allenmj Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Ok so.. been married for 8 years. Through it all we suffered through the loss of a child, financial issues being a single income family, she was hospitalized twice with psychiatric episodes after the death of our son, though it all I took care of her, worked, and cared for our now 4 year old daughter. Last month, she tells me shes tired of living where we are and wants us to up and move 1500 miles away and live in her sisters basement. I tell her I think that relocating to an area with a better economy is a good idea, but up and quitting my job of 8 years without another source of income isn't. She demands a one way plane ticket, telling me shes going with or without me, tells all our friends and family that she now resides permanently in this new state, and that her grand idea is for her (who has no job skills, never had a job other than fast food in her life) is going to get a job that pays as much as my 70k a year job and buy us a house and support us. Meanwhile, I'm left holding the strings of a broken family, and trying to explain to my 4 year old daughter why her mommy left and isn't coming back. Last week my daughter came down with bronchitis, I handled it, took her to dr and got her meds, but she was a sick little girl, I asked, almost begged for my wife to stop this and come home, and she refused. I put so much of my heart and soul into our marriage, held myself together while I let her mourn the death of our son, held her up when she was suffering from major depressive states, held her hand and stood by her when she needed help, and now this. I don't want to believe she played me, but what else can this be.
mark982 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 your wife clearly has mental issues, that need worked out. about the only thing you can do right now, is protect your child. since your wife has clearly left, i would go about getting legal custody of you daughter. that way you wife (stbx?) doesn't try to take off with her, her being unstable and all.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 She sounds a bit mental to me. She needs professional help. Either that or there is an OM.
Author allenmj Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 tonight she made some demands via texts that I send our daughter out to her immediately. Sadly, I think those of you who commented on her mental condition were dead on.
seibert253 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 You need to contact an attorney and protect yourself and your daughter. Your attorney should get a court order giving you temporary legal custody due to your W's unstable mental state. She's sick and needs help, but the safety and wellbeing of you and your daughter comes first.
Lady_Lucifr Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 You need to contact an attorney and protect yourself and your daughter. Your attorney should get a court order giving you temporary legal custody due to your W's unstable mental state. She's sick and needs help, but the safety and wellbeing of you and your daughter comes first. I would have to agree with this. She needs help. I would not allow anywhere near the child in that state of mind.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Yeah sounds like she's gone off the deep end. Don't let her have your daughter please! For the love of Sweet Baby Jesus! Find out how she can get mental help. Call her mom or sister maybe?
Author allenmj Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Her mom and sister are the ones telling her to get me to send my daughter there. I'm on my own for this one I think, and honestly, I prefer it that way. I work in law enforcement, (not a sworn officer, however, so I have very little actual law training) But I have a ton of really good friends who know state law backward and forward, and following their advice I have done the following. 1) Logged Each day that I take my dau to day care, work, and pick her up, establishing a set routine that doesn't interfere with my work. 2) Changed the locks. By packing her bags, changing her facebook/email addresses to the new state, AND by using an out of state address on job applications, she has declared herself no longer a resident of California and therefore, no longer has rights to the house where my dau and I live. 3) Filed divorce papers. It's killing me, my dau today told me she'd be a better girl so mommy will come home... I try hard to not talk bad or say anything at all, but I have to respond, all I can say, I'm sorry baby, mommy left and I dont think she's coming back. Sigh..
Author allenmj Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 So I broke down today and texted her, offering her another chance to stop this and come home. My daughter is having a tough time understanding why mommy just left. Every time we go somewhere she asks me if mommy will be home when we get there. IT'S KILLING ME. My stbx's responses were calculated, and basically told me that her own happiness and well being now came before anyone elses, and she would never come back ever. She also then showed some more of her mental instability by telling me how everyone else is wrong and she has the ability to think faster than anyone else. Sigh. I know in my heart that my daughter is better off this way, but to a 4yo girl, how do you explain that.
gkaplan000 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 It's one thing to leave a spouse, but leaving a child when the other one died is just flat out wrong. Your wife needs some serious therapy and needs it now. Maybe some time away from you and your child will make her realize what she has. If you are a good husband and father then she will come back when she realizes what she has potential lost.
Duckduckgoose Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I really really wish I knew what you should say to your little girl. I don't know much about kids and I don't have any sort of empathy training yet (nursing starts Monday). Nothing I'm pulling up from searches is helping me find what you can tell a 4 year old whose Mom has runnoft. It just says to be as truthful as possible. Maybe... "Mommy is with her Mommy and Sister right now"? And if she asks to see them just say that you can't, that Mommy wants to be alone with them. Its truthful enough? Not sure if a 4 year old comprehends that. When your daughter says she will be a better girl tell her she is already being a good girl and you love her very much. I also read that its best to keep their schedule as normal as possible. Not sure if you're doing that... Yeah... I really don't know very much about kids I feel for you man, but your W is the problem not you. She's nutters.
carhill Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 OP, my sympathies. IMO, the best course of action is to preserve the status quo for your daughter and get some legal advice about next steps. Simplify. I'm about five months on the other side of the D and live out on the west side if you need any local support. Let me know. One day at a time.
Author allenmj Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 OP, my sympathies. IMO, the best course of action is to preserve the status quo for your daughter and get some legal advice about next steps. Simplify. I'm about five months on the other side of the D and live out on the west side if you need any local support. Let me know. One day at a time. Thanks, man. Appreciate it. Soooo I started the process of packing up my wifes abandoned things from the house today. Would have done it sooner, but my dau and I both went through some nasty flu days. I'll admit, even though I don't want to admit it, putting her stuff into boxes is a very very sad experience. I offered to ship some of this stuff to her (100's of dollars of knitting materials that she just recently bought, just to name a small sample) but she refused, says she doesn't want it. Oh well. Off to box up more stuff I go.
Author allenmj Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 Finished the divorce paperwork today. Bittersweet, not much more to say.
carhill Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 Now for the six months to run and to stay away from paralegals
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