roman_pavluchenko Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) i started seeing this girl at school, we were both 17 turning 18 and she seemed like a really nice person as she was helping year 8s and such, and she was really pretty. I began to "like" her without knowing her, and starting to see her amongst my group of friends. After 6 months, and a few parties i had started to get to know her, her friends would tell her how she could be a model and i followed up on this and complimented her, and finally asked her out on leavers. I was her first ever boyfriend, she was my second girlfriend, she was really shy and innocent, and we shared our first kiss under the stars on the foreshore. We had some really great times, and i was happy, but use to worry quite a lot about losing her because i thought she was too good for me, but she would always reassure me that i wouldnt lose her and not to worry so much. She was afraid to kiss me in front of friends, and i think she liked the idea of being in a group rather than alone, but i didnt mind i just liked to be with her. It would bother me when she would take a while to reply on facebook, if she wouldnt text me back or call me or anything, and i brought it up once and she apologised and said she just consider it a big deal. After a few little arguments she dumped me out of nowhere after 2 months, i didnt expect it all, exept for the possible hint the night before where she suddenly went offline on facebook saying catch you tomorrow. (no x's!!!!) She just said that she didnt feel the same anymore but i was the sweetest and nicest guy she had ever met. I was crushed and felt lost/empty for the next few days and began to cry occasionally, i tried going to her house and telling her how i felt and that i know where i went wrong and we could fix it but she said she couldnt go back to the way things were and we were better off this way, i decided to go on a holiday for a week, and when i came back i heard nothing from her, and its been 3 weeks and shown no sign of reconciliation. I always wanted to tell her i loved her and i always tried to make things special - kissing her on the neck when we werent talking, stroking her hand playing with her fingers etc, and i would see her every day if i could, but i just couldnt do it because i didnt think she felt the same. Ive started to let go recently, but now i not only think of the good times we had, but i think more of the stuff i wanted to do with her such as take her out to dinner, like i had planned for valentines but of course we werent together anymore, but also now ive just been thinking about have sexual relations with her, we were both virgins and i wanted her to be my first and i cant stand the thought of her being with someone else, do you think i actually loved her, or was it just lust, i still see her with my group and she sometimes talks to me but i find it almost impossible to look her in the face. My previous relationship lasted 8 months but it didnt hurt me at all when we broke up, because we both agreed we had drifted and that we were better off as friends, but we did go further than i did with my latest ex and we just seemed to care about eachother a lot more. Did i actually love my new girlfriend, or does it just hurt so badly because she ended it so suddenly and i wasnt ready? 3 weeks and i still feel the pain... Edited February 22, 2011 by roman_pavluchenko
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