Do I have any chance?

[CJLox]

Im 16 and 2 years ago i fell in love with a girl, and please take me seriously rather than passing me on because of my age. She said no at first but things looked very good after 7 months when she told me she liked me too and as soon as we started going out it was perfect, everything was fine and all problems seemed tiny and unimportant as i was with her.

For the next 16 months we loved each other and things were amazing however last saturday we broke up after we got upset and she said we weren't compatible. That night however we were talking online and she said that it was probably just that we needed a break to work on stuff. I agreed and i was still fine. However on the monday it was valentines day which she got a bit swept up in and we came up with this idea that i turned up with flowers and chocolate and we basically started afresh. I even slept over and she came back to mine on tuesday and things were amazing, better than usual. However on wednesday she was stressed about college work and was distant. On thursday she was in a worse mood and wouldn't let em kiss her, telling me that i was still under consideration. Knowing that her view on us was related to her mood and stress levels i went round to her house and cheered her up really easily. Straight away we were basically back to normal until we went to her netball game (i was trying to show her i was doing stuff for her) and she got fouled bad plus her mum said that it wasn't the best game she had played. Even though she was in a bad mood she made me stay and watch a film together in bed but she wouldn't kiss me on the cheek and was hesitant at letting me do so. On friday i volunteered to walk her down into town (there's a few rough areas on the way) so she could go to the cinema with a girl friend, i hung around for 2.5 hours before walking her back. She invited me to stay over and we even fell asleep in each others arms. In the morning we watched a film and i asked her how she felt about us. She said she didn't know and being scared i spilled out my heart to her at which point she pushed away and we are now properly broken up.

I am not coping well at all and am now really depressed. I still love her and i know that she loved me and still does to a degree. People i have talked to think she doubted the relationship because of a few arguments and felt pressured when i told her how mad i was about her even though i had told her before.

I am looking for any advice on the situation as i want to be with her or how to cope without her (my life has been 'her' for 2 years).

An idea was suggested we have a month with hardly any contact (apart from college) and then we go on a formal date and go from there but she thinks that it wont change her mind. She has rung me, breaking the no contact rule, telling me she was going to a friends so if shes not back someone knows where she went. Does this mean she misses me? As she could've told many other people.

Thankyou for your help

[ShatteredReality]

She most likely does miss you. Also - you're probably all she's known for 2 yrs as well, so it's difficult to suddenly not have someone as an integral part of your life when they once were. In highschool I had a long term relationship also. We spoke of marriage and how we would handle the college situation...we were planning on marrying the summer we graduated. We had plans...we knew what we wanted by way of kids...the whole deal. But we broke up when I was 17. I actually dumped him. I could see him looking at other women, not just glancing or noticing, but leering...following cute girls and flirting...getting phone numbers. I told him I could tell he wanted to see what else was out there so I was letting him go to avoid being cheated on. He cried, he begged me to take him back, he bought me gifts...all the while asking other girls to movies and such. The second a girl he had his eye on accepted his invitation for a date those pleas stopped...but I was dating other boys a bit here and there as well. We still hung out all the time, so I knew of his dates, he knew of mine...we made out a few times, nearly got back together a few times...all in all, it was an emotional roller coaster. For both of us I think. I have to admit there were moments I was a total B****, too. When he began dating the other girl I was fine, though. Enough time had passed we were both ok I think.

 

Maybe that doesn't give you much to go on beyond knowing you're not alone. It happens. What you're feeling is very real. You can send her flowers, buy her chocolates, get her gifts and trinkets...there is nothing saying the relationship is dead and over....you're both very young. The thought of a lifetime commitment at 16 or 17 can terrify some people - she may be one of them. Perhaps let her be for awhile...have limited contact and take this time to learn about yourself. What do you want...take her out of the equation - what do YOU want?? What college do you want to go to? Don't worry about where she's going - what career path do you want? Don't worry about what she's doing. Enjoy the chance to go hang out with your friends and not have to call her to tell her where you'll be or how late you'll be out...or if her schedule allows her to join you...learn who YOU are. Honestly...if you truly want her back - that's your best bet...and the bonus is, if you don't wind up with her again - at least you will be comfortable in your own skin and with yourself...and the next wonderful awesome girl to come alone and catch your eye - you will be that much wiser on how to handle the situation...not come on too strong and take your time.

 

I know I probably wasn't a ton of help - but hopefully something in that mess made sense for ya.

[CJLox]

Thanks.

I am trying my best to find out about myself but all I've come up with is to be with someone i Love and the person i currently love is her. Im suffering from depression aswell now, was doing before i was with her, and so i lost all reasoning of life and what point it has. Thus i a led to the only 'reason' if you will is to be with someone you love.

We've spoken and even hung out as friends a few time but shes adament that we're just friends. i was wondering wether because she always reinforces this point, she is trying to convince herself of this seeing as i dont suggest anything for her to say this.

I do want her back, more than anything. My depression is so bad that i even attempted suicide and im on a downward slope. we're still close and i can sumtimes see the tiniest of hints of our connection when shes with me but as i sed im sure shes trying to convince herself because she thinks thats best.

I was wondering what i could do to show her that she can let go and go with her feelings. If we just keep hanging out will she remember what it was like and consider stuff or will it just make her want to be friends still?

she dosent have many friends so she dosent really hang out with anyone else.

thankyou