Stateandbroadway Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I'll trade you. Please come take all.... You're brave. OK if you have more than one child you have to give up the other two. You can never have more children Every dream for your child that you were fully capable of realizing is gone Every dream for yourself that you were fuly capable of realizing is gone Flush your home down the toilet...really flush it down the toilet. Flush your considerable savings/investments down the toilet. Every penny. Move and leave every freind and family member you have because the place you've made your home for the last 20 years is not feasible and you must move to some Godforsaken place that you deplore because it is feasible - yet depressing and isolating. Realize that you are now 39 and everything in your life is going to dissapear and you'll be spending the next 10 years at a minimum rebuilidng. And by rebuilding I mean rebuiling some semblance of a life that looks nothing llike what you could have had with or without your husband. There are many things that can feel like betrayal in marriage besides infidelity. If given the option I'll take the 3 monther. Painful, but i think i will be able to eventually heal enough to carry on without the ramifications destroying every aspect of my existence on earth. Nice doing business with you.
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 You're brave. OK if you have more than one child you have to give up the other two. You can never have more children Every dream for your child that you were fully capable of realizing is gone Every dream for yourself that you were fuly capable of realizing is gone Flush your home down the toilet...really flush it down the toilet. Flush your considerable savings/investments down the toilet. Every penny. Move and leave every freind and family member you have because the place you've made your home for the last 20 years is not feasible and you must move to some Godforsaken place that you deplore because it is feasible - yet depressing and isolating. Realize that you are now 39 and everything in your life is going to dissapear and you'll be spending the next 10 years at a minimum rebuilidng. And by rebuilding I mean rebuiling some semblance of a life that looks nothing llike what you could have had with or without your husband. There are many things that can feel like betrayal in marriage besides infidelity. If given the option I'll take the 3 monther. Painful, but i think i will be able to eventually heal enough to carry on without the ramifications destroying every aspect of my existence on earth. Nice doing business with you. Trying to justify affairs is not going to fly.
confusedinkansas Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 There are many things that can feel like betrayal (& are betrayals) in marriage besides infidelity Stateandbroadway, You get this. I get this. But there are MANY here that can't grasp the concept. They think that infidelity is the ONE & ONLY form of betrayal & if ya ain't been cheated on then ya don't have a clue......... It's Just Not So
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Stateandbroadway, You get this. I get this. But there are MANY here that can't grasp the concept. They think that infidelity is the ONE & ONLY form of betrayal & if ya ain't been cheated on then ya don't have a clue......... It's Just Not So The thing you're talking about is not a concept, it's another attempt to justify affairs. This about affairs, not really about life in general. And you're right: If ya ain't been cheated on then you don't have a clue.
ladydesigner Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 You're brave. OK if you have more than one child you have to give up the other two. You can never have more children Every dream for your child that you were fully capable of realizing is gone Every dream for yourself that you were fuly capable of realizing is gone Flush your home down the toilet...really flush it down the toilet. Flush your considerable savings/investments down the toilet. Every penny. Move and leave every freind and family member you have because the place you've made your home for the last 20 years is not feasible and you must move to some Godforsaken place that you deplore because it is feasible - yet depressing and isolating. Realize that you are now 39 and everything in your life is going to dissapear and you'll be spending the next 10 years at a minimum rebuilidng. And by rebuilding I mean rebuiling some semblance of a life that looks nothing llike what you could have had with or without your husband. There are many things that can feel like betrayal in marriage besides infidelity. If given the option I'll take the 3 monther. Painful, but i think i will be able to eventually heal enough to carry on without the ramifications destroying every aspect of my existence on earth. Nice doing business with you. You know I like this post, because it would have been so true if I left my H. I also do love my H even with the infidelities. I am able to look past it now and am not too affected by it anymore. I rarely if ever think of his A's. Either I really have processed it or my mind is good at distraction. Now if the WS is physically abusive as well as emotionally all the things mentioned above would be worth it to get away.
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 well it looks like your H will now suffer by comparison for the rest of his life. Does he know you've never been f****d in a way by the OM you never thought possible? He'll only suffer while as someone as selfish as her is staying with him.
WorldIsYours Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 thats just it, why does she even think she is worthy of not being pink slipped with an attitude like that? Cheaters will remain cocky until the consequences punch them in their faces.
Author Woggle Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 Stateandbroadway, You get this. I get this. But there are MANY here that can't grasp the concept. They think that infidelity is the ONE & ONLY form of betrayal & if ya ain't been cheated on then ya don't have a clue......... It's Just Not So There are other forms of betrayal but it still does not excuse this one. One wrong does not excuse another. Also why is it that of all the forms of betrayal is the most defended and justified. I don't here anybody bragging about physically abusing another person or constantly putting them down or any of that but some talk about affairs like they are the most magical thing ever not realizing that there is an innocent victim involved and if there are kids a few innocent victims.
Author Woggle Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 A sociopath is a person who does wrong with no remorse or feeling. They can kill a person and sleep at night like a baby. Anybody who has been betrayed by a person with no remorse at all knows that this description fits some cheaters.
wheelwright Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 well it looks like your H will now suffer by comparison for the rest of his life. Does he know you've never been f****d in a way by the OM you never thought possible? My H is fit, good-looking, and fully versed in the female orgasm. He will know full well that he does not suffer in this way. I would not tell him that I felt differently about my A sex. Can you guess why?
wheelwright Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 He'll only suffer while as someone as selfish as her is staying with him. Hmm. And I could have told him. Would that be better?
wheelwright Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Cheaters will remain cocky until the consequences punch them in their faces. I am not cocky. I am hurt and finding my feet. But I am not afraid of what I feel and I do not wish to put others down. There were some remarks about Karma on another thread. Cheaters, down-putters, we'll reap what we sow.
wheelwright Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) another definition of a sociopath is one that "lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience." so by this definition all cheaters are sociopaths, even if just for a while. True. But the for a while bit makes it different. We all do that. Every time we walk past a homeless person and not put in the hat, every time we watch a news reel and not give up the life savings. Because moral responsibility and moral conscience are relative. I have no doubt my A brought out the psychopath in me. But I resent people saying they are better when I would put a tenner that they aren't. Because when we sit around saying we've got it, we know the formula for a good life, we have probably missed something. Edited March 17, 2011 by wheelwright
WorldIsYours Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Hmm. And I could have told him. Would that be better? Divorcing him would be even better IMO.
WorldIsYours Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 My H is fit, good-looking, and fully versed in the female orgasm. He will know full well that he does not suffer in this way. Yet you say your OM was even better. How selfish and sad that you feel this way. I would not tell him that I felt differently about my A sex. Can you guess why? We don't need to guess. We already know why.
underpants Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Yes, and when I know I treat them accordingly. With caution. 9 times out of 10 ( and usually it is 11 out of 10) they are so self absorbed that they don't even get it. You could sit at a table and crack jokes at their expense and they really won't get it. Years later, they might have a 'was it somthing I did reaction'...Honey I never cared. So, sad, but yes in the throws of deception you are best to get away, far away, from the swinging baseball bat.
WorldIsYours Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I am not cocky. I am hurt and finding my feet. You're not hurt about anything! You had an A and you're ranting off about how good it was and how it made your life better. But I am not afraid of what I feel and I do not wish to put others down. We know WSs don't care, and that's their greatest flaw. There were some remarks about Karma on another thread. Cheaters, down-putters, we'll reap what we sow. Down-putters? You're right: Cheaters will eventually face their consequences and will feel sorry in the aftermath when it's all said and done.
seren Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Sorry folks but you can cut and paste definitions of sociopaths till hell freezes and none come close to what a true sociopath is, trust me on this one. Forensic mental health work brought me into contact with a few true sociopaths, hmm nothing like anyone else I have ever worked with. Trouble with definitions, they can be sifted and stuck onto most in some situations. However, a true sociopath could no more maintain two relationships than fly to the moon, simply because they wouldn't care for either and so would not lie to maintain status quo, simply because they cannot grasp the reason for one. Sociopaths are people who have enduring mental health needs, sociopathic characteristics are different entirely and at some point I am sure some if not most have displayed a very very mild cut and paste description of a characteristic. There are many different types of sociopathic behaviour, some caused by poor parenting, bad life experiences, some because they are wired that way and some because of society. The term is rarely used these days except for those who are dangerously sociopathic. The term now used is Boderline Personality Disorder, now that I may agree with, sometimes. I admit after D Day to exhibiting some of those characteristics myself.
wheelwright Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Do not think that this is an attack in any way, shape, or form, but often it does sound like you relationships and feelings picked you up like great tides and swept you away. Like somehow you got swept into a marriage, the feelings got swept from the marriage, a married OM swept you away, the feelings and experiences swept you away some more and they still do, and then dropped you back into the relationship with your H. Which it appears that you are not as fond of, but that is where the tide took you. A serious question: do you believe that your life and relationships were somewhat given to you, or decided for you in a way? Of course let me know if details/timeline are wrong, I haven't resolutely followed your story, just posts here and there. Thank you for this frankly intimate response. Yes, I have been in my life as the person you describe. And I don't like that. I never made a life plan. I have always been swept over by feelings of compassion over my own desire. Or credible plan. I am a strong person, with beliefs and faiths and the ability to form deep connections. But you are exactly right. Although I explore. In experience and in philosophy. And what a way you put it. I am nonplussed in a wholly good way. Humbled by your post. I feel a fool as I say it though, but yes you have me.
WorldIsYours Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 But I resent people saying they are better when I would put a tenner that they aren't. Yet you think you're all that in a bag of chips because you had a few flings and an affair. Because when we sit around saying we've got it, we know the formula for a good life, we have probably missed something. Nah, I haven't missed anything except a new novel from one of my favorite authors I must buy.
wheelwright Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 You're right: Cheaters will eventually face their consequences and will feel sorry in the aftermath when it's all said and done. I can only hope that when I enjoy my afterlife of people cheating on me till kingdom come, you will at least have an unflinching diatribe of culturally related nonsense to put up with. Ho hum.
WiltingReese Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Sociopath is too much of a strong word but I would say cheaters are selfish, narcistic people who think of themselves only. Selfishness doesn't always mean sociopath unless they lack remorse or any sense of empathy.
WiltingReese Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 When you think about it there really is no reason to be a cheater.What about cheating as a way of retaliating towards a cheater? If you read my story you'll know what I'm talking about. If you get cheated on and in extreme rage, you cheat on them back but dump him/her afterwards how would you classify that as?
wheelwright Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Yet you think you're all that in a bag of chips because you had a few flings and an affair. Nah, I haven't missed anything except a new novel from one of my favorite authors I must buy. I want it known I never once said I was in a bag of chips! I wish there was more to respond here, but this seems to be it as far as provocation.
WorldIsYours Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I can only hope that when I enjoy my afterlife of people cheating on me till kingdom come, you will at least have an unflinching diatribe of culturally related nonsense to put up with. Ho hum. Thank you.
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