i made a mess Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Just as the title of this thread says...it's been 94 days since I last had any contact with my ex. He cut me off without warning, changed his number and has been off the radar ever since. As the dumper, I realize now through several posters that he has now gained the power and has become the dumper, I the dumpee. Just when I think I'm starting to do better...WHAM, I'm hit with the nightmares, the restlessnes, the racing thoughts, insomnia. I still wake up sobbing hysterically and miss him SO much. I wonder how he's doing with work, if he's happy, if people are treating him well, is he getting enough sleep with the crappy shift he works, is he safe while on duty? I read all these posts that if you go NC, the dumper has to tell you that they want to be with you, that they know they made a mistake, etc. I've already done all of that which is completely outside of my normal behavior. I'm seeing a therapist, I have learned how to open up and face fears. I want no one else but him. I've reached out to him twice now, telling him I want another chance, that I'm still the same girl he fell for, that I've got my head on straight and how much I love him. Yet, no response. Everyone says "you need to move on" "you need to just give up" but it is so unbelievably frustrating. We had no fight, nothing...just him disappearing after I turned down a last minute invite to come hang out. Short of showing up on his front porch holding a boombox over my head all Say Anything style, I don't know what else to do. Even if he doesn't want to give things another chance, I wish we could just talk. I feel that there was so much misunderstanding in our relationship that a good conversation might at least salvage any relationship that may be left, even if it's just a friendship. I'm young at 28 and know that there are other men out there, but honestly I don't know how many other soul mates there are and I feel like I met mine at the wrong time and I can't just walk away from him. Have any "dumpers" had any luck in re-establishing any contact with their exes after the ex has gone NC and changed their number? If so, what'd you do to get to that point?
Denillad Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I feel ur pain. My ex n I broke up 2 years ago n I was the dumper. We had contact for a few months after the break up but never spoke about our feelings. When we finally did, it hurt so much that he was hurt over the break up n said he still loved me but he never wanted to get back together. It hurts like hell but I have to tell u that that this 24 months have been the worst time of my life. I settled for crumbs. The best thing to do is move on. It's not up to u anymore. The chasing won't work in my opinion.
WTRanger Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 The issue you have is that your closure isn't in his hands or the conversation you would like to have. The closure comes from within you. You need to accept what has happened and you need to forgive what has happened. See this link about forgiveness, but note that forgiveness doesn't mean you let him off the hook or that you shouldn't feel upset. http://learningtoforgive.com/9-steps/ I know how you feel about the complete "thud" that ended your relationship. In my case, I traveled to see this person and she simply just didn't show. Apparently that was her signal to end the 2 years we had. I haven't heard from her since. No fight, no "It's over", no "leave me alone", nothing. The last thing I heard from her was, "I'm excited to see you after being away for so long!" I went over 110 days NC, then decided to at least try to make amends now that time had passed. Or at least just to get some sort of answer or anything really. Nope, that fell on deaf ears. It made me realize that this is indeed final and I'd better start fully accepting it for what it is. Seriously, if I didn't know any better I would think she's either in a coma or dead. She's not, but you have to treat it like they've died. Accept that you'll never hear from them again. Even if you do, can you honestly just look past what they've done? You'd always expect them to run away again and that's not a healthy way to live. These people are gutless cowards who can't face up to their actions. They are the scum of the Earth. See him for the little bitch he really is and not the person you thought he was. That person never was.
Author i made a mess Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 So I seriously think god literally loves to watch me squirm! I walked into chipotle tonight, while texting a friend and ran smack into my ex. Literally head first into his chest. Before I realized it was him I said sorry, then said hi, and he said hi, I was just leavin" and walked out. He was in uniform so obviously on duty. I stood their for quite a while in shock after he walked out. I still don't believe it happened. It was so fast and surreal. I feel like I was hit by a bus and am right back to square one. :-( I have just been crushed all day and mopey.
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