Distant78 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 LOL, well based on the posts from the resident OM/OW, and cheaters here, I can now go back to the original question in the thread and anwer: yes, most cheaters are sociopaths. along with their apologists and accessories to the crime. :laugh: Oh!!!!!
Distant78 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 In some cases...yes the spouse must admit their role in the enviornment they either helped to create...OR CREATED in the marriage to compel someone who I presumed loved them at one time to completely check out, escape from, seek comfort in someone else. Not everyone who has an affair is screwing from sun up to sun down. There are people who have had an affair that lasted months and slept with the person twice. Does that sound like it's about sex??? If so... that's alot of talking for two rolls in the hay. A cheater is wrong for cheating regardless what their BS did. It's fine if it's a dealbreaker....but then tell the whole story. Explain why it is that someone who once loved you can't stand you or is trying to escape the relationship. What is it that drove them away from you. What do you mean tell the whole story? They cheated, plain and simple. They don't have to go into a whole bunch of details as to why their spouse decided to be selfish and cheat. Obviously they don't want them anymore is because they cheated and became selfish. Human being are not robots, we are thinking and emotional beings. We respond to treatment and those responses may sometimes be dealbreakers, but it dosnt stop the fact that we are relating and responding to one another. Yes we are humans, but we can control our actions and it doesn't excuse cheating. For all the BS that say No one made you unzip your pants. It is a clear choice. That's fine. I understand the logic that get's someone to say that. But do those same people admit the CHOICE they made when they were berating, and verbally abusing their spouse. The choice they made to drive the family into financial ruin. They sat around and planned it , just like cheaters sat around and planned from the beggining to break their spouses heart. As I said before, cheating is a big deal breaker regardless of what the BS did. It's just unacceptable. No one should have to put up with that. If the relationship was bad initially then go to counseling, separation, or divorce. Plain and simple. Black and white. These are CHOICES on both sides. Or do the BS not see their behavior as a choice. Of course not. All of a sudden it become "imperfect" or a "shortcoming" or "no one is perfect." No you made hold hard choices. Hold yourself to the exact same standard that you hold cheaters to. As I said before, cheating is uncalled for, regardless of marital issues. And I don't know about others but I will never stoop to the pathetic level of a cheater. My standards are way higher. So high that they won't be able to reach it with a rocket. And I stand by it and say it with confidence and arrogance because I'm immune to cheating.
Stateandbroadway Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 Using another wrong to justify cheating is a classic tactic of blame shifting. We are talking about cheating and not anything else. There are plenty of bad people who were faithful and to be fair many great people who were unfaithful but it does not justify the act of cheating. What Distant says is true about cheaters portraying the marriage in the worst possible light. As somebody who has been on the receiving end of that treatment I know it all too well. What your're saying is true. It's also true of people who when something happens in their life.... that they don't like, they act completely bewildered as to why someone would ever treat them in such a way. Like the treatment of them just dropped out of a black hole. Why oh why would this person dislike me so much. I've been such a wonderful person. Ok it dosnt justify the act cheating. Nothing can make cheating right. What is does is make some people understand is why it is that all BS didnt get the "RIGHT" behavior. Maybe you liked this BAD person because you are BAD. Maybe you didnt get "Right" behavior because you are not "RIGHT."
Distant78 Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 What your're saying is true. It's also true of people who when something happens in their life.... that they don't like, they act completely bewildered as to why someone would ever treat them in such a way. Like the treatment of them just dropped out of a black hole. Why oh why would this person dislike me so much. I've been such a wonderful person. Exactly because they never deserved that type of treatment. Ok it dosnt justify the act cheating. Nothing can make cheating right. Yup. No matter how many sorries, apologies, gift cards, amount of sex one gives, it won't work. What is does is make some people understand is why it is that all BS didnt get the "RIGHT" behavior. Maybe you liked this BAD person because you are BAD. Maybe you didnt get "Right" behavior because you are not "RIGHT." So what you're saying is that they deserved to be cheated on, deserved sloppy seconds, a nasty STD, and a kid that's not even theirs, right?
bentnotbroken Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 In some cases...yes the spouse must admit their role in the enviornment they either helped to create...OR CREATED in the marriage to compel someone who I presumed loved them at one time to completely check out, escape from, seek comfort in someone else. Not everyone who has an affair is screwing from sun up to sun down. There are people who have had an affair that lasted months and slept with the person twice. Does that sound like it's about sex??? If so... that's alot of talking for two rolls in the hay. It's fine if it's a dealbreaker....but then tell the whole story. Explain why it is that someone who once loved you can't stand you or is trying to escape the relationship. What is it that drove them away from you. Human being are not robots, we are thinking and emotional beings. We respond to treatment and those responses may sometimes be dealbreakers, but it dosnt stop the fact that we are relating and responding to one another. For all the BS that say No one made you unzip your pants. It is a clear choice. That's fine. I understand the logic that get's someone to say that. But do those same people admit the CHOICE they made when they were berating, and verbally abusing their spouse. The choice they made to drive the family into financial ruin. They sat around and planned it , just like cheaters sat around and planned from the beggining to break their spouses heart. These are CHOICES on both sides. Or do the BS not see their behavior as a choice. Of course not. All of a sudden it become "imperfect" or a "shortcoming" or "no one is perfect." No you made hold hard choices. Hold yourself to the exact same standard that you hold cheaters to. I hold myself to the exact standards. That is why I got help, apologized to the people I hurt and moved on with my imperfect self. I will not now or ever view the marital problems as a reason, excuse, justification or moral dilemma for cheating. I made hard choices that cost me most of my life and almost my last breath. He had nothing to do with those choices. They were mine, from my mind, from my soul. As is his inability to keep his dick in his pants.
rowell2024 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Well, how about SOME cheaters are sociopaths, and SOME cheaters are able to be rehabilitated and turn from the dark side.
rowell2024 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 And...as I have said before. Divorce was not an option. I know it's hard for some of you to swallow - but there are folks out there that JUST CAN'T DIVORCE. NO MATTER WHAT! There are situations & reasons only the couple knows. Not for the general public or their friends to have knowledge of. Really? Do you live in a country like the Philippines where there is no divorce? So if divorce is not an option, cheating IS? Seriously? Am I reading this right?
Distant78 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Really? Do you live in a country like the Philippines where there is no divorce? So if divorce is not an option, cheating IS? Seriously? Am I reading this right? You sure are. Exactly what was said.
Meatballsmom Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Cheaters are sociopaths And most often heard on LS, "I did nothing wrong" Your missing the point by not looking inward and continuing to defend your viewpoint. Do you know that many cheating wives will tell you that the first sexual encounter with an OM was just to keep the OM around. He was filling her needs to keep the emotional high going. He was filling her starved needs for conversation and in general just communication, about them and their world. And for the women, whose men run off with skanks, we get the similar quotes, not admitting that they had let themselves and their sex lives fall in the toilet. These are just two examples. My point is until you drop the idea that all cheaters are sociopaths, and I did nothing wrong. The scenario will most likely be repeated in the future, by either your current spouse or a future spouse.
Distant78 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 My point is until you drop the idea that all cheaters are sociopaths, and I did nothing wrong. The scenario will most likely be repeated in the future, by either your current spouse or a future spouse. People will keep cheating regardless what others think about them and regardless of what goes on in their relationship/marriage. People cheat because they want to. If a cheater wants some extra booty they will get it on their own.
Stateandbroadway Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Oh right. She was a narcissist because she was cheated on. eye roll....no maybe she was the narcissist because everyone including her therapist and her friends think she's a narcissist. is it not possible for the BS to be the narcissist....puhleeeeze. My husband is the narcissist. Guess who thinks so. All 3 therapists we have seen, including the one we setteled on. Our friends, while they dont call him a narcissist,they call him arrogant (code). Who else....hmmmmn....OH....the federal judge that presided over his trial. all 3 federal prosecutors. His clients. A jury of his peers-12 to be exact. Even the crime is highly NPD. A white collar crime that doesnt have to do with theft, but basically comes down to being so self centered, that you make decisions that are so self interested that your clients lose millions of dollars. At least if he stole money, i could write him off as a Bernie Madoff sociopath. But no its about negligence and thinking you are all knowing and not listening. I feel sorry for him beacause its due to low emotional intelligence. And me the selfish horrible WS sitting here supporting him. while he awaits the decision on his appeal.We've lost everything. All I want is to be loved, not abused, especially when the abuse is his guilt twisted and turned around, used to bludgeon me..cause it's easier than dealing with what he's done due to stupidity arrogance and yes NARCISSISM! And guess who's finally getting it him! of course i am not proud. but i didnt cheat cause i was bored. Not to mention all the talking, pleDing and begging. that could be it's own novel. I sought comfort and escape when EVERY aspect of my life (emotional,finacial, dreams, life possibilities) was falling apart and the person that caused it emotionally betrayed me by emotionally abandoning me...cause of fear...but abandonment nonetheless. So yes I do expect him to understand and forgive. AND I WILL FORGIVE him In fact could I have someone elses situation. i'll gladly take someone's situation. Here are my paramaters. somone whose husband had a 3 month affair or screwed someone after a druknen night out. Ahhhhh sounds like a freaking vacation from where i'm standing
Author Woggle Posted February 26, 2011 Author Posted February 26, 2011 If he is that awful why are still married to him? My ex wife before the cheating was pretty bad yet I never strayed. I should have left long before I caught her in bed with another man though.
Stateandbroadway Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 If he is that awful why are still married to him? My ex wife before the cheating was pretty bad yet I never strayed. I should have left long before I caught her in bed with another man though. i'm working on it. it's long. its very hard to make short and sweet.
Distant78 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 eye roll....no maybe she was the narcissist because everyone including her therapist and her friends think she's a narcissist. is it not possible for the BS to be the narcissist....puhleeeeze. So cheaters are perfect. Gotcha. My husband is the narcissist. Guess who thinks so. All 3 therapists we have seen, including the one we setteled on. Our friends, while they dont call him a narcissist,they call him arrogant (code). Who else....hmmmmn....OH....the federal judge that presided over his trial. all 3 federal prosecutors. His clients. A jury of his peers-12 to be exact. Even the crime is highly NPD. A white collar crime that doesnt have to do with theft, but basically comes down to being so self centered, that you make decisions that are so self interested that your clients lose millions of dollars. At least if he stole money, i could write him off as a Bernie Madoff sociopath. But no its about negligence and thinking you are all knowing and not listening. I feel sorry for him beacause its due to low emotional intelligence. And me the selfish horrible WS sitting here supporting him. while he awaits the decision on his appeal.We've lost everything. All I want is to be loved, not abused, especially when the abuse is his guilt twisted and turned around, used to bludgeon me..cause it's easier than dealing with what he's done due to stupidity arrogance and yes NARCISSISM! And guess who's finally getting it him! of course i am not proud. but i didnt cheat cause i was bored. Not to mention all the talking, pleDing and begging. that could be it's own novel. I sought comfort and escape when EVERY aspect of my life (emotional,finacial, dreams, life possibilities) was falling apart and the person that caused it emotionally betrayed me by emotionally abandoning me...cause of fear...but abandonment nonetheless. So yes I do expect him to understand and forgive. AND I WILL FORGIVE him In fact could I have someone elses situation. i'll gladly take someone's situation. Here are my paramaters. somone whose husband had a 3 month affair or screwed someone after a druknen night out. Ahhhhh sounds like a freaking vacation from where i'm standing Sorry for what you're going through but your cheating only makes the situation worse, nor I don't see how cheating is supporting him. Should've left him way earlier if he was a bad person.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 eye roll....no maybe she was the narcissist because everyone including her therapist and her friends think she's a narcissist. is it not possible for the BS to be the narcissist....puhleeeeze. My husband is the narcissist. Guess who thinks so. All 3 therapists we have seen, including the one we setteled on. Our friends, while they dont call him a narcissist,they call him arrogant (code). Who else....hmmmmn....OH....the federal judge that presided over his trial. all 3 federal prosecutors. His clients. A jury of his peers-12 to be exact. Even the crime is highly NPD. A white collar crime that doesnt have to do with theft, but basically comes down to being so self centered, that you make decisions that are so self interested that your clients lose millions of dollars. At least if he stole money, i could write him off as a Bernie Madoff sociopath. But no its about negligence and thinking you are all knowing and not listening. I feel sorry for him beacause its due to low emotional intelligence. And me the selfish horrible WS sitting here supporting him. while he awaits the decision on his appeal.We've lost everything. All I want is to be loved, not abused, especially when the abuse is his guilt twisted and turned around, used to bludgeon me..cause it's easier than dealing with what he's done due to stupidity arrogance and yes NARCISSISM! And guess who's finally getting it him! of course i am not proud. but i didnt cheat cause i was bored. Not to mention all the talking, pleDing and begging. that could be it's own novel. I sought comfort and escape when EVERY aspect of my life (emotional,finacial, dreams, life possibilities) was falling apart and the person that caused it emotionally betrayed me by emotionally abandoning me...cause of fear...but abandonment nonetheless. So yes I do expect him to understand and forgive. AND I WILL FORGIVE him In fact could I have someone elses situation. i'll gladly take someone's situation. Here are my paramaters. somone whose husband had a 3 month affair or screwed someone after a druknen night out. Ahhhhh sounds like a freaking vacation from where i'm standing I'll trade you. Please come take all....
confusedinkansas Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Do you ask every babysitter you have if they've ever cheated? Do you ask each interview you go on wether the person has ever cheated. I hope you do. Because you wouldnt want to leave your kids with...or do business with anyone that has ever had an afair or cheated becasue they are BAD BAD people who obviously cannot be trusted. That must also mean none of your friends has ever cheated. And if this is true, how many friends do you have, because that's statistically incredible. Not one friend? Of course not, because why would you be friends with someone who has cheated? Someone who would knowingly be friends with someone they would describe as a bad person...well that would just be odd...right? And if you do find out that one of your friends has cheated you do of course tell them how bad they are and promptly defriend them. If someone you know - or that anyone knew - were cheating I HIGHLY doubt it'd be the main topic of casual dinner conversation. "Oh by the way Bill - my wife & I of 25 years are having difficulties so I'm screwing my secretatry - Cool Huh" Sheesh. Yeah...Great dinner conversation!! I've always been told here that it's the SECRETS that keep the affairs going. (Personally I doubt that) Many here would be appalled if they knew the truth about their friends. You'd all be surprised who's cheating these days - or who HAS cheated these days or - who is PLANNING to cheat these days. I've personally (thru the grapevine) found out about several people I never in a million years would have thought could or would cheat - but wow....it still happened. A bit of a "Holier Than Thou" attitude I say.....Cut your friends completely out of your life because they cheated....Come On:eek:
bentnotbroken Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 If someone you know - or that anyone knew - were cheating I HIGHLY doubt it'd be the main topic of casual dinner conversation. "Oh by the way Bill - my wife & I of 25 years are having difficulties so I'm screwing my secretatry - Cool Huh" Sheesh. Yeah...Great dinner conversation!! I've always been told here that it's the SECRETS that keep the affairs going. (Personally I doubt that) Many here would be appalled if they knew the truth about their friends. You'd all be surprised who's cheating these days - or who HAS cheated these days or - who is PLANNING to cheat these days. I've personally (thru the grapevine) found out about several people I never in a million years would have thought could or would cheat - but wow....it still happened. A bit of a "Holier Than Thou" attitude I say.....Cut your friends completely out of your life because they cheated....Come On I don't know if it is holier than thou or just another way to dismiss those who don't want to be involved with people who are wanting to continue to cheat. I wouldn't dismiss a friend who cheated and then turned away from it. I have and will do it again if my friend insists on living in a state of cheating(long term affair partner) I am a supporter of healthy marriages and I don't believe in supporting anyone who is a third party in a marriage. Friends, family, or other. I have seen the results my whole life of affairs. If I can't trust you, respect you or support you...there is no reason for us to have a relationship at all. I can love you and pray for you from a distance. My mom always said if you lay with dogs you are bound to get up with fleas. She told this to me in reference to a friend that I used to have was a into drugs heavily. I loved her but I couldn't trust her or the people she would bring around my children. For me the old wives' tale can apply to a number of things. My youngest brother brought his new girlfriend to Thanksgiving before he was divorced. He was instructed that she was welcome to stay for dinner, but would not be allowed to spend the night. He was pissed at my mom, but she stood her ground and they left. My mom said it wasn't proper to show that to her grand kids and I agree. If you pull yourself together and you still want to be friends I am here. If not....I am good. Our friendship was just for the season that it existed.
confusedinkansas Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 Really? Do you live in a country like the Philippines where there is no divorce? So if divorce is not an option, cheating IS? Seriously? Am I reading this right? Absolutely wasn't an option at that time & place in my/our lives. For many personal reasons. It just is what it is - It's kind of funny that people want to read SO much into it. Marriages are personal. What a couple decides to do is no one elses business but their own.
neveragain1 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 A bit of a "Holier Than Thou" attitude I say.....Cut your friends completely out of your life because they cheated....Come On:eek: guilt by association.
neveragain1 Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 What a couple decides to do is no one elses business but their own. then I'd suggest keeping that personal business and decision to themselves and not bring it into a public forum.
Sal Paradise Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 When you think about it there really is no reason to be a cheater. Whatever kind of arrangement a person wants they can find somebody out there that wants the same and the internet has made it even easier. If a persons wants monogamy they can find somebody wants the same and ditto for polyamory or FWB or just a plain old one night stand. You can have whatever kind of thing you want and still be honest about it so why still cheat? In theory that would be true but many people don't know what they want. Most want monogamy but many find out that they're unwilling to do what is necessary to make a monogamous relationship work. Others realize that they married the wrong person and instead of doing the right thing and divorcing them they react negatively and cheat. Then there are those who realize that they're just not a one woman or one man person and are better suited to casual short term relationships. And instead of divorcing they break up by cheating. And lastly we have those who find out that they're a cake eater. Those who want the security of knowing that their spouse is faithful to them while having the luxury of screwing whomever they want. The biggest problem is that the above people rarely learn from their mistakes. The Cake Eaters for example will often remarry knowing full well that they're not a monogamous person yet they fool themselves into thinking "this time it will be different". When deep down they know there is a good chance they will cheat again and they're hoping that this time they will be smarter about it. I honestly think that some people get off on the lying, dishonesty and sneaking around. They find it exciting. If a person gets kicks off of treating a person like that then in my book they are a sociopath. While there are cheaters like that most cheaters do not qualify as sociopaths (some do but they are the minority). Most are simply driven by cowardice, greed, lust, irresponsibility, ego, arrogance, self-pity, entitlement and a general lack of self control. Unfortunately these are common traits in human beings. It doesn't excuse their behavior (there is no excuse for cheating), I just think sociopath should be reserved for actual sociopaths and not horrible human beings. Hitler was a sociopath, Tiger Woods is just a selfish, egotistical, entitled jerk.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 I think narcissism is a more appropriate term then sociopath. They just can't being themselves to see the affect that they have on anyone around them, and if they can they can't bring themselves to care enough to stop.
neveragain1 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 eye roll....no maybe she was the narcissist because everyone including her therapist and her friends think she's a narcissist. is it not possible for the BS to be the narcissist....puhleeeeze. My husband is the narcissist. Guess who thinks so. All 3 therapists we have seen, including the one we setteled on. Our friends, while they dont call him a narcissist,they call him arrogant (code). Who else....hmmmmn....OH....the federal judge that presided over his trial. all 3 federal prosecutors. His clients. A jury of his peers-12 to be exact. Even the crime is highly NPD. A white collar crime that doesnt have to do with theft, but basically comes down to being so self centered, that you make decisions that are so self interested that your clients lose millions of dollars. At least if he stole money, i could write him off as a Bernie Madoff sociopath. But no its about negligence and thinking you are all knowing and not listening. I feel sorry for him beacause its due to low emotional intelligence. And me the selfish horrible WS sitting here supporting him. while he awaits the decision on his appeal.We've lost everything. All I want is to be loved, not abused, especially when the abuse is his guilt twisted and turned around, used to bludgeon me..cause it's easier than dealing with what he's done due to stupidity arrogance and yes NARCISSISM! And guess who's finally getting it him! of course i am not proud. but i didnt cheat cause i was bored. Not to mention all the talking, pleDing and begging. that could be it's own novel. I sought comfort and escape when EVERY aspect of my life (emotional,finacial, dreams, life possibilities) was falling apart and the person that caused it emotionally betrayed me by emotionally abandoning me...cause of fear...but abandonment nonetheless. So yes I do expect him to understand and forgive. AND I WILL FORGIVE him In fact could I have someone elses situation. i'll gladly take someone's situation. Here are my paramaters. somone whose husband had a 3 month affair or screwed someone after a druknen night out. Ahhhhh sounds like a freaking vacation from where i'm standing well congratulations!! you have successfully justified your cheating ways!!!
neveragain1 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Of course not, because why would you be friends with someone who has cheated? Someone who would knowingly be friends with someone they would describe as a bad person...well that would just be odd...right? right, again, guilt by association. I stopped hanging out with a couple friends because they were dogs, cheated on girls. and since I hung out with them, I was seen as an ******* too. I liked more dating options and they were diminished to only those girls who didn't know my friends. cuz if they knew my friends, they wouldn't want to have anything to do with me. I like to hang out with a better class of people
neveragain1 Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Hell, Tiger Woods is a great man & amazing golfer. Tiger is a piece of crap. Elin can now go out and find herself someone equally as beautiful, with smaller teeth and hair.
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