BM91 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Here is the main thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t266001/ My ex girlfriend broke up with me 4 days ago because she said she "doesn't feel the same anymore" but to me everything seemed fine, I have no clue what went wrong.. I've been no contact ever since I stormed out of her house and she hasn't contacted me either.. Should I contact her? How long should I wait? Obviously I want to try sort things out.
Tofu Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 dude we have abit in common, the age difference between me and my ex was just 3 yrs as well me 20 and her 17 which lasted bout 8months. So maybe i can throw abit of experience since my own breakup 2weeks ago. 16 is still a v young age for a girl and she likely doesnt know what she wants right now, its a tough time for her so i would suggest to give her some space to contemplate her descision without you contacting her. I know its a tough thing to do but once a girl makes a choice, it is difficult to change her mind immiediatly. Girls follow their emotions more than anything and if you came up to her when shes feeling so down with this situation right now youll only end up pushing her away. I realize you want to know what the reasons are for all this and ive been down the same road but for now dont make any initial contact, if she wants to talk about it she will approach you when she is ready. Stay strong, NC is difficult to grasp at first but it is something you must do for yourself as well to control any rash descisions you might jump into due to these strong emotions affecting your judgement now.
Author BM91 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 But earlier on in our relationship she said she likes a guy that fights for a girl because it shows try care, I'm caught in two minds at the minute :/
SDA Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 4 days isn't enough time man. Just relax for a while longer.
Tofu Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 What does she mean by fight tho? In your current position i feel that fighting and trying to squeeze an answer from her will only scare her away. Sure she may have said it in the past but this is one of the times falling back and giving the both of you some breathing space is the best that both of you can do right now. You pushing forward when she is in a state of thinking and negativity bout this whole breakup will likely cause more damage cos she is not ready to talk yet. If she cherished this relationship like you do then she will approach you to talk when she has calmed down, right now go NC you both need some time to chill. Itll be alright man, whatever happens the people at LS have got your back.
Author BM91 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Yeah, you're right I need to give her space and time to think. I just logged onto Facebook and saw she had put a status which was just ":))' What does that mean?? She's over it already?
Author BM91 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Strange.... When I saw it, it said 40 minutes ago and now she's deleted it :S
Tofu Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Dont stress too much over little details like that youll only pile more stress on yourself and think for ages what it meant. I dont think anyone but herself knows why she put that smiley in the 1st place. In my view I think of it as her still being abit unstable after the breakup and not knowing what to write then thinking it was stupid and suddenly deleted it. Its just a guess but seriously poking around her facebook will do you no good, youll only drive yourself nuts analyzing each and every action she makes on it. If i were you i would hide any notices that she makes so you can focus on yourself more, I understand you want to know how shes coping with it all but like i said you need to try and calm yourself down as well, youre equally as important. If youre not calm when she does reach out to you how are you going to handle the moment in the right way? Relax dude, dont let these lil things get to you.
RomoGuy Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Yea, i did that for a while, Ide hear she'd write stuff on her facebook from my friends (since she blocked me!) and I would think every post was about me. Only she knows what she is posting, so stop looking asap. Make sure you dont look depressed or anything on your facebook either. Be, or atleast look happy on your facebook. I was dumped out of the blue also, found out she's dating some dude already after a bit over a month. So I know why she blocked me now. Learn to be happy without her, It'll make you more attractive to anyone. Dont contact her either. I understand where your coming from with the whole fighting for your girl thing, but she's not your girl now, she decided to leave you, what is there to fight for? these ex's have made up their mind, and if you tried to fix it and they didnt accept, they gave up on you. Atleast right now.
Author BM91 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 But if I act all happy and like It doesnt bother me, won't she think I'm not bothered? And that I don't care we broke up?
Tofu Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 But if I act all happy and like It doesnt bother me, won't she think I'm not bothered? And that I don't care we broke up? If you are keeping to NC how would she know how youre thinking? The magic of NC is that it leaves the other person wondering what you are up to and how you as well are coping with this breakup, women are curious people they want what they cant get and if you dissapear from the face of the earth she will wonder whats happened to you and approach you in time. When the moment arrives she does want to talk i want you in a focused frame of mind that wont be influenced purely by your emotions. I never said anything bout being happy, be a man and show you are mature enough to tackle this problem calmly the best you can. Being a panicky emotional wreck wont do you any favours, of course youre bothered by this but dont show it dude.
Author BM91 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Thanks for your support it really does means alot, I just don't want it to seem as if I don't care. :/ As each day passes I'm doubting more and more she won't reach out :/ I've been invited to a friend from works birthday party this Friday but I know my ex's cousins will be there and people that go to her school, possibly even her, should I go or not?
Tofu Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Hmm I understand why you think that since you feel you left the image like you didnt care the night you wouldnt talk to her when she felt differently. But she will have noticed you were upset by all of it that night or why else would you have walked away, it troubled you and you didnt know how to handle it at the time. Im sure you care alot for this girl but maintaining NC is crucial for now. The party thing is interesting to me, Im assuming alcohol will be involved during it so I worry that the boost in confidence will somehow influence you to contact her whilst also blinding your judgement at the same time. As much as i would like you to relax and go to the party, maybe its for the best you didnt since you also run the risk of running into her as well. If she cares about you then she will come to you, I know NC is tough on you but you must stay strong and stick to it for now. How long has it been since you started NC may I ask?
Author BM91 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 It's so hard :/ it's now 5 days NC, we haven't spoken since I walked out
Tofu Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 5 days is still too short for her to start missing you. I understand what youre going through, time just goes by so slow during the early stages of NC and I tell you it felt like hell to me as well but someone here gave me the same advice as I am giving to you now. The fact is you guys are broken up now, even your fb confirms it. If this relationship was meant to be then i promise you she will come back and talk to you about it, any action you take to try and get information out of her now will only drive her away. She made her descision to break up and in this early period of time it is almost impossible to change her choice.. if anything itll cause more damage if you tried. Wait it out with NC, make her miss you and show that you are able to deal with being alone. Like I said before girls want things they cannot have, not having you around will only make her more curious each day that passes. Hang in there mate you can get through this.
Mixed28 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 5 days is still too short for her to start missing you. I understand what youre going through, time just goes by so slow during the early stages of NC and I tell you it felt like hell to me as well but someone here gave me the same advice as I am giving to you now. The fact is you guys are broken up now, even your fb confirms it. If this relationship was meant to be then i promise you she will come back and talk to you about it, any action you take to try and get information out of her now will only drive her away. She made her descision to break up and in this early period of time it is almost impossible to change her choice.. if anything itll cause more damage if you tried. Wait it out with NC, make her miss you and show that you are able to deal with being alone. Like I said before girls want things they cannot have, not having you around will only make her more curious each day that passes. Hang in there mate you can get through this. I agree its best to walk away then push them away but its best to assume they are gone for good even if you go NC and maintain it yeah it sucks. She chose not to work it out. if our emotions werent involved logic would tell us why be with somone who doesn't want to be with you? Our logic would tell us we don't want that person who does not want us. Sadly we don't operate on pure logic epsecially after getting dumped. Really we just want someone to love who loves us back unconditionally and for a lifetime and that is not your ex my ex or anybodies ex who dumped them.
Author BM91 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 It's getting harder everyday :/ she seems to be doing just fine, I hate this.
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