions/times we have. I would LOVE it if some man complained to me about a difficult time at work, because of course, it makes him more human and us feel more that we care for each other. So, I find it hard to understand why she is being so dismissive.
Author teamtrek15 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 I think one of the greatest things about a male/female relationship is sharing some of the difficult decisions/times we have. I would LOVE it if some man complained to me about a difficult time at work, because of course, it makes him more human and us feel more that we care for each other. So, I find it hard to understand why she is being so dismissive. thank you. actually thanka ll of you for all of your opinions, thoughts, encouragment, etc. i guess I have some thinking to do if this is going to work for me. Sitting here reading all of your posts made me think my company was here before she was in the picture and it is very capable of being here after her! I believe in my company and if it fails, it fails but at least I'm going to try 100% to save it with or without her. If it doesn't work out I find a plan B or C which is go back go school or find a different job, etc.. But I'm not questioning my current career choice for her anybody else for that matter. I love my job and wouldn't change it for the world but it's been financially rough the past 4 or 5 months I just have to get it back like it used to be! I have to think about if I want this person to join me on this journey of life. It's funny because last night she asked me for $$ to get her hair done and half-jokingly I said no b/c I know I'm sinking a lot of my $$$ into my company over the next month (mind you sometimes i give her $$ for things like this.) She took it seriously as a NO. So she text me before saying she has her own $$ and shouldn't be expecting me to pay for her hair. She even said I'll take you to the movies after that lol. She says the $$$ talk is getting out of hand and we should talk about it. I'm to the point I don't even know what to say to her. I love her and all but IDK......
AverageJoe Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Indeed. She is not likely to be a good partner so if it ends - what will you really be losing out on? More time wasted that could have been spent with a better person. You should tell her that this relationship is failing and the advise she gave you was so wise that you've decided to apply it and just go out and get a better GF. This. 100% Do not ever let a female impede on the career choice of your dreams. Ever. And stop giving her money.
MarlyStar Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 "...That only women should let problems bother them like that and that I need to have better control of my problems..." This is the relationship killer. She doesn't see you as a person, she sees you as a stereotype. A 'man' who should be this way or should be that way. And if you aren't that way, then you aren't a 'man'. You are not allowed to be you, an individual, a human being. You have to be her definition of a man, and if you aren't, then she doesn't want to deal with you. You got a taste of that last night.
heartshaped Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 It's funny because last night she asked me for $$ to get her hair done and half-jokingly I said no b/c I know I'm sinking a lot of my $$$ into my company over the next month (mind you sometimes i give her $$ for things like this.) She took it seriously as a NO. So she text me before saying she has her own $$ and shouldn't be expecting me to pay for her hair. She even said I'll take you to the movies after that lol. She says the $$$ talk is getting out of hand and we should talk about it. I'm to the point I don't even know what to say to her. I love her and all but IDK...... That's a red flag. Your business is suffering, you live at home with your mom, and you have a child to support all on your own, she has a job, and is asking you for $$ to get her hair done?! Sounds like she's just with you so she can be in your pocket and now that your business isn't doing as good as it was, she's trying to encourage you to get another job so she can get that money. I'd cut out giving her any money for anything and see how she acts.
D-Lish Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 When my business was failing, my partner was incredibly unsupportive, and it just made things so much worse. I truly think you can measure a person by how they respond to you in a time of crisis. Your gf certainly isn't stepping up to the plate. It seems she's more concerned about how your diminishing income impacts her, instead of being concerned about how much this setback is impacting you. That's an incredibly selfish reaction on her part. A worthy partner wouldn't hesitate to offer their unconditional support. Hard times is when you need your partner the most. If she's more focused on losing the priviledge of having you pay for her hair app't than how down and stressed out you are, I'd think long and hard about continuing your relationship with this girl! And, I'm sorry about your business- I lost my business a few years ago, and it was a difficult road. You deserve someone that will step up to the plate and work through this with you.
LuckyLady13 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 I feel for you as far as owning your own business and having a few months be hard and not what you dreamed things to be. I own my own business and it's thriving but I went through a time that was so financially tough I thought it was absolutely doomed to fail. I had the thoughts going through my head that I was hanging on until the bitter end, I was depressed and felt I had next to nothing so how could I give up on my dream? I had to take a BIG step back and remember what things I did before that worked and crank it up ten notches. It paid off! BIGTIME! I think your partner may have a communication problem and a half. I think she's attempting to encourage you in a good direction with control. She probably knows if you just walk away and get a new job, you'd start returning to your old self but if this is her approach, it's a bad approach! You need some happiness back in your life right now to think straight and clearly. She should be bringing you up, not down. This business is your responsibility, not yours and hers. Step back from your business. You might not have the cash but go on some fun dates with your girlfriend. Drop your business from your mind for a few days and just get out. Do things you love to do for fun (sports, go to the movies, the beach, a lake, etc.) and loosen your grip on your business. It's like a relationship. If you hold on too tight, you squeeze it right out of your hands. It was only 6 months ago I had my head in my hands, depressed as anything, confused and scared that I was living in the very last days before my business was going to disappear like a puff of smoke. We're now about to get $25,000 in new equipment and can't keep up on the orders coming in. It's just insane. I think your girlfriend may be picking up on the fact that you're an owner of a business and you're confused by the economy and looking to her for some answers. She can't help you unless she's run a successful business. You're the captain of your ship and she expects you to know how to steer it. On the flipside, if I were her, I'd start feeling insecure about the future if the owner of a business was confiding in me too much during tough times instead of taking the reigns. What worked for you last year isn't going to work this year in this economy unless you seriously amp everything that worked WAY UP.
carhill Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 OP, since you posted in the dating forum, I'd say, right now, you're a bit too busy and focused on your business to date. Best wishes with the recovery. Direct version: Lose the GF.
Nexus One Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) This is one of the reasons that I combine a regular job with running a business. I work part-time at a company and work on my business(es) in the rest of the time. That way if I wouldn't have any income from my business, then the income of my part-time job would still allow me to pay my bills. Perhaps it's an idea for you to get a part time job that would at least cover your bills and earn extra cash in your "spare time" with your business. In that way you won't be dependent on the economy anymore to pay at least your bills, this would give you peace of mind and lower your stress levels. PS: Where do you live(local economic area) and how are your sales skills? Do you have experience with visiting companies and wheeling in business deals? And what would you say are your best skills? Edited February 23, 2011 by Nexus One
D-Lish Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 This is one of the reasons that I combine a regular job with running a business. I work part-time at a company and work on my business(es) in the rest of the time. That way if I wouldn't have any income from my business, then the income of my part-time job would still allow me to pay my bills. Perhaps it's an idea for you to get a part time job that would at least cover your bills and earn extra cash in your "spare time" with your business. In that way you won't be dependent on the economy anymore to pay at least your bills, this would give you peace of mind and lower your stress levels. PS: Where do you live(economic area) and how are your sales skills? Do you have experience with visiting companies and wheeling in business deals? You know, this sounds good on paper, but I ran a retail business and in order to make it work I had to be there 24/7. I couldn't have another job without paying someone else to run my business- so that would have meant working another job to pay someone else to run my other job... If that makes sense. I think it comes down to sink or swim- you have to put everything you have into your investment or give it up completely. Once you've invested, it's hard to walk away- precisely because you've put so much time and energy into it already. There does come a point where you might have to give up and walk away- but not before you give it a a solid effort to turn things around. The bottom line is, if you're going to give everything you have to save your business- it's super important to have a supportive partner by your side. If that partner is more concerned with getting her highlights paid for than being a supportive lover- she's not the right partner.
Nexus One Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) You know, this sounds good on paper, but I ran a retail business and in order to make it work I had to be there 24/7. I couldn't have another job without paying someone else to run my business- so that would have meant working another job to pay someone else to run my other job... If that makes sense. It's true that not every type of business lends itself for that, however OP mentioned he runs an internet business, which should lend itself quite well for that. Edited February 23, 2011 by Nexus One
Author teamtrek15 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 When my business was failing, my partner was incredibly unsupportive, and it just made things so much worse. I truly think you can measure a person by how they respond to you in a time of crisis. Your gf certainly isn't stepping up to the plate. It seems she's more concerned about how your diminishing income impacts her, instead of being concerned about how much this setback is impacting you. That's an incredibly selfish reaction on her part. A worthy partner wouldn't hesitate to offer their unconditional support. Hard times is when you need your partner the most. If she's more focused on losing the priviledge of having you pay for her hair app't than how down and stressed out you are, I'd think long and hard about continuing your relationship with this girl! And, I'm sorry about your business- I lost my business a few years ago, and it was a difficult road. You deserve someone that will step up to the plate and work through this with you. Thank you so much! You couldn't be more right.
Author teamtrek15 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 To bring everyone up to speed. We had an argument last night. She was mad that I am sinking money into business and not putting money away into a house for us to move into!!I blew up on her and said she could be putting money away too. This is my business and I have invest back into it to save it. She has no grasp of this concept and again said to me "you are the man you should be saving" Maybe its me but I thought its 2011 and not 1950 anymore?? Women contribute to the pot too I thought? So like an adult I tried to explain to her that I need to do this to save my company and she acted like a little kid and said I love you and want to be with you but I don't want to live with you anymore. I could careless she said that at this point but was very hurt how she was unable to put herself in my shoes. Traits of selfishness are starting to come out and that's the same reason I left my ex! This 1 could be next!
denise_xo Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 "you are the man you should be saving" Run. [ten characters]
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