newrule Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) Hello! I'll try to make this short. I have a boyfriend, I have never met him. I plan to meet him in London this September. This relationship is greatly disapproved by my parents, so I've been hiding it from them for a very long time. My mom has my passport. I'm deathly afraid that she'll suspect something if I ask for my passport from her now without a good reason. I'm just not ready yet to be open with her about the relationship. Any advice on how to ask my passport from her? I know this is silly, but I need to be creative and it doesn't hurt to get some suggestions. And I know the title of this thread is a bit misleading, but it's just weird to write "going to see boyfriend, need advice how to get my passport from parent". Have a nice day, everyone. EDIT: I have never met him because we met online. Just to avoid confusion ~_~ Edited February 22, 2011 by newrule
Trimmer Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Hello! I'll try to make this short. I have a boyfriend, I have never met him. I plan to meet him in London this September. This relationship is greatly disapproved by my parents, so I've been hiding it from them for a very long time. My mom has my passport. I'm deathly afraid that she'll suspect something if I ask for my passport from her now without a good reason. I'm just not ready yet to be open with her about the relationship. Any advice on how to ask my passport from her? I know this is silly, but I need to be creative and it doesn't hurt to get some suggestions. And I know the title of this thread is a bit misleading, but it's just weird to write "going to see boyfriend, need advice how to get my passport from parent". Have a nice day, everyone. EDIT: I have never met him because we met online. Just to avoid confusion ~_~ Oh yeah, I'm sure there will be no confusion... Before I will say anything else, please tell us - honestly - how old are you? And don't give out any more detailed location information about yourself than your country, but are you currently living in the United States?
TokyoG33kyGal Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 i would tell my parents honestly where i would be going because that's the best. what if he's a psycho (hope not)? plus telling your parents the truth will let them see how responsible you are. you are already 23, right? be firm and tell your parents you can make adult decisions, this will stop them treating you like a baby. my parents were also over-protective but i am stubborn, but i take responsibility for my actions. if you continue to hide your relationship and don't make a stand now, your parents will lose their trust in you. i know this is not the exact advice you're looking for, but this is for your own good.
Trimmer Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 OK, saw from your other posts that you are around 23, live in Malaysia, have known him for 6 years, met online and have only interacted with him online, and this would be your first-ever meeting in person. Question: Why meet in London? If he's in the US, are you both going to have to pay for travel to London? Is that less expensive than just one of you travelling directly to meet the other? What happened to concerns about money and saving up and travel and all that? Has that all been resolved? Also, you say you are not ready to be open with your mother about the relationship. But there's really no way around the subject coming up if you ask for your passport. At the point where you need to have your passport, you have the choice of either (A) being truthful, or (B) perpetrating a deception. There are really no other shortcuts. Do you intend to advise them of your trip plans before you depart, or after? Or try to create a deception around that? I understand that you are looking for a way to have this not be a big deal with your parents, but it doesn't sound like there's any way to avoid that. Either you tell them the truth - whenever you choose to do it - or you deceive them in some way.
creighton0123 Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 How old are you? Why does she have your passport? It's your passport... "Mom, I'm going to visit a friend in London in September. Can you send me my passport?"
Rollercoasterr Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I really hope you know that if you deceive your parents about this your relationship has virtually no future. Think about it. What's going to happen if your parents find out that you lied to them and snuck off to meet someone that they disapprove of? Shouldn't you be trying to make your parents approve by showing them all the wonderful qualities he possesses and how good he is for you? All you're doing this way is showing your parents that by being with him you are capable of lying and deceit and that you should never be trusted. If you do this, they will never approve of him. You are only going to cause yourself heartache if you lie to them about this. I hope you are really thinking your actions through to the fullest extent. Thinking about now is good, but it's the future that is more important.
befreckled Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Hello! I'll try to make this short. I have a boyfriend, I have never met him. I plan to meet him in London this September. This relationship is greatly disapproved by my parents, so I've been hiding it from them for a very long time. My mom has my passport. I'm deathly afraid that she'll suspect something if I ask for my passport from her now without a good reason. I'm just not ready yet to be open with her about the relationship. Any advice on how to ask my passport from her? I know this is silly, but I need to be creative and it doesn't hurt to get some suggestions. And I know the title of this thread is a bit misleading, but it's just weird to write "going to see boyfriend, need advice how to get my passport from parent". Have a nice day, everyone. EDIT: I have never met him because we met online. Just to avoid confusion ~_~ I read your previous thread and given that I'm in Singapore (I was born here but grew up in North America and moved back a couple years ago for work. FYI, culture shock doesn't begin to even summarise it) I completely understand what you are facing and how it is the norm to have parents that are so protective given the culture. A couple questions - 1. Are you living with them? I remember you being a Master's student and hence the question. 2 Assuming the answer is yes, how do you intend to leave the country for an extended period of time without them realising? If the answer is yes, then having a passport is the least of your worries. 3. Based on the assumption that you live separately and will have no problems going off without them knowing then I'd advise you to make a new passport. That said, I think you definitely should tell your close friends and ensure that you have a Plan B if things in London don't work out. No matter how rosy the picture is, right now.
Els Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 With all due respect, most of you have no idea how traditional Asian parents are like, especially traditional Malay parents. It is normal for them to hold the important documents of their children. And their offspring are always seen as children, right until they marry. If they marry at 40, they'll be babied til they're 40. It is also very normal for the children to hide their relationships from disapproving parents. Because, uh, parents almost always disapprove, until they find one that fulfills all the criteria and is willing to marry soon and not have sex with them or even spend time alone with them until they marry them. You cannot make a new passport without turning in your old one, unless you file a police report for it being missing or being held against your will. Surely this is the norm everywhere? OP, I really think he should come to you. I mean no offense, but you are very, very inexperienced in the ways of the world (and sadly your parents probably contributed to that). Have you even ever been on a flight by yourself? Do you know what to do in a foreign country? What IF your bf turns out not to be the person you imagined? Contribute to the plane ticket fee if you want, but ask him to come instead.
folieadeux Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Without knowing anything about your culture, I think it best to have him come to you or, if he can't for whatever reason, just tell your parents the truth. It'll save you alot of grief in the long run. Whatever option you decide to go with, I'm glad to see that you'll finally be meeting. It's definitely about time.
creighton0123 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 With all due respect, most of you have no idea how traditional Asian parents are like, especially traditional Malay parents. It is normal for them to hold the important documents of their children. And their offspring are always seen as children, right until they marry. If they marry at 40, they'll be babied til they're 40. It is also very normal for the children to hide their relationships from disapproving parents. Because, uh, parents almost always disapprove, until they find one that fulfills all the criteria and is willing to marry soon and not have sex with them or even spend time alone with them until they marry them. You cannot make a new passport without turning in your old one, unless you file a police report for it being missing or being held against your will. Surely this is the norm everywhere? OP, I really think he should come to you. I mean no offense, but you are very, very inexperienced in the ways of the world (and sadly your parents probably contributed to that). Have you even ever been on a flight by yourself? Do you know what to do in a foreign country? What IF your bf turns out not to be the person you imagined? Contribute to the plane ticket fee if you want, but ask him to come instead. Yeah. I missed the part where she said she was in Malaysia. I see it now. My bad. Good advice, Elswyth.
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