Little Bird Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 After only two dates with a guy I met online, he asks me about my sexual history. I'm a virgin, but even if I wasn't I wouldn't give out that information to someone after only a couple of dates. I asked him why and he said he was just curious. I thought it was common sense not to ask those kind of questions until the relationship has progressed to being intimate. I think he was just honestly curious, but it makes me wonder if he was assessing me in regards to if I was good in bed or how experienced I was. Are guys thinking these kind of thoughts even after one date? Should I have just told him that I was a virgin even if I was not comfortable answering? Well, he probably assumes I'm a virgin now, especially since I avoided answering.
blackmagik Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I don't think he assumes anything. I think those questions should wait until the relationship has gotten intimate too. He was probably more than likely sizing you up to see if you were comfortable with the topic so he could attempt to get you into bed. I have never brought this topic up until the relationship is in the intimacy stage were its not an awkward or out of line topic. If I were you I would see that as a red flag and really question this guys motivates.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 After only two dates with a guy I met online, he asks me about my sexual history. I'm a virgin, but even if I wasn't I wouldn't give out that information to someone after only a couple of dates. I asked him why and he said he was just curious. I thought it was common sense not to ask those kind of questions until the relationship has progressed to being intimate. I think he was just honestly curious, but it makes me wonder if he was assessing me in regards to if I was good in bed or how experienced I was. Are guys thinking these kind of thoughts even after one date? Should I have just told him that I was a virgin even if I was not comfortable answering? Well, he probably assumes I'm a virgin now, especially since I avoided answering. Maybe you just said or did something that made him really curious. It's best to be really coy about it early on... unless you've been with LOTS of guys. Then you should be pretty up front about it.
Lilmisus Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I'm curious how he asked about this. Did he ask "are you a virgin?" "how many sex partners have you had?" "how long have you been sexually active?" or "what's your favorite position..in bed?" or something along those lines? But this reminds me way too much of my own situation about three years ago with a dude who was 22 when I was 17 (should have seen that in itself as a red flag, but didn't). I never dated the dude - though he asked me out, and I was interested in him - but after talking to him for only a month (barely) we sat down and talked and he asked me if I was a virgin. I was, but was completely taken aback by the question, but told him yes anyway. After a couple minutes, he asked if I'd ever had any boyfriends since I still was, and told him kind of (answer was no, but hey, he was 22 and I didn't want to seem like a kid with no experience). Anyway, a few months later (after being infatuated with him for that time) he was gone from my life, thankfully. But it turned out that he had asked quite a lot of other girls the same question, including my best friend, since he was pretty much a pervert and that's all he was interested in getting. I'm telling you this because any guy who would ask something along these lines shows exactly where his mind is, without even attempting to hide it, and to me, that spells loser. This is a major red flag, especially since you're still a virgin, and I'd leave this dude immediately. It shows that his mind has gone to having sex with you already (on the second date) and he's not afraid to hide that fact, though most guys with class would at least try to disguise their motives. Do yourself a favor and leave this at two dates, and wait for a guy who will wait until a couple of months at the very least before even bringing up past sexual history, or even sex, depending on how you feel about it.
Knittress Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) I think the 'he's a virgin-predator' advice makes sense if you're a teenager, but less so if you're older. People get more casual with sex the more they experience it and a man into and past his 20s IS going to want sex by a couple of dates (or the first, tbh). I think the distinction would be that a good man cares about the whys and hows of any sexual activity and doesn't value sex more than the person he's having it with. Why did he ask that? Not sure. Maybe to assess your relationship 'value.' Maybe because he was insecure and wanted to know if you'd notice HIS inexperience. Maybe to gauge how much effort he'd likely have to put in in order to get some action out of you. To my mind any type of questioning in this regard would be extremely offputting. Edited February 22, 2011 by Knittress
musemaj11 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Men who ask how many men you have been with are men with traditional thinking. They are the kinds who think that you are a slut if you have been with more than three men and will lose respect for you. You need not worry about being a virgin. For such men, you are a treasure. Personally though I get turned off by virgins.
mtber75 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Either he's a pervert or a religious freak! Yeah I would avoid the question until later.
utterer of lies Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I think those questions should wait until the relationship has gotten intimate too. No. People should preferably talk about sex (and related topics such as condom use etc.) before having sex. Doing it afterwards is too late.
bayouboi Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Are guys thinking these kind of thoughts even after one date? I hate to break it to you, but most guys are thinking these kind of thoughts before we even ask you on the first date.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 There is a distinction between asking you how many relationships you've had and how many men you slept with. Asking about relationships shows tact. There is nothing innocent about curiousity, this guy was fishing, pure and simple.
Recommended Posts